Don't Assume, Be Happy

How to depersonalize being let down.

We're all more sensitive than we admit. It's built into our biology that we feel first, and reason second.

It's what kept us alive for most of our evolutionary history. It works like this:

1 ) See / hear a bear.

2 ) IMMEDIATELY FEEL fear.

3 ) Flee, Fight or Freeze to survive long enough to replroduce & pass our genes onto our descendants.

We ARE those descendants.

Those who decided instead to reason with the bear, became dinner.

Fast forward to today.

You're waiting on Zoom for a virtual meeting, they don't show up.

1 ) You're pissed off. Admit it. Science proved that emotions are faster than reason.

2 ) Based on the completely non-life or death event, we still feel similar to our ancestral emotions.

3 ) Next, in the safety of our office we reason from our emotions that their flaking was about US. A personal affront, they don't like US, or they don't respect US, or maybe they're just neither professional, nor serious.

4 ) In virtually all cases it's " me centric ". We're good / the victim & they're bad...

WAIT! We have NO Clue why they didn't show up. Were they abducted by aliens, in a fender bender, or did their phone die?

When you FEEL slighted, step back & reflect. It's almost certainly NOT life or death nowadays.

Allow your initial emotions to pass. Now reflect on how you just don't know the circumstances of their flaking.

Give them the same benefit of the doubt that you would be grateful for when you miss a meeting through no fault of your own.

We've ALL been on both sides of this equation.

Until you know otherwise, be as kind toward them as you would want them to be towards you when you've flaked for good reason.

tim #bgreen??

P.S. And IFF it was your fault / responsibility, grow up, be professional, take responsibility & aplolgize.

#Neuro_Cognitive_Leadership #Emotions_are_Faster_than_Reason #leadership #science #gratitude #respect #professionalism