Don't Email Angry

We've all been there. You read an email that infuriates you, open up the reply window, and start typing, ready to fire off a response meant to eviscerate the original sender, confident in your point.

Please, please, please don’t push send.

In my career, I’ve sent a few of these, received a few of these, and been copied on or forwarded countless emails that would have benefitted from cooler heads than the ones the writer had (including me) when they pushed send.

Take a beat, as my friend Calley O’Neil says, based on her long experience as a community builder and manager for some of the largest business online communities. Take your hands off your keyboard, stand up and walk around, take a deep breath, get a drink of water, and, only when you’ve got a clear head, begin to address what’s sitting in your email blinking at you with steam emanating from the screen.

The calmer you are, the clearer you think.

Responding to emails while angry dramatically increases the probability of us writing something you will regret, using a tone that will be misread, and escalating an already charged situation.

You can’t take back words you’ve said or written. You can damage control after they’re said, but moving forward to rebuild credibility (let’s assume angry emails never stay between two people...because they don’t) may take months and wasted personal capital.

Social media is chock full of examples of emails that I’m sure were intended to be firm and direct, which come off as different levels of autocratic and unhinged. Don't become fodder for the next viral video on the corporate side of Tik Tok.

Staying calm shows that you’re in control, even when everything else is hitting the fan.

Waiting to respond gives you:

• ?Clarity: Waiting gives you time to consider the genesis of the “howler” you received and to think through your response. Bottom line, you’ll make your point more clearly, without the red mist of frustration clouding your vision.
• Wisdom: Taking a few deep breaths is scientifically proven to calm your body and your mind, and even improve your decision-making. Neuroscientist Dr. Belisa Vranich notes in her book The Oxygen Advantage that deep breathing helps activate the brain’s prefrontal cortex, which is responsible for logical thinking and decision-making.
• The Ability To Protect Relationships: At the end of the day, your relationships with colleagues, clients, and even that annoying person from marketing are worth more than a fleeting moment of vindication. By responding calmly, you’re showing respect and professionalism (even if the other party doesn’t deserve it).

The next time you want to send that email in ALL CAPS, take a breath and some time and figure out the best response before you push send.

?Pro Tip: Often the best response is "I'd like to call or meet to discuss this. When makes the most sense for you?"