Don't Leave Before you Leave: The Subtle Trap of Career Hesitation

One of the most thought-provoking lessons from Sheryl Sandberg’s Lean In is her call to women not to “leave before they leave.” Sandberg warns against the quiet decisions many women make long before they start a family, decisions that can alter their career trajectory in ways they may not fully realise at the time.

This concept is more relevant than ever. For many women, the idea of one day having a family is a constant consideration. It’s not uncommon for me to hear stories of women turning down promotions, avoiding high-visibility projects, or opting for roles they perceive as “easier to manage” with children years before those children even exist.

I can speak from personal experience. In 2012, I was 33 years old and I had just got married. I was approached by a global organisation to set up a business in Western Australia and I initially said, "No". I thought if I then went on to have a baby I would be letting people down and I couldn't imagine how I would fit in such a challenging role, whilst having a family (I do now and you can). However, I had my first child in 2023, 11 years later! I am so grateful to the people around me who questioned my decision and ultimately supported me to take what was a dream job. It provided some of the most valuable experiences of my career.

While these decisions are often made with the best intentions, they can inadvertently put the brakes on a career. The result? By the time a woman is actually ready to step back for family reasons, they may find themselves in a less senior position than they could have been.

The Opportunity Cost of Anticipation

Imagine a woman in her late 20s or early 30s, contemplating a leadership role. She’s ambitious but hesitates, thinking, Will this job be sustainable if I decide to have kids in a few years? She might not say it out loud, but the internal dialogue begins to shape her decisions.

The opportunity cost is twofold:

1. Professional growth stalls prematurely. By declining opportunities, women miss out on the skills, networks, and experiences that would make them even better equipped for senior roles, or more resilient in managing work and family.

2. Long-term confidence takes a hit. Staying in lower-pressure roles can lead to frustration and doubt over time, as these women see peers progress while they feel left behind.

Taking a Page from Sandberg

?Sandberg’s advice is clear: “Keep your foot on the gas pedal.” Lean into the opportunities available today, even if you’re not sure how they’ll align with your future family plans. If and when the time comes to make adjustments for family, you’ll be in a stronger position, personally and professionally, to navigate that transition.

Changing the Narrative

Organisations and leaders can play a critical role in fostering a culture that encourages women to see how they can have both ambition and family. Here’s how:

1. Encourage transparency. Open conversations about work-life integration can reduce the fear of taking on leadership roles.

2. Support flexibility. Robust parental leave policies, remote work options, and flexible hours make it easier for both men and women to balance family and career.

3. Redefine ambition. Success doesn’t have to follow a rigid timeline. Leaders can champion stories of women who took the scenic route in their careers and still reached incredible heights.

Final Thoughts

For any woman weighing these decisions, remember this: the best time to lean into your career is now. Don’t let future “what ifs” determine your present path. Pursue the opportunities that excite and challenge you, build your network, and grow your confidence.

When the time comes to make family decisions, you’ll be better positioned to make them on your own terms, not because you quietly opted out years earlier.

Let’s redefine what it means to lean in, not just for women but for the workplaces that rely on their talent. After all, when women thrive, so do organisations.

What are your thoughts on this? Have you experienced, or witnessed this dynamic in the workplace?