Don't Flatline. We Need Your Fire.

A few weeks ago, I woke up so depleted I could barely lift my head off the pillow. My very first thought: “I do not know how I am going to rise out of this bed and do this day because my body is physically rejecting productivity on every level.” All at once I felt physically, mentally, and emotionally done.

I realized I have not felt this level of exhaustion in a long time. But I have felt it before.

Sometime last year, I was meeting with my therapist and sharing some of what I had been going through lately. I said, “I really do not get it. Sure, I am doing a LOT but it is everything that I love and said I wanted to do: coaching leaders, leading equity-centered workshops, community organizing, and even a few passion projects. I do not understand why I am so resistant to do any of it.”

After three years of working together, my therapist knowingly responded, “Sarah, you are doing too much. Even if it is too much good stuff, your body knows it is too much. Your energy has flatlined. So you will have a hard time finding joy in any of it.”

She was right. And now I was flatlining again: not preserving my energy. saying yes to too many things, letting boundaries slide, and taking care of everyone else’s needs and priorities above my own.

But what we are up against now — fighting for women's rights to bodily autonomy, working to dismantle systems of oppression at all levels — requires quite the opposite.?

Over the summer, I had the honor of participating in a press conference reaffirming San Diego's commitment to abortion rights. It was led by Nora Vargas, San Diego County’s first Latina Board Supervisor, and attended by a cavalry of resolute pro-choice elected officials and community leaders.

In talking with several leaders there and hearing firsthand stories of their own energy depletion, I had a stark realization: we are all in danger of flatlining, and the only way to prevent it is through community and preserving ourselves at every turn.

We’re all in danger of flatlining, and the only way to prevent it is through community and preserving ourselves at every turn.

This struggle is real and it is deeply rooted. We can make ourselves look so healthy and productive on (digital) paper. And yet, we are all struggling in so many hidden ways. If you are like me right now and feel like you are running on empty, here are a few new questions to ask to better equip yourself for an energy refuel as we steel ourselves for the fights that need to be won.

I call them “PAUSE” questions, used to recenter and ground myself into making an informed, intentional decision about what I say yes to and how I (re)generate the energy required.

1. STAY IN ALIGNMENT

Far, more intertwined than we often think, our energy and boundaries all have to roll up into something. Only when we turn down the noise can we recenter ourselves. It's important to take time-outs to clarify and connect to our purpose and vision for ourselves and our contributions.

PAUSE Questions to Ask:

• Is this YES relevant to my future identity and what I envision doing over the long term?
• What areas of my life am I lacking clarity in and why?
• What do I feel most certain about right now? What am I intentionally moving towards?

2. EVALUATE THE COST

When in less than 48 hours, four people had reached out to “pick my brain*,” I knew I had to instill better parameters around how I determine what I can reasonably contribute. Time is our most precious resource. How are we assessing the cost of YES?

Evaluating the cost involves gaining clarity about the request with additional questions. Sit down and be realistic about the cost of time and potential distraction from staying true to your alignment.

PAUSE Questions to ask:

• How much time will this realistically take?
• What’s the cost of saying yes? What is the impact on my current commitments? Where will it detract? Where might it enhance?
• What is the cost of saying no? What opportunities, if any, will I miss out on? Does this have to happen right now?

*Side note: I do not have any issue with this whatsoever and I actually love and appreciate the requests. For me, it's about the self-leadership of communicating to others what I can do. I promise I will let you know if I cannot help and direct you to someone who can. ;-)

3. PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR PEAKS AND VALLEYS

We all have energy peaks and valleys throughout the days, weeks, and months. Increasing our self-awareness about matching our energy needs to the tasks at hand can help us sustain what we need. These peaks and valleys may be connected to the task, the time of day, day of the week, etc.

PAUSE Questions to ask:

• When is my energy the highest? What's happening during those times? At what points in the day/week do I feel most alive?
• When is my energy the lowest? Where am I resisting tasks or opportunities?
• How might I restructure my week to ensure I commit to my high-energy tasks during peak energy times?

4. JUST BECAUSE YOU CAN DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD

We all have a wide range of skills to contribute. And yet, just because we are good at something doesn’t necessarily mean we are the only person to complete it.?Slowing down to look for ways to delegate and ask for help can build better practices to help you resist taking on too much.

PAUSE Questions to ask:

• Is this the highest and best use of my time?
• Is there anyone else who could/should take this on? Are there any other resources I could tap to get this done?
• Is there anyone in my network who might value/benefit from this opportunity more than me?

As someone committed to knowing better and doing better (thank you, Maya Angelou), I need to continuously take a look at how I’m managing my boundaries and my energy. We all do. Because this fight requires us to take care of ourselves in ways we've never done before. We’ve got expansive work to do and wide-ranging systems to dismantle.

Don’t flatline, because we need your energy, your self-preservation, and — above all — your fire.

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