Don't be consumed with regret

Scientists, engineers and doctors don't seem to get out much. They spend a lot of their time in one siloed quad or another, not just in college or medical school, but, it seems, later in life as well. While some are trying to nudge STEM into STEAM, adding art and design to the equation, many more practical sorts, like parents who want their kids to have a job after graduation so their little darlings can move out of the house, are pushing back.

Many physicians have career regret. A recent cohort?JAMA?study on physician burnout and regret found that 45.2 percent of second-year residents reported burnout, while 14 percent had career choice regret, (defined as whether, if able to revisit career choice, the resident would choose to become a physician again).

Published in?Mayo Clinic Proceedings, the study,?“Changes in Burnout and Satisfaction With Work-Life Integration in Physicians Over the First 2 Years of the COVID-19 Pandemic,” also found that—consistent with those trends in professional fulfillment—57.5% of physicians indicated they would choose to become a doctor again, dropping from 72.2% in 2020. This is also a decrease from 68.5% in 2017, 67% in 2014, and 70.2% in 2011.

Characteristics associated with a higher risk of reported regret included being female and having a high level of anxiety in medical school, while those associated with a lower risk of career regret reported lower overall levels of empathy during medical school.?

Misogyny in medicine is a persistent problem and only one aspect of the dark underbelly of medicine. Misandry is growing.

Quora user?Bradley Voytek?points to?a national survey about the regrets of a typical American, which found 13 common sources for regret. They are, in order: romance, family, education, career, finance, parenting, health, "other," friends,?spirituality,?community, leisure, and self.

Sometimes it takes a movie or a book to make us see the light. In Senior Moments, Willard Spiegleman describes his 61st year. It is not pretty. One reviewer notes "More than the tick-tock of the existential clock, more than grief for his waning physical and mental powers, more than aggravation at society’s diminished estimation, he is consumed by regret, which he considers the greatest enemy. He is reminded of?Samuel Johnson’s line that “sorrow is the rust of the soul.” “And,” Mr. Brown adds, “regret is the oxygen that makes it.”

Or how about the movie, Complete Unknown ? The movie asks perplexing questions about who we are, how others and we define ourselves and the achieving balance between finding our stable, happy authentic selves and experimenting, throwing caution to the wind.

Daniel Pink, the author of "The Power of Regret", thinks regrets are stupid and he goes on to describe the positive value of regrets, categorizing them as foundational (if only I had done the work), boldness (if only I had taken the risk), moral (if only I had done the right thing) and connection(if only I had reached out).

Here are 6 steps to turn regret into self improvement. Finding the silver lining in the cloud might lead you to other ways to stay true to your true north, but just doing it in different ways. The conclusion from both the science and the survey is clear: Regret is not dangerous or abnormal. It is healthy and universal, an integral part of being human. Equally important, regret is valuable. It clarifies. It instructs. Done right, it needn’t drag us down; it can lift us up. Put it on your failure resume, be kind to yourself and write about it either privately or publically.

According to one author, to cope with regret and leave the past where it happened, we need to: 1) Recognize our feelings and let them out. 2) Look?at the past with gratitude rather than the lost opportunity costs. 3) Make regret productive by thinking about what we value and what actions we can take to get closer to the things that matter to us.

This author argues that in our jobs as in every aspect of our lives, the only way to stay productive and feel fulfilled is to balance the tantalizing “what ifs” with awareness and appreciation for what’s right in front of us. Most people regret what they didn't do rather than what they did.

In both instances, the protagonists are battling regrets. Not all regrets are the same. Try not to find yourself in the photo on the book jacket cover or on the movie marquis.

Arlen Meyers, MD, MBA is the President and CEO of the Society of Physician Entrepreneurs

Updated 1/2023