Don't Call Me Julie

By Anjali Bindra Patel, J.D.

My family always makes fun of me because it takes me all day to drink a cup of coffee. I generally grab my Starbucks around sunrise; I am usually still nursing the same cup hours later when the sun sets. 

It’s not really about the caffeine for me. I find the smell of coffee and the feel of the cup really comforting.

Usually. 

A couple weeks ago, my kids and I were about halfway through our drive from Cleveland back to D.C. It was raining, but we needed to get out of the car to stretch, so I pulled over at a nearby rest stop. We went to Starbucks so I could get some coffee. I ordered a cappuccino and then the barista asked me for my name. 

“It’s Anjali,” I said. “It’s spelled A-N-J-A-L-I."

"Woah, what?" she said.

"An-ja-li. It sounds like Un-jelly," I told her as I spelled my name again.

“Oh girl, I’m not even gonna try to say or spell that!” the barista laughed. 

I was dumbstruck. “Well technically, you don’t have to try since I literally just said my name, repeated it and spelled it so....”  

She cut me off. “Well, you’re lucky your drink isn’t complicated or I would have just refused to help you!” she laughed. 

I looked outside. It was still pouring. In that moment, I looked at my kids and decided it wasn’t worth prolonging the torturous interaction. I just wanted to get the hell out of there and go home. 

As we crossed into the DC area several hours later, my normally comforting coffee cup seemed to be taunting me, like it was trying to ask: “Hey A-JULIE, what’s good, girl?" I couldn't even bear to look at it anymore.

My emotions towards that Starbucks incident have nothing to do with not being to spell or pronounce my name. Name issues happen regularly, and it’s almost always without malice or ill will. It’s honestly no big deal most of the time. 

This particular interaction was different because of the barista’s dismissive tone, like it was my fault that I had the audacity to have an unfamiliar name, like the problem wasn’t her inability to say my name, it was me. 

Conscious or not, name biases often exist. I have grown resigned to it: I think of it as a name tax, pay it and move on. 

But I shouldn’t have to.  

How Anti- Bias Training Fits In 

After a Philadelphia manager had two black customers arrested for being in the coffee shop without buying anything, Starbucks closed its 8000 plus US operated stores in May 2018 for a four hour training to address implicit bias, promote inclusion, and prevent discrimination.

Though social scientists have repeatedly asserted that a few hours of training won’t solve the problem, we need to give credit where it’s due because Starbucks went far beyond its initial bias training. In fact, Starbucks acknowledged that one day of bias training wouldn’t be enough to bring about change. Instead, the thinking was the initial training would be a stepping stone for future education and trainings regarding bias and racism, and it seems they have stayed true to their word. 

So if Starbucks seems to be doing everything right, why do things still seem to be going wrong?  

My Beef With Current Bias and Racial Training 

I can’t fault Starbucks for its efforts, because its trainings, many of which are posted online, seem extremely well intentioned. But nineteen months after its publicized training, the impact of others’ bias is still inflicted on people on a regular basis. I’m a case in point. 

Though I’m still bothered by my recent Starbucks incident, I’m not sure Starbucks itself is the problem: it may be in the way we approach bias training. 

1. Bias Training Has A Finger Pointing Vibe. Imagine you are a parent of multiple kids, and a counselor comes in to give you “anti bias” parental training so you can finally start treating your kids decently. How receptive would you be to a training built on the assumption that you basically suck? The same mindset applies at work. The term “bias training” should be named and approached from an inclusivity and connection standpoint, not an accusatory one. 
2. Inclusivity Isn’t Being Integrated with Wellbeing Discussions. After years of being in the legal wellbeing space, I am still confused by the number of work places that treat inclusion and connection as separate stand alone topics. These issues are at the heart of any important topic: wellbeing, leadership, and client relations all rely on inclusion and connection. Inclusivity and connection should be woven into every relevant topic we discuss at work. It’s at the center of every decision we make. 
3. Awareness of bias won’t stop it. Bias is easy to call out, but it’s a beast to disrupt. Simply knowing we have a bias won’t stop us from acting on it. Instead of focusing on biases through categories (“He’s a gay white man, you’re an Indian woman”) why aren’t we looking at people as who they are instead of what boxes they check on a census form?

The system won’t change until we go in and fix it, and there’s no time like the present. Saying a name correctly? Looks like a good place to start.

Micro Actions Lead to Big Consequences 

Mispronouncing a name may sound like a little thing. But as Nike and Stephen Curry will tell you, little things have a funny way of adding up.

“Little things” like names are important. As communities and societies become more globalized, the likelihood that we will meet someone whose name we can’t pronounce will increase. What can we do to make sure people feel valued, appreciated and respected? 

We can pay attention and listen.

We can connect.

We can change our behaviors. 

We can understand that it’s not our mistakes that matter. It’s how we handle them.

As I finish typing this article, I’m sitting at my local DC area Starbucks. Brandon is working today. When I first met Brandon, he didn’t try to change my name to suit his own preferences. He just asked me to spell it and listened when I replied.

Whenever he sees me, he always looks me in the eyes and says “ Good to see you, Anjali.” And he pronounces my name perfectly every time.

From our very first encounter, Brandon took the time to listen, connect and care. Those little acts of appreciation Brandon shows on a daily basis?

Kind of a big deal.

Anjali is an Editor at Large for Thrive Global's Overcoming Lawyer Burnout platform. She is also a TEDx speaker, lawyer, and diversity, inclusion and wellbeing strategist. She is the Co-Founder and CEO of Sweatours, a well being platform for law students and lawyers, as well as a Faculty Member at WELCOA Wellness Council of America. She is part of the D.C. Bar's Lawyer Assistance Committee, AALS Balance in Legal Education, a certified wellness coach, NALSAP (National Association of Law Student Affairs Professionals) and the Mindfulness in Law Society, and has specialized certifications in both Time Management and Productivity. 

For more info on law student or lawyer wellness, keep up with her via www.sweatours.com or email  [email protected].

Anjali's new book, How to Be a Total DIVA, is coming out in 2020. For updates and pre-order info, please email her directly at [email protected].