Don't ask for feedback. Don’t use the word "feedback"!

Many managers say, “I have some feedback for you...” Please don’t do this! Do you remember the last time someone said to you, “I would like to give you some feedback...”?

How did you feel? Relaxed, anxious, nervous... PANIC!?

Let’s try to avoid the word “feedback” altogether from now on ??

Many people ask managers, “Do you have any feedback for me?” Instead: Ask, "What advice do you have for me?" You can see people's facial expressions soften when you ask for “advice". It's strange but I really have noticed that people's brain's go into "auntie/uncle/caring relative" mode when the word advice is used instead of the dreaded feedback.?

Giving and receiving feedback is an art form, not a science. Yes, Data gives us plenty of things to feedback on, but we need to give that feedback to humans, or ask humans to give it to us. If the aim of feedback is to improve, then we need to do it in a better way.... A “coaching” way.

If you just want to give everyone an update on stats, or receive a status update send an email or use slack/dashboards.

Feedback sessions should be seen as coaching opportunities: we should plan AND make proper time for them. A status update is not feedback.?

In “feedback”, people will quote facts and figures and ask lots of probing “why” questions that can feel intimidating. When people are in “feedback mode” they feel that they MUST say one good thing and one bad thing and be analytical.?

If people give you advice, they speak from a a perspective of empathy not analysis. They will probably give you examples and actionable techniques from their own experience that you can use immediately to correct/improve the items you are discussing. Furthermore, they will probably give you a deeper insight as they will be interacting with your information on a deeper, personal and more emotional level. They will not just be looking at the data.

The word "feedback" is so associated with negative criticism that you can see people's facial expressions tense up and their body language tends to tense up too whenever the word “feedback" is seen in an email or on a calendar appointment. Always look at peoples' shoulders. The shoulders never lie. Shoulders up and in: Tense. Shoulders out and down: relaxed.

If people are tense, they may not give you the best information, they may get flustered. We want the correct/best information, so, let's help people relax! Think of any other way of giving/receiving feedback that does not involve the word “feedback”!!??

Try it today! If you are in a feedback or evaluation meeting. Do an A/B test. In one session, use expressions containing the word “feedback”. In the next session use expressions containing the word “advice”. I guarantee that you will notice a difference in non-verbal communication, the words used and the tone of voice:They will be softer, mor empathatic, more constructive.... and... more useful :)

Let's put it into practice today:

Don’t say: “I have some feedback for you about your project”

Instead, Say: "I would like to give you some advice about your project”

Or, Say: “What advice would you give to someone if they were about to start a similar project?”

Or, Say: What advice would you give to yourself to make this project successful?"

Even more radically; skip the “feedback/advice” words completely and start with open ended questions:?

“How’s the project going?”

“ What’s the most interesting thing about the project at the moment?”

“Is this project similar to any other projects you have worked on?”

“If I gave you a magic wand right now, how would you use it on your project?”

“What are your opinions on this project from when you started to today?”

And, remember (managers), you do not need to give any advice or feedback, you can just listen..... how about that for radical!