Don’t Go To Another Women’s "Empowerment" Event Unless...

They give you concrete solutions to the problems they are discussing instead solely talking about it. Unless they are teaching you how to negotiate a higher salary and a promotion instead of solely talking about the gender wage gap. Unless they teach you how to get a mentor and a sponsor instead of solely talking about how women are getting stuck in the middle.

When it comes to the principles of success, for the past 20 years, I’ve studied countless leaders and read books and articles that outline the steps to achieve success professionally and personally. I’ve also attended numerous events that focus on achieving high levels of success. There is a common thread that links great leaders together. There are also certain actions and behaviors that most great leaders take to achieve success and these principles have been taught for hundreds if not, thousands of years. There is a roadmap to success whether or not a person knows the map exists.

In the past five years, I’ve attended several women's leadership empowerment events. I’ve also read a number of articles specific to women in leadership. They’ve ranged from the shortage of women in the C-suite and boardrooms, where women fall short in their careers, why women can't get ahead, and the obstacles stopping women from moving forward.

The differences in the information being shared are astounding. Gender-neutral events, or those with mostly men in attendance, typically focus on how to be successful, how to get ahead or be promoted.

Even in this “2018 Women in the Workplace” excerpt by LeanIn.org and McKinsey, they only highlighted data of the challenges women face with no actionable items for women to overcome them. Women’s events typically focus on all the challenges women are having and why women aren’t being promoted, the gender gap, wage gap, inclusiveness, double binds, etc. If the events offer insight to be successful, it’s typically overshadowed by the “need” to solve the issues women face in the workplace.

If men are solely focused on winning and women are mostly focused on the challenges, could this be why the results for women haven’t changed much over the past 20 years? Coincidence? I don’t think so.

I went to a women’s “empowerment” event last year and was completely disempowered. Presenter after presenter showed slides and gave data for why women weren’t moving ahead. One presenter, who had a Ph.D. in gender studies and African-American history, said women weren’t making it to the executive level because their husbands weren’t doing the laundry or taking care of the kids. Also, African-American women made the least amount of money.

Certainly, no news here. These “empowerment experts” simply offered data to justify why women were on the bottom but didn’t offer any insight into what it would take to be on top.

 As I looked around the room, I was greatly disappointed because the women were shaking their heads in agreement with the data. Although they may have been personally experiencing those specific challenges at the moment, I felt the data gave them permission to stay where they were. It gave them permission to see their obstacles as insurmountable and fall into the category of the majority, settling for less than their full potential.

There wasn’t any fire or energy in the room. Either the women had already come to the empowerment event defeated, or the presenters defeated them with the statistics of how women were losing.

What about the women who made it DESPITE their husband’s lack of caring for the children or doing the laundry? What about the African-American women who make six-figures or who are multi-millionaires? They exist. Please don't pretend they don't.

What did the successful women do that the unsuccessful women didn’t do? I’m sure the women who achieved high levels of success had challenges and struggled, but they attained success DESPITE their challenges. I wanted to know their stories.

Don’t get me wrong, I understand the need to be aware of the data and the gaps between men and women in the workplace. However, the data needs to be balanced. As Earl Nightingale said, “You become what you think about most of the time.”

It’s a simple Law of Attraction principle. Whatever someone thinks about, THEY ARE. Whatever they say they can’t do, they can’t. Whatever obstacle seems insurmountable, it is.

“Whether you think you can or think you can’t, you are correct.” - Henry Ford

It’s only logical that the more we fill women’s minds with data of why they aren’t succeeding, the more women will be unsuccessful. The more we talk about the obstacles, the more obstacles women will have.

I’ve never been to a conference with mostly men and listened to them sit around and talk about all the challenges they have in the workplace. Is it any wonder why they are aloof to the challenges others experience or why they dread conversations around women and diversity issues?

I believe that we need to start focusing on what it takes to be successful and the concrete steps to get there. Stop solely highlighting the challenges and concurrently highlight the solutions. Assist women with being the change agents that we hope the leadership of their organizations will be. Assist women with seeing the light and they will eventually BE the light.

We only have 24 hours in a day and who we are is a result of how we use those 24 hours. I suggest using that time to have conversations around what successful women did to attain success and less time talking about the gap that we are all aware is there.

Start focusing on the principles of success and less time on the failures. Only then will we see significant change and shifts in the success of women around the world.

Christy Rutherford is a Harvard Business School Alumna, certified Executive Leadership Coach from Georgetown University and 6-time best-selling author.