Don't Believe the Hype... of your Assumptions

You may have heard the saying that when you ASSUME you make an ASS out of U and ME.

It’s definitely a helpful way to remember the power of assumptions. But I am not sure it goes far enough.

Recent experiences have highlighted to me that making assumptions can be damaging, dangerous and potentially life-threatening.

Historically, cave people needed to make assumptions… assuming that the big cat was more likely to eat you than want a cuddle was good for survival and safety!

And although most of us don’t face big cats on a day-to-day basis, we still make choices (unconsciously) for the primal assumption of survival.

Now some might say that this is a good thing, and why humans have survived so well. But I see how it often creates a sense of defensiveness… being on alert just in case.

And this primed defensiveness assumption can be damaging and dangerous to ourselves and/or others.

A while ago I started a new coaching programme with a client. On our first session she stated, “I am fed up with feeling so down about myself all the time. It’s exhausting and I want things to be different.”

As with all clients we spent time uncovering her view of the world and her life. She cited that the main reason she was so down on herself was because her “life wasn’t perfect” and she “wasn’t happy and confident all the time like everyone else.” When we delved further into this, she realised that her lack of confidence and happiness was being based on her social media feeds.

Someone had posted a smiley photo, so she assumed that they were happy with their life.

She saw photos of people out and about and assumed that they must have tonnes of money.

She saw that someone had been promoted and assumed that they were always confident.

I call BS on that!

That person was smiling but we don’t know what else was going on in their life. Have you ever been smiling in a picture and not really enjoying it?

Last months figures released by the money charity state the average total debt per household as being ï¿¡60,213 in Dec 2019. Some people have disposable income and others don't. Social media can create a wonderful illusion of prosperity and happiness!

And as for that promotion, does it mean they are ALWAYS confident? In studies, 94% of senior leaders cited lack of self confidence and belief as their primary reason for wanting coaching. Just because you are higher up the organisational ladder, it doesn’t automatically give you confidence.

These assumptions, this thinking, was having a significant impact on my client and if she wanted things t be different, then this thinking needed to challenged and changed!

Assuming others are happier, more confident, or anything else, impacts how you think about yourself. And most of social media is an illusion.

When I appeared on BBC Breakfast and posted the interview and backstage pictures, I had messages from people saying things like “I’ll never be able to afford coaching with you now.” What an interesting assumption! They hadn’t actually inquired about working with me, let alone asked about the fees. If they were assuming they couldn’t afford to work with me, where else were they assuming was out of their range without ever having the facts?! How damaging or limiting could that be on other aspects of your life?

People regularly tell me how busy I am because they follow me on social media. They are assuming they know me because of what they see online. It’s true, sometimes I am busy AND sometimes I am not. They are making assumptions based on a post or two and, just like my client, comparing what they see to their own lives… usually unfavourably! Comparison is a confidence killer. Seriously, for your own well-being… stop it now!

Unfortunately (and fortunately) our brains are wired to make assumptions (think back to cave peeps earlier). But if the assumption is not serving you, challenge it, question it… or at least qualify it as an assumption.

e.g. I assume that…

I imagine that...

I guess that…

You can help yourself to access more confidence by not falling for your own assumptions…you don’t have to believe the hype!