Don’t cross my line (Part One)

Since so many people have moved to homeworking since the start of the pandemic, the matter of boundaries has become even more important than before. At the same time, front line staff and those who cannot work from home, have often experienced even greater pressures than hitherto.

Clients bring to me many boundary issues whether about personal matters in relationships or the pressures placed on them by their employers, or dealing with suppliers, clients, or staff they manage.

The cost-of-living crisis brings further concerns, such as leaving lights on without need as people fear being hit by ever increasing energy costs.

Healthy boundaries are important both to develop, and to maintain, healthy relationships.

Among useful assertive skills are:

• Recognising, accepting, stating your needs and boundaries
• Asking for help or more time
• Saying no
• Showing empathy with another’s feelings or circumstances
• Using “I” statements not accusatory “You” statements: avoiding blaming people for not keeping boundaries and using assertive self-disclosure to say how you feel about it or how you feel affected by it
• Selling the benefits of what you are asking

Professional example:

Avoid: You can’t keep expecting me to attend meetings out of my working hours

Instead: I can attend online meetings during my working hours, 6am to 3pm Monday to Wednesday and 9am to 6pm Thursday and Friday. However, I am not able to a regular 8pm meeting on Tuesdays after starting at 6am. I do need to finish at 3pm. (“I” statement and specific statement of needs and what you will and will not do)

Personal example:

Avoid: You never do your share of the cleaning. You need to do something about it because it’s totally unfair on the rest of us

Instead: I know that your work hours are long, and you come home tired. (Empathy). However, I’d be grateful (“I” statement) if you’d do your rota share of the cleaning (clear statement of need/request) so everyone in the house contributes equally (benefit of them agreeing) and we keep the place clean.

Professional Boundaries??????????????????????

According to Forbes, “When asked about the future of the working environment, 74% of professionals answered that they believe remote work will become the new normal. This opinion is also shared by 76% of entrepreneurs”.

Many people have told me of the increased expectations upon them from work about their availability to answer calls and emails or attend online meetings well outside usual working hours. When there is no geographical line separating you from your office or workplace, it means putting your own boundaries in place.

Examples of where boundaries can be overstepped professionally:

• Your manager expecting you to always answer calls and emails, and promptly
• You as a manager expecting the same from your staff
• Your staff or colleagues, suppliers and others contacting you at all times and again expecting an immediate answer

Homeworking entails the need for work boundaries to be respected by people in your personal life, and for personal life to be respected by your employer and work colleagues.

This means you finding strategies to manage this in relation to work, such as:

• Turning off your phone, not making yourself available 24/7
• Closing your laptop after a certain time
• Only dealing with non-work calls, texts, and emails outside of work hours
• Making known when you are available and not available
• Letting it be known at what time in the day people can expect a response eg. a holding mail to say you’ve received their enquiry and will reply at x time.
• Doing your best to ensure there is a fair distribution of out-of-hours work meetings between colleagues and clarifying where you feel your attendance at a meeting may not be necessary or requesting to attend only that part of the meeting relevant to your work
• Having a clear policy for yourself of where you will answer out of work hours, such as with an emergency or urgent matter and respecting your contract of employment at all times.

Don’t Cross My Line continues next month. Watch this space for Part Two