Don't hate the people...

The last two years have been very difficult for my family. I was born and raised in Ukraine and came to the United States in 1994. My parents were still living in Ukraine in early 2022 as rockets started to fly over their apartment building. Kharkiv, where my parents lived, was attacked during the first minutes of the war. I spent some of the most difficult days of my life going to bed at night and not knowing if there would be an answer on the other side of Skype the next morning. I will always remember my mom semi-jokingly telling me that they could tell how close the rockets would hit based on the noise so they could decide if they should run down into the basement of the building. Fortunately, my parents could get on an evacuation bus, spend a week traveling the country from the eastern border where they lived to Moldova and Romania, and then take a one-way flight to the United States. They came here with two light carry-on bags; that's all they were permitted to carry on the bus.?

Twenty months later, who knows if we will ever re-enter the doors of their apartment, a residence in our family since the 1940s.

How should Karina and I talk about the war with our children when their grandparents on one side are escaping the War on a bus, and their grandparents on the other side still live in Moscow?

From day one, we told our kids: “You can hate the government, but not the people. Even when some percentage of the population supports the government and is brainwashed to hate the other side, the only answer is to hate the government… but never hate the people.”

But for me, being born and raised in Ukraine is just part of the story. I never say I am Ukrainian. I am Jewish from Ukraine. Almost everybody Jewish of my generation who came to the United States from Ukraine over the last 20-30 years would describe themselves this way. I am not Ukrainian; I am Jewish from Ukraine.?

There was much anti-semitism in the former Soviet Union, and when the Iron Curtain came down, over a million Soviet Jews immigrated to Israel. A million people like me, mostly from Russia and Ukraine. Almost 20% of the Israeli population speaks the Russian language.

A million people whose mothers now run into a bomb shelter in Israel multiple times per day.

During the last week, more civilian Jewish people were slaughtered by terrorists than ever since the Holocaust. My grandfather's entire family was wiped out during the Holocaust. His mother. His sisters ...

The situation in the Middle East is complex.

I want to cry together with Palestinian civilians when I think about all the innocent lives that are being lost. I know what it's like when your mother tells you about the rockets flying over her house. Evacuation. Leaving everything behind.

On Thursday night, I saw this article on WCPO.com . This is my children’s school district . This is the school district where InfoTrust’s main office is located. It is one of the most diverse districts in the Cincinnati metropolitan area.

I drove by my kids’ schools three times on Friday. First thing in the morning, then at lunch, and again at the end of the day. (The elementary school where my daughters go, the middle school for my son, and then the high school… because it’s the high school.)

I had some conference calls on Friday but wasn’t 100 percent present. I was scared. A sheriff watched elementary school kids get on the bus home. I wanted to hug him. I got out of the car, walked over to him, and told him how much I appreciated him being there.

We all want to feel understood, especially in times of crisis.

Over the last week, many leaders failed to communicate the right way. They tried to be politically correct and not take sides. As a result, they made nobody feel understood.

I don't know how to discuss this situation, but I can't be quiet. So, I am only talking about my personal experience. This is what's happening to my family.

Technology people are used to things being binary: 0s and 1s. The situation between Russia and Ukraine, Israel and Palestine is non-binary. This is not a Disney movie where Simba is a one and Scar is a zero. There is too much history, too much context, and now ... too much blood.?

I will not pretend to know a solution, especially because I am very culturally biased. But I also want to be honest and admit that I am biased.?

However, I am also a father and a son, and what I can offer can only come from personal experience.?

You can hate the government all you want … but please don’t hate the people. They want their children to go to school without worrying about their safety. They do not want rockets to fly over their mothers’ homes.

Don’t hate the people.

I beg you...