Don't get worked up about unresolved things

Life is Short. Don’t Waste it on Issues That Are Not Worth Worrying About. You have to first find out the root cause of your emotional issues. You are probably asking now, “How do I do that?” This is not an easy feat by no means. I can only offer you what worked for me. Read or take some psychology courses so that you first understand how the mind works. From this you will discover what went wrong in your life that created your emotional issues. A great man and philosopher once said “Know Thy Self” That is the key to controlling your thoughts, brain and yourself.

This is certainly no panacea for mental health because other factors may be at play such as chemical imbalances in your brain activity in which drugs may be part of the solution. For example, most of my life I felt depressed. I had reasons to be depressed because of things that happened in my life. However, most of the time I was depressed for no reason at all. I discovered late in life that I had a chemical imbalance in my brains function. I sought help and a doctor prescribed several antidepressants until the right one was found to be best for me. I now wish I had taken it years ago, because it made all the difference in the world for me. I still get depressed occasionally but I handle it differently now.

For one thing, I ask myself if the issue is worth thinking about. I sleep on it. I go on, and it somehow fades away. I also discovered that most of the things that we worry about are either not worth the worry or did not exist in the first place. Now I regret wasting so much time worry about things that did not matter or were not important. Me not being a clinical psychologist, the obvious answer seems to be to consult with a clinical psychologist. Beyond that, it is necessary to acknowledge that attitude and behavior can be altered.

Behavior becomes subconscious (i.e., habit) due to repetition that increases and strengthens neural connections, creating an automatic response to a stimulus. Self-awareness (recognition of triggers), a desire to change, and effort can alter behavior (the conscious mind can reprogram the subconscious according to neuropsychological research). Attitude can become a habit that one automatically resorts to i.e., a subconscious response to stimulus. “No one saves us but ourselves. No one can and no one may. We ourselves must walk the path.” Buddha

The first step is always recognizing when my behavior is not serving me. Noticing when I do something that I know is not good for me. Second step is exploring, i.e. by asking every question I can think of about this behavior - Who…, What…, Where…, When…, Why…, and How…? I follow the trail and be as completely honest with the answers as I can, no matter how unpleasant.

It helps a lot when I have someone to help and press me for answers when I hit something that I want to avoid. When I hit on something I want to avoid it means I am on the track of something important. I will give one example. For 30 years I could not contact my brother, I wanted to but just could not do it. What finally resolved this was exploring, asking all the Who…, What…, Where…, When…, Why…, and How… questions I could think of about this. After a lot of emotional upheaval I uncovered a memory I had buried, I buried it because it was so hard on me to live with it. I remembered my family making me promise that I would never contact my brother.

I had been keeping this promise even though I had forgotten making it. As soon as I remembered I was free to break it. That same day I contacted a relative, got my brother's address and wrote her a letter. Perhaps my thinking in terms of electronics has helped me develop requisite circuits in brain (akin to what we do externally). These check circuits either give me ‘achtung’ signal or ‘go ahead’ green light. Likewise I feel I get internal help that way. Unresolved emotional issues are worst at time zero, i.e., when the event has taken place. Negativity pulse that could lead to poor reactionary show has to be preceded by the alert signal by one of these circuits. I usually get that. There is a thinking time; I need 10 or more seconds to think about reacting, should I do or not, the way I would like the reaction to look like etc.

I am afraid my system is not foolproof; on 2 out of 100 occasions, I mess up and have to run through a maze of troubled routes within thinking, doing, behaving and handling domains. Hope it is understandable. Moreover, I hope that is exactly what has been asked for, in the question. Introspect. When you visit a doctor, a doctor asks many questions before arriving at any conclusions or prescribe medicines. He analyzes symptoms to tell you, your illness and then gives a cure. So, ask yourself questions like what happened? What is the cause ? When did it start? What do I actually want? Am I entitled ? What went wrong? How am I the victim? How do I sort it? How much time do I need to get over it? Do I need help?Have I given my key to the happiness to someone else?

Have I given my remote to someone else? The questions are infinite. Ask them to yourself. Answer each one of them (write down if required ) very judiciously. and you will then be able to resolve your emotional issues. The circumstances won’t change with your introspection, but you will know the symptoms and how you need to work to resolve those issues. Women are skilled to manipulate almost from birth so they have a lot of trouble when it comes to telling the truth about how they really feel about anything. Men tend to be much more forthright and direct, which is something most women find to be rather scary, so they tend to discourage that sort of thing. The other problem is that people in today’s world have a very hard time learning to trust one another. And it does take trust in order to communicate on an emotional level. Cheers!