Don't Be A Blowtorch!
Have you ever gotten feedback that burns? Sometimes that same feedback, hot as it is, can also melt some ice that has formed around the edges in the best way. I got that feedback recently.
It was direct and to the point and it came in HOT! I was ready to hear it. In fact, I asked for it. I wanted and needed it to be direct, and the #tribe member delivered and I'm so grateful he did. Here it is.
"Jason, you are a Fire Starter, but sometimes you can be a blowtorch--like with creme brulee--the heat is intense and forms a crust that's hard to get through before that heat was applied." Because I was in the right head space and had deep emotional safety with this person, I received it...but it still burned. If I'm being honest, it's still burning, though less every day.
Open as I was, I still felt some defensiveness well up inside as I asked for examples. Again, the #tribe member delivered. Here were a few that seared and left a mark:
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You need to listen more than you talk
Your energy and enthusiasm can be too much/off-putting
Your intelligence sometimes makes you seem arrogant
The "funny thing" is I thought I did listen more than I speak. I believe my energy and enthusiasm to be one of my super powers, so I use it every chance I get. How could that be a bad thing? I don't think of myself as intelligent (currently working on this childhood based narrative in therapy).
I've built a company @Fire Starters Inc on some catch phrases and hashtags. #IgniteHope #TorchFear. Get comfortable being uncomfortable. Old ways don't open new doors. Little sparks ignite bonfires (I actually just cam up with that one and wanted to share it!) As I look at these phrases, the beliefs behind them and the actions that follow on after, I am painfully aware how often I don't follow my own advice/guidance. I sometimes choose comfort over discomfort. Some times I pour gas on my own fear and extinguish my hope. I've also been known to keep knocking on the same doors and expecting someone else to answer...UGH!
Today was a small step toward changing that. Today was facing something I didn't like and didn't want to hear (because I usually want to hear how awesome I am) and taking a dose of my own medicine. In the end, and upon a few days of reflection, I can honestly say I'm better for it and appreciate this tribe member even more.
Yes, our strengths are our super powers. Use them, and do so with confidence! However, if not checked by an outside source from time to time, they can also turn into a tool with consequences we never intended. Note to self. Be heat, be fuel, be a constant flame that draws people to the heat, but don't be a blowtorch!
Senior Vice President of Operations at Briljent
3 年I have gotten critical feedback that torched me (see what I did there, my ??friend?) but then when I was able to get past the shock of not always being awesome… it helped me grow so much! Since then, I have become so much more honest and forthcoming with others I care about. I just have to remind myself that I have information they need to become better. If I can help them grow from honest feedback like I was able to… it’s worth ALL the discomfort I went through to give it. I just hope all those who care about me will continue to keep doing the same for me! You ARE awesome most of the time, Jason! ????
A self-motivated Sales Professional with a proven history of successfully delivering results while elevating the team around me.
3 年"The trouble with most of us is that we would rather be ruined by praise than saved by criticism." -Norman Vincent Peale Always be improving!
Empowering businesses through strategic operations | COO at Energy Access Inc. | Director, Ambassador at COO Forum | Husband | Father | Leadership mentor | Speaker
3 年I read between the lines here just how crucial it is that you have tribe members that you have complete confidence in that you can hear them even when they speak critically... hearing is a super power as well Jason?? Barnaby (he/him) and you have that super power! #???????????????????? #???????????????????????????????????
When you aren't ready to hear the feedback it can be even more difficult. In those times it is important to step outside of yourself and see/hear the feedback from different eyes/ears. Think, does the person providing feedback have my best interest at heart? If I saw someone else acting in the same way, what would be my advice?
Creative Catalyst ? Problem Solver ? Dynamic Leader ? Culture Warrior ? Brand Evangelist
3 年Love this! You’re the #realdeal