Don’t let emotions get the best of you

We all have emotions and these days it seems as if all our emotions are running high. People are connected more than ever and that is a good thing. But this endless connectivity means that we have no time to be calm and reflective. Constantly checking our phones for updates and emails, our minds are unable to rest. This results in emotions taking control.

This is not necessarily a bad thing if we learn to recognize and control our emotions. When left unchecked, things like anger, fear and anxiety take control and cause damage to those around us. One solution to this problem is increasing our emotional intelligence. This is especially effective for those in leadership positions because of the nature of working with so many different personalities.

Emotional intelligence is the ability to recognize and control one’s emotions. This can come easy to some and for others it can be almost impossible. But according to author and consultant Justin Bariso, there are steps people can take to increase emotional intelligence, especially when we face particularly stressful situations.

“Once you understand how emotions affect you and your thought process, you can begin learning how others' emotions affect them,” Bariso writes in an article that appears in Inc. magazine. “As you gain ability to see things from their perspective, you'll also gain ability to communicate in a way they understand.”

Bariso suggests a few effective methods that can put you on the path to increased emotional intelligence, which can be very useful in tense situations. For example, perhaps you have to a face-to-face meeting with someone who is underperforming. The person might become angry and your discussion can soon turn negative.

In this situation, the first thing to do is to stop for a minute. If you are in a situation that becomes too emotional, take a moment to think before you say or do something that you might later regret.

We all say things when we are upset and these things can be hurtful to another person. Later when we’ve had time to reflect, we often regret speaking before thinking. Try counting slowly to 10 or walk out of the room for a minute before speaking emotionally.

Next, speak calmly. If you are talking loudly or yelling, then the other party will react and do the same. The last thing you want is a shouting match. If things begin to intensify, try to de-escalate by speaking quietly and rationally. This avoids further conflict and can lead to a quicker and more satisfactory solution.

If things do escalate and you are unable to leave or pacify the other person, then it is best to stay quiet.

“Take a deep breath and remind yourself that both your mood and that of your communication partner are temporary,” suggests Bariso. “Remember that much of what they say at this point may be extreme or exaggerated; resist the urge to respond in kind.”

Lastly, before speaking or doing anything when you are feeling especially emotional, imagine how that decision will affect you in the future. Most likely, if given the opportunity you would change having spoken during a heightened emotional state. Also, things that seem so important or necessary right now really do not matter down the road when we reflect.

Making decisions when we are not in control of our emotions most often results in negative outcomes. When we get a handle on our emotions and are able to recognize emotions in others, we can move forward and focus our attentions on more important matters.