Don’t Forget You Were a Player Before You Became a Coach

Read on my website / Read time: 4-5 minutes

Helping our players requires remembering what it was like to be a player ourselves.

I had a coach in college who went straight from playing to coaching on the staff. As a player, he’d openly complain about a certain passing warm-up. Only to run that same passing warm-up as a coach.

One day, I went up to him during training and asked him why he repeated a drill he didn’t enjoy as a player.

“Because I’m not a player anymore. Just do the drill.”

I lost a lot of respect for him right at that moment. He was a novice coach, so it’s possible it was just early days in his development, and he needed the drill to buy himself some time. But that was NOT the case - he was drawing a line.

He made it about himself by being unwilling to place himself in our shoes.

Empathy is one of the hallmark traits of a Developer. There has to be care for your players. And many times that care is facilitated by reflecting on your own playing experiences.

Trust = (Credibility + Reliability + Intimacy) / Self-Interest

In one interaction, this coach eviscerated his credibility, putting a major dent in the level of intimacy (care/empathy) while doubling down on his self-interest. Building trust is paramount to development. Being able to reflect on your previous playing experiences can be a bridge to building trust with your players.

Here are 10 concrete actions coaches can take to show empathy and provide the sort of leadership we would have loved as a player ourselves.

1. Greet Your Players

A simple handshake, eye contact, and short greeting tell your players you see them.

It’s a sign of respect on both sides, but shows the player you care about them as a person.

2. Maximize Training

Don’t ever put a drill into training that you hated yourself.

That doesn’t mean your sessions can’t be demanding, but the purpose must be their growth - not just filling time.

3. Support From the Sideline

Show you are invested in them doing well by the way you support from the sideline.

Too many coaches use the touchline as a platform for their ego, so provide instruction and encouragement that is useful and supportive.

4. Critique Collectively

Don’t ever single a player out in front of the team for negative reasons.

Even if your critique is valid, you will lose the trust of your team and lose the individual; instead, critique collectively, so they can share in the responsibility - but not be paralyzed by it.

5. Give Praise Individually (and Collectively)?

Celebrate the small wins as much as you can.

Your players are going through a million things, and your affirmation that they are doing well can give them the energy to continue iterating toward their potential.

6. Take Full Responsibility

True humility is what builds long-term trust.

By simply owning up to a mistake or taking accountability for a performance, you show your players that you are someone worth following.

7. Spend Extra Time Working With Players Before or After Training

When you proactively use your own time to help someone improve, you provide more than just extra practice.

It is one of the best ways to say nonverbally “I believe in your potential.”

8. Create Office Hours

Be proactive in creating the space for players to be vulnerable.

And when they take you up on the offer, be sure to return that vulnerability with empowerment.

9. Be Funny in an Appropriate Way

It’s comforting when the person you look to for leadership doesn’t take himself too seriously.

Don’t be inappropriate and blur the lines, but do be funny when the opportunity presents itself.

10. Be Honest As Early As Possible

You would have wanted to know the truth as a player, so don’t withhold it as a coach.

Your players might not like what you have to say, but they’ll respect you more because you told them.

Conclusion

Be the coach you never had by remembering the player you once were.

There are probably 100 more things we could add to the list above. But the ten listed above required introspection. It required me to remember my upbringing as a player.

I had some good coaching examples, but I also had some poor ones.

To ensure we are doing our best to develop our players, we must remember what it was like to be one ourselves.

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