Don't "Awfulize" It

by Julie Adamen [email protected]

A few months ago I was texting a friend about a challenging change in my life that could impact my family’s future. I was spiraling into worry, questioning myself: Did I do the right thing? What if this change makes things worse? Will things ever get better? My mind was speeding through every “what if,” and every scenario either ended with disaster or a permanent, unchanging hardship.

Right as I was about to dive completely into a spiral of anxiety, my friend sent me three words that stopped me in my tracks: “Don’t awfulize it.” Immediately, I knew what she meant, and it was exactly what I needed to hear. Awfulizing happens when a change—especially one we feel powerless to control—kicks in fear before logic has a chance to keep up. We fall into imagining every worst-case scenario, and off we go into a mental rabbit hole of negativity.

This reaction is common in many fields, but especially in community management, where each day brings unpredictable challenges. Our minds can quickly start spinning through countless “what ifs,” creating situations that feel incredibly stressful even if they’re entirely hypothetical. When we do this, we end up wasting precious mental energy on imaginary problems, and often find ourselves burnt out before we even start addressing the actual issue.

Here are a few typical situations that spark this “awfulizing” mode and how it often plays out in our minds:

1. Taking on a new account. “I’m already overloaded with accounts; how will I find time for this one? All my other accounts will suffer, I won’t be able to do my job well, Boards will get frustrated, and eventually, I’ll lose my job. Then, I won’t be able to pay my bills, and my family will be in trouble. . .” Sound familiar? The whole mental spiral is set in motion by that one new account.

2. A difficult resident or Board member gets involved. “Oh no. He hates me; he hates everyone. He’s going to take up hours of my time, and there’ll be no way to please him. He might even convince other Board members to be against me. The stress will be unbearable, but I need this job to support my family. What am I going to do? How will I keep going under all this stress?”

3. The annual meeting, where you know a group of complainers will show up. “I can already picture it. They’ll blame me for every Board decision they didn’t like. I’ll be so humiliated. What if I start to cry? I’ll look unprofessional, and the Board will lose all respect for me. How am I supposed to show up at work after that? Maybe I should just quit now before it all comes crashing down.”

For those of us familiar with awfulizing, these thought patterns feel all too real. They start as minor worries, then quickly morph into detailed worst-case scenarios, each more stressful than the last. The impact of awfulizing is profound: it drains your energy, impacts your productivity, clouds your outlook, and even harms your mental health. Worse, awfulizing doesn’t solve any problems. It’s an entirely self-inflicted drain that distracts us from focusing on the positive or practical steps we could take instead. What can we do about it? Here are some strategies that have helped me stop the cycle of awfulizing and get back to a more productive mindset:

1. Talk it out. Sometimes, just saying your worries out loud helps put things in perspective. I’m a firm believer in talking things through with someone I trust. Recently, I called a friend, voiced my worries, and let out my worst fears, even the irrational ones. She reminded me that things do change and that it’s unlikely my worst fears would come true. Having someone validate my experience and give some reassurance made me feel like a different person after the conversation.

It’s tempting to think we should just “suck it up” and deal with things on our own, especially since so many people around us seem to be handling challenges with a brave face. But sometimes, a quick chat with a friend or colleague can help shift your perspective and calm those “what ifs” that feel so overwhelming.

2. Take a break and reset your environment. When I’m in the office and can’t escape a stressful situation, I find it helpful to move to a task that’s mentally soothing, like filing or organizing. Changing your physical environment can work wonders, too. Sometimes, just getting outside, going to lunch, or even running a quick errand can help stop that cycle of anxious thoughts and reset your perspective.

Breaking the rhythm of work-related stress, even briefly, can help you return to your tasks with a clearer mind. I also find that taking a few deep breaths, or even a quick stretch, helps break the awfulizing loop and calm my thoughts.

3. Exercise. Nothing helps me clear my mind more effectively than a good workout. My go-to exercise is lap swimming, but I also enjoy a brisk walk, especially if it’s outdoors. Exercise not only relieves physical tension, but it also gets you out of your usual surroundings, giving you a much-needed mental shift. For those who work from a home office, getting outside is even more important. When you’re isolated, minor worries can feel amplified, so make sure to build movement into your day as a way to release stress and gain perspective.

4. Prioritize sleep. One irony of awfulizing is that it often strikes when we’re sleep-deprived, and the very process of awfulizing can lead to insomnia. Taking practical steps to improve sleep—like cutting back on caffeine, reducing screen time before bed, and going to bed at the same time each night—can help create a more restful night. Even a single good night’s sleep can make a huge difference in breaking the cycle of awfulizing.

5. Practice positive thinking. One of the best ways to counteract awfulizing is to make a habit of positive thinking, even if you have to “fake it till you make it.” This doesn’t mean ignoring genuine concerns, but it does mean making a conscious effort to focus on solutions rather than worst-case scenarios. Over time, this habit can lead to a genuine shift in how you approach difficult situations.

6. Acknowledge our collective stress. We’re all under prolonged stress, which amplifies the urge to awfulize. Current events—from the lingering effects of the pandemic, economic and social disruptions, and an election year—affect us all and can add to our stress and uncertainty. Recognizing this widespread tension helps me remember that I’m not alone, and that there are many things outside my control.

Now is not the time to throw in the towel, even though it might feel tempting. As managers, we know how to handle change. We plan, organize, delegate, and find solutions daily. When you notice yourself awfulizing, take that skill set and apply it to your own thoughts. By taking it one manageable step at a time, you reduce your stress and slowly dissolve those catastrophic scenarios. Things do change, and while we can’t control everything, we can control how we react.

So remember, when awfulizing threatens to take over, turn instead toward practical steps: talk it out, take breaks, exercise, prioritize sleep, and focus on the positive. We can either lose ourselves in the darkness of “what ifs,” or we can choose to stay grounded, take one step at a time, and face life’s changes with resilience.

c. 2024 Julie Adamen Adain Inc. all rights reserved

DO YOU HAVE BOARD MEMBERS THAT COULD USE SOME HELP? HAVE THEM TAKE CAM 101 for BOARDS !? ?