Don't beat yourself up about your speech

How do you review your speech while being kind to yourself?

The applause fades and you step off the stage to greet the audience members gathered to speak with you. You may be thinking about moments during your presentation and perhaps those parts that you felt were not the best. Or you may feel deflated if things did not go as planned during your talk. I know how it feels to plummet from a 'speakers high' to the big dip in emotion when you are not entirely happy with your performance.

There are always three speeches for every one you actually gave. The one you practiced, the one you gave, and the one you wish you gave. Dale Carnegie 

It’s easy to dwell on the bad bits

At a presentation I gave last year there were a couple of glitches. They were technical blips that occurred immediately prior to and during the opening of my talk, nothing major but rather irritating and it took the shine off. I let it niggle at me during my presentation and by the time I finished speaking, I was feeling stymied and I allowed the negative self-talk to seep in.

After this experience I felt drained. I spent wasted time and energy dwelling on my less than optimal performance and I wanted to take back control.

I spoke to a mentor about this experience. As a seasoned professional speaker he reminded me that we all experience “those days” and he encouraged me to accept the shortcomings and only think about those things within my control.

With this good advice in hand, I decided to create some boundaries around my post-speaking reflection including a certain time to unpack what happened and a time to let it go.

5 steps post-speaking

This has helped me a great deal in learning to be gentle with myself and to seek to learn and grow from every speaking experience.

#1 REFRESH

Once off stage I often feel a rush of emotion and then become acutely aware of the need to attend to personal needs (these needs often get forgotten pre-speaking). I replenish with a drink and a high-energy snack. I may remove uncomfortable heels or touch up my lipstick. With the immediate taken care of it’s time to move onto the next step an important one and that I used to forfeit when I felt those pangs of self-doubt.

#2 REWARD

wherever possible I hang around and interact with the audience following my presentation. I enjoy chatting with attendees, taking photos, and expressing thanks to those who made the event possible. Once I leave the event and return to my hotel room (or home if it is a local event) I reward myself accordingly. It’s usually an eagerly awaited coffee (I avoid caffeine and dairy on the day of my talks) and if it is an evening function I may have a glass of wine (never before a presentation). Or it may be a brisk walk, a swim, or even a massage.

This is time to be thankful for a body that allows me to move and a voice that carries my message. I aim to focus on positive, happy thoughts and gratitude. 

Any inner critics are kicked off; they are not allowed to gatecrash this party. Only when I have spent time in the reward stage do I move to the next step. It may be the next day if I am tired or have other engagements, but as close to the presentation as possible. I may repeat the rest/reward stage more than once!

#3 REVIEW

It’s now time to review my presentation. I allocate twenty to thirty minutes maximum and by the end of this time I have identified three actions to implement in order to improve my presentation for the next time.

I start off by asking myself what worked well. I write down three things and congratulate myself on the success. I then move on to think about the less than perfect parts, the areas in the speech I was not happy with. I write down three things.

I identify whether the sub-optimal part of my presentation was within my control or not. I can only move forward with things that are in my control.

For example, a previous speaker going over time resulting in my presentation time being halved or the MC reading out my bio along with someone else’s (both these things have happened to me) is not something I had any control over.

If there are elements during my presentation that did not go as well as I’d like and it is within my control I prepare a list with an action for each that I will implement. I am now ready to move to the next stage. 

#4 RELEASE

With some actionable items documented and a plan on how I can improve my presentation it is time to release. A time to accept and let go of everything except the tremendous gratitude I feel as a speaker and the commitment to continue to learn and grow. It was this valuable step that in the past has held me back.

#5 REFOCUS

At this stage I am ready to refocus my energy on the next presentation I will give. Making sure that I am kind to myself and remembering that the best way to get better at speaking is by speaking more.

Even the most experienced speakers will have days and events that did not go as planned. Remember there is no failure, only feedback. Fix what you can and let go of the rest.

With a defined process of self-reflection and action

Rest - Reward - Review - Release - Refocus 

Here is a 3 minute YouTube video I made on the topic

Based in Perth, Australia, Lisa works with leaders globally to help them craft and deliver powerful presentations and compelling business stories. She has a mentoring program for aspiring women speakers who want to become professional speakers. If you are interested in applying to be part of the 2019 intake of SheSpeaks? then let’s chat [email protected] Ph: 0438 902042

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