Don't be fooled, by yourself

“I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it.” -Evelyn Beatrice Hall, or Voltaire, or both of them. Who knows. :)

1. It’s not always about you.

Striking the right balance in how much we focus on ourselves is incredibly challenging. Ignoring ourselves entirely can leave our basic needs unmet, jeopardizing our well-being. On the other hand, focusing too much on ourselves can lead to overinterpreting others’ behavior, often resulting in unnecessary misunderstandings.

For example, I’ve seen many social media posts accusing others of discrimination based on assumptions: “The clerk didn’t smile back at me at checkout; it must be because I’m Asian.” While this could be true, it might not be. The clerk might be dealing with personal struggles—a loss in the family or other burdens we cannot see.

The movie Oppenheimer demonstrates this imbalance masterfully. In the film, Lewis Strauss grows resentful of Oppenheimer, believing he said something negative about him to Albert Einstein, which he assumes led to Einstein ignoring him. In reality, Oppenheimer’s conversation with Einstein wasn’t about Strauss at all. It was about the profound moral and existential weight of creating the atomic bomb—a weapon Oppenheimer feared might doom humanity, even if it didn’t cause the catastrophic chain reaction they initially feared.

2. Don’t “focus only on the black dot.”

This phrase comes from my colleague Nan LI , referencing a recent controversy surrounding a keynote speech by the MIT Prof. Rosalind Picard at NeurIPS 2024. The idea is simple: focusing solely on negative outliers distorts our view of an entire group.

Every country, every race, and every community large enough will have its share of thieves, cheaters, and even more heinous individuals like murderers. However, equating these exceptions with the entire group is both unfair and dangerous. The same principle applies to race.

Recently, I had a conversation with a senior executive at Bayer, a reader of mine, about the challenges of navigating bias in the workplace. Our discussion was inspired by my post reflecting on the sad story stemming from the rivalries between the U.S. and China. I shared how cautious I feel about drawing unnecessary attention to myself because, once trust is lost, even innocent actions can be viewed with suspicion. He described this phenomenon as “collateral damage”—the unintended consequence of society judging entire groups through the actions of a few bad actors.

It’s not new. This is how Trayvon Martin, an unarmed Black teenager, was tragically shot while simply visiting his father’s neighborhood.

3. It’s not always ‘black and white’.

The murder of UHC CEO Brian Thompson sparked heated debates, even on LinkedIn. As described in the book The Crowd, the intelligence of a group often diminishes compared to the individuals within it. Public opinion tends to see things in stark black-and-white terms, without room for nuance.

One group justifies Luigi’s act of violence, viewing him as a hero who fought against a flawed healthcare system that left many to suffer. They focus on the pain of those denied coverage. Another group condemns Luigi, emphasizing the sanctity of law and order, and seeing Brian as a hardworking professional, a good parent, and a respected member of his community.

So, who’s right? Who’s wrong?

Reports suggest that over 40% of young voters see the murder as acceptable. When I engaged with some of these discussions on LinkedIn, trying to offer perspective, I was labeled as attempting to “label” them. Here I want to say:

I’m not targeting or blaming you, I'm not trying to say I am right and you are wrong. The fact that your perspective has flaws doesn’t mean mine is flawless. In all likelihood, none of us have the perfect answer. But by bringing our viewpoints together, we might come closer to one that’s most accurate.

The real question is: Are we willing to do that?

Want the right answer? Go understand the 'wrong' ones first.

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12/19/2024, St. Louis