Don't Just Like Me

Everyone, excluding the Grinch, Oscar the Grouch, Deadpool, and a few malcontents, wants to be liked. When I grew up if you wanted to know if someone liked you, you had to pass a note to the girl across the room, and trust that your "friends" in between didn’t intercept the missive and expose your desire to be liked to the world. Now, thanks to Justin Rosenstein and Facebook the act of liking someone has become as simple as clicking on a “Gig 'em” button. (Intentional Texas A&M reference) Who needs "friends" when you have social media. Right? Many people get an immediate dopamine hit when their post gets a thumbs up from someone. I too have found myself breathlessly waiting for the first notification that someone has seen the vast wisdom in my words and felt compelled to do the world a favor and "Like" it. I've wasted a lot of time waiting for that hit, in fact, you probably think I am watching this post now waiting for that first hit. (Come on do it. Share it while you’re at it too. You know you want to.)  I’m not watching right now (I promise) but lately I have come to realize that a “like” is a bit of an enigma and that there could be more to it than a dopamine high. There is an opportunity for growth.  Today, with that learning opportunity in mind, I have a request which some of you will find very odd. Don't Like Me. 

Well, I still want you to" like" me, and If you were so kind as to hold off on that well-conceived hate mail or thumbs down, I would like to explain. I also apologize to those of you that have already fired up the keyboard and are well into a flaming response to accommodate my request but to quote Kahn Noonien Singh from the movie WRATH OF KAHN. (The one with Shatner & Maltobaum) -"Kirk, old friend, do you know the Klingon proverb, 'Revenge is a dish best served cold'?" I assure you that if you do wait your words will be downright icy by the end of the article.

The reason for my request is that a simple "like" is not really that helpful to me because, in the absence of a corresponding comment, I am never sure what the kudos were given really means. Did you agree with the essence of my post? Did it help you or improve their life somehow? If so what part of the post was most helpful? Do you have a story that would enhance my story and make it even more powerful, or did you simply want to acknowledge that you read the post? (Hey, there is an idea for improvement. Add a “Hey dude(ette) I read your post but don’t have anything to add because you killed the topic.” Button.) I hope you can see my dilemma and how frustrating that can be For someone who is continually working on improving. I have a similar feeling when my running coach tells me that a particular exercise or event performance was better without telling me why. In my experience, a change in technique or behavior is more likely to stick if I can tie it to a reason of why it is making me better. (Coach, If you’re reading this, please don’t make me do any more hill repeats. If you’re not reading it WHY NOT?)

Lately, to practice what I preach, I have tried to be less of a serial liker and have been more of a "purposeful liker" of social media posts. What I mean by this that if I like a post I also leave a comment about what it was that moved me to act. This would also apply to a "dislike" where I may disagree with someone’s point of view. Personally, I may actually learn more from a thoughtful and well-crafted comment by someone that disagrees with me the most as it gives me the opportunity to learn from the perspective of someone with different experiences. To be clear, I do not suggest that “dislike” be used to spew mindless hate or to bully someone with a different point of view. Preferably it is best used to share information that I may have been unaware of or failed to consider in the original post.  I may not change my mind, but it gives me a different perspective to consider and to more clearly articulate my position and most importantly helps me grow. 

While this new process does take a bit more time, it is a more personal interaction and hopefully makes a closer connection to the person on the other end.  Several times the reason I like something is not immediately apparent or is not readily verbalized so this period of reflection I am able to learn a little about myself with each purposeful interaction as well. 

The motivation for this change was brought to life by a mentor I have been working with for the past few months. Thanks, Miri! She has been asking me some tough questions to get down to some core motivations of mine which has been enlightening. I also don’t think it fair that I invite you to invest more time in helping me grow if I am not willing to spend time in assisting others to do the same by sharing the impact their thoughts have had on my life. 

With that, my request of you is to leave a comment along with a like to someone's post and feel free to start with this one.  I realize that there is not enough time in the day to practice "purposeful liking" on every post you read so try to do this at least once a day to start and build from there as time allows. Hopefully, it will make you feel better and learn something about yourself. More importantly, hopefully, it will help the person you've spent your time to engage with. In this case me.