Don't Be A Blowtorch!

Have you ever gotten feedback that burns? Sometimes that same feedback, hot as it is, can also melt some ice that has formed around the edges in the best way. I got that feedback recently.

It was direct and to the point and it came in HOT! I was ready to hear it. In fact, I asked for it. I wanted and needed it to be direct, and the #tribe member delivered and I'm so grateful he did. Here it is.

"Jason, you are a Fire Starter, but sometimes you can be a blowtorch--like with creme brulee--the heat is intense and forms a crust that's hard to get through before that heat was applied." Because I was in the right head space and had deep emotional safety with this person, I received it...but it still burned. If I'm being honest, it's still burning, though less every day.

Open as I was, I still felt some defensiveness well up inside as I asked for examples. Again, the #tribe member delivered. Here were a few that seared and left a mark:

You need to listen more than you talk
Your energy and enthusiasm can be too much/off-putting
Your intelligence sometimes makes you seem arrogant        

The "funny thing" is I thought I did listen more than I speak. I believe my energy and enthusiasm to be one of my super powers, so I use it every chance I get. How could that be a bad thing? I don't think of myself as intelligent (currently working on this childhood based narrative in therapy).

I've built a company @Fire Starters Inc on some catch phrases and hashtags. #IgniteHope #TorchFear. Get comfortable being uncomfortable. Old ways don't open new doors. Little sparks ignite bonfires (I actually just cam up with that one and wanted to share it!) As I look at these phrases, the beliefs behind them and the actions that follow on after, I am painfully aware how often I don't follow my own advice/guidance. I sometimes choose comfort over discomfort. Some times I pour gas on my own fear and extinguish my hope. I've also been known to keep knocking on the same doors and expecting someone else to answer...UGH!

Today was a small step toward changing that. Today was facing something I didn't like and didn't want to hear (because I usually want to hear how awesome I am) and taking a dose of my own medicine. In the end, and upon a few days of reflection, I can honestly say I'm better for it and appreciate this tribe member even more.

Yes, our strengths are our super powers. Use them, and do so with confidence! However, if not checked by an outside source from time to time, they can also turn into a tool with consequences we never intended. Note to self. Be heat, be fuel, be a constant flame that draws people to the heat, but don't be a blowtorch!