Don’t Fall for These Communication Traps

Tips for Staying Present and Focused

At the beginning of meetings and workshops, I talk about shared expectations.

One of the four cornerstones of my collaborative standards is the protocol, 聽 Ting . The traditional Chinese character ‘聽 ting’ for listening.

The different parts of the character help us think about body language, undivided attention, and purposefully listening.

I often expand on the Ting protocol by discussing being present and focused. I want to share a few traps to watch for when you are communicating with others.

Navigating these traps supports me in getting closer to offering undivided attention.

You prep your response

A common trap I see ensnaring people is how distracted they are by their idea preparation. One person speaks to a provocation, and the other crew members tune in and then tune out — lost in what they might say in response.

What's the quote from Stephen Covey about this: “Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.”

The trap for us is that responding and contributing something in a discussion or dialogue, feels like participation. Like we are involved, but involvement ≠ listening.

When I am holding space for dialogue, I offer a gentle reminder to participants:

"Please don't get caught in the trap of preparing what you are going to say. Give yourself permission to hear what your colleagues are expressing."

You judge what people say too soon

Teachers do this as an instinctive move in support of young people when they speak in a whole class setting. The neutral, non-evaluative response is rare. Most of the time, it is nods and affirmations. This behaviour drifts into our adult talk too.

The reason non-judgment is used is because, left alone, the brain will automatically judge things as good or bad, right or wrong, fair or unfair, important or unimportant, urgent or non-urgent and so on. This happens so fast that our experiences are automatically colored right when we get to them, so mindfulness is about being aware of that and taking a fresh perspective. ~?Practiced Non-judgmentalism?

The trap here is that?judgement causes closure. We can mitigate this by increasing awareness of our natural tendency for closure and judgement.

Stay in the mode of curiosity and when you notice judgement creeping in, acknowledge it and bring yourself back to what is being expressed.

You don’t give yourself some latitude

The final communication trap I want you to attend to is self-compassion.

Please don’t fall for the trap it is all or nothing and that distraction is death.?When it comes to collaboration behaviours and being present, there are no absolutes.

I always say that being present is not about strictly creating a pure, hermetically sealed space for dialogue. Such a goal is unrealistic in schools and with the pressure on teachers and leaders.

I advocate for developing enough self-awareness to centre yourself again when you get distracted. In the dynamic world of teaching and school leadership, this capacity of re-centring counts.

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Watch for the traps and commit to these actions:

• Accept where you are
• Practice undivided attention
• Invite your team to share what’s on their mind
• Check-in with yourself and what you need to be present

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