Don't Ask Dave...

"All the advice in the world will never help you until you help yourself."?

~ Fred Van Amburgh

Sitting by my desk, I could hear my business colleague's low resonance of grumbling as he walked by, annoyed and exasperated! His mood (he was always, positive) caught my attention, as I had never seen him this visibly frustrated, and it further piqued my curiosity.??

Eventually, my curiosity got the best of me. Seeing a fellow employee react in this manner in this area was puzzling, and I wanted to find out what happened, so I went to his desk and asked him what was wrong. He replied, "Man, I spent forty-five minutes in the boss's office looking for direction on this large finance deal, and he wasted my time! He talked about everything under the sun and toggled back and forth over subjects that had nothing to do with business or my problem! He even discussed his interest in collectibles and antiques but never got around to answering my question. Believe me, Cleo, this has got me bummed out!"?

Wow! I was shocked, as our department head, David (Dave) Snyder, had an excellent reputation. He was highly respected and known throughout the company as a "mentor's mentor."?

Hearing this news gave me pause, as I had never heard anyone speak negatively about Dave or his management style. Before I joined his department, Dave had counseled me on my career several times with on-point advice and wisdom. However, hearing my colleague's distressing news totally vexed me.?

The next day, when I saw my colleague, he was still steaming about the experience with Dave. He said, "Cleo, I am telling you, if you're looking for an answer or advice on handling any difficult finance deals, don't ask Dave because he will waste your time talking about so many things! After sitting there for a while waiting for an answer, you will find yourself looking for a way to get out of his office to get away from hearing stories about everything, as he will never give you advice on structuring a problematic finance deal!"?

I went back to my desk and continued to mull over what I had just heard. I thought, "Here I am in a new work area, and I have only been with this team for over a month. Why am I hearing about this now? Is this an isolated event or being blown out of proportion?"

Regardless, I was thrilled to have landed the perfect position with a good boss and to work with a stellar team! In addition, this department was where the organization recruited future leaders for the company. If you wanted to rocket your career upward, this is where you wanted to be, and I was there! Those thoughts alone were reasons enough for my excitement, yet seeing one of my peers baffled me. The more I thought about what my colleague shared, the more I couldn't understand it. I was confused because my experiences with Dave did not mirror his.?

Eventually, I dismissed his story and gave it no further thought until I had my first opportunity to sit with Dave. I had run into a problem getting a dealer to accept my answer on a challenging retail finance deal, and they submitted it for full finance approval with a borderline credit-worthy customer.?

This situation worsened because the dealer I worked with was one of our company's largest dealers. He was not shy about letting me know this, as he tried leveraging his high-volume position with our company by mentioning this in every discussion, as he continuously applied pressure on me to reverse my decision on the deal. The dealer also knew that the wholesale inventory-free interest period for financing the unit he submitted the deal for was ending soon, and the dealer would do all he could to sell this unit and avoid paying any additional interest! So, he pressured me relentlessly for almost two days for an answer.?

After a few more calls from the dealer, I needed a different strategy to get this dealer off my back, so I went to Dave to ask what he would do in my situation. Here is what happened.?

Dave never answered the question after I asked him what he would do. Instead, he talked with me for about 35 minutes about cars, sports, and my future career pursuits. We ended the conversation when he began to discuss some of his favorite restaurants. That's when I got up from my seat, thanked him for spending time with me, and left his office perplexed like my colleague.

I remember Dave waving at me when I got up from my chair. He said, "Cleo, it is always good talking with you, and stop by again anytime to chat." Then, on my departure, he gave me his signature wink and slow, sly grin.

I thought to myself, did it just happen? The answer was...Yes, and what happened to your friend just happened to you! That's right! I became the latest victim of Dave's asymmetrical mental warfare, and it was an experience I will never forget.?

I remember feeling the same way my buddy felt the other day, and I couldn't wait to talk with him about this experience. So I went by his desk and told him what had happened to me as we commiserated together and wallowed in our self-pity. Better yet, my colleague and I brainstormed the deal as I worked with him to develop a sound solution for my dealer and his customer, which bailed me out of a tricky situation, providing me the relief I did not get from Dave!?

Well, guess what, folks? Little did I know that another challenging finance deal came across my desk several months later that I needed help with. I thought twice about going to Dave's office for more "here we go round the merry-go-round" conversation. Still, I had to give it another shot by getting advice on another problematic situation. So…to Dave's office I went!

Well, after being dazzled by twenty minutes of baseball conversation and the beginning of some of Dave's early career adventures, I stopped him in mid-sentence. I said, "Dave, I'm sorry, but I do have to get back to this dealer on this deal. I would truly appreciate it if you could tell me how I should handle this situation."

Dave paused to look at me and put on his glasses. He leaned back in his chair and calmly, with a half-grin, asked me, "Well, Cleo, let me ask the question you asked me. And that question is, what do you think you should do with this challenging finance deal?"?

As I looked at him when he threw my question back to me, I thought, "Is this happening?" I came to your office specifically to get your advice and wisdom, and now you are asking me what I should do. What did I miss, and are you serious?"?

Dave continued to look at me with a side glance as if he could read my mind and shared these words I always remembered. "Cleo, you came to me for advice. But in seeking my advice, you never told me what actions you took to solve the problem you brought me. Now, I have to ask a few more questions. Did you bring me your research, options for consideration, and input from others on the deal? And by the way, did you share a recommendation you wanted to pursue based on facts and justifications? Cleo, I know you are looking for my help. But before I can help you, I need to know what you've done and what efforts you've made to help you make the right decision. Without this information, I have nothing to go on, and in the end, I can only provide you an answer that may not serve you well without you taking some time to figure it out yourself."

Wow! Now, that dim light in my head began to burn bright as I processed and finally received the clarity of his message and powerful lesson! Dave told me that if I came to him for help before first helping myself to find an answer, it would be tantamount to wasting his time by asking him to do something we could do for ourselves first.?

After reflecting on Dave's message, please know I got the memo, read the assignment, and learned a life lesson that day. Dave's message was sent and received!

That is why I am writing a story in tribute to David Snyder, one of the best managers I have ever worked with. Here are three lessons to share as I thank him for mentoring me and many others.?

Lesson #1- The Importance of Self-Reliance:?

Before seeking advice or help from others, trying to solve a problem on your own is important. This demonstrates independence and self-reliance and allows for personal growth and development. As the saying goes, "Give a man a fish, and you feed him for a day; teach a man to fish, and you feed him for a lifetime." By attempting to find solutions independently, we can learn valuable skills that can be applied to future situations.

Additionally, seeking help too quickly can hinder our problem-solving abilities and prevent us from fully understanding the issue. Thinking critically and exploring different options makes us more likely to develop creative solutions that may not initially appear.

Self-reliance is a survival skill and the key to our most significant discovery. It requires human beings to be thinkers, not just believers. With it, we can stand alone and form our views on intellectual and moral questions unaided by our companions.

In summary, please ensure you have exhausted all possible avenues before contacting others for assistance. This will build confidence in your abilities and lead to more effective problem-solving in the long run.

Lesson #2 -? Take Ownership of Your Problems.?

You cannot escape tomorrow's responsibility by evading it today." ~ Abraham Lincoln

One attribute that makes a person stand out in many of our minds is independence or taking ownership of our problems. Growing up and being able to take problems head-on without running to a superior for guidance is an elusive characteristic many seek in a soldier, a CEO, a manager, a teacher, a student, etc.?

Now, taking ownership should not be confused with a know-it-all attitude. It should be natural for anyone in the company's organization to ask for help when appropriate. No matter what position you are in, good leaders never hesitate to seek help from others.

But before we end lesson #2, always take to heart lesson #1! Why? Because if anyone comes into my office, my first question is, what have you done to show me that you have thoroughly thought about the situation and have options for me to consider based on your ability to show you have taken ownership?

Lesson # 3 -? Build Your Confidence and Independence

Confidence is the cornerstone of personal growth and professional success. It serves as the internal compass that guides us through challenges and uncertainties.?

As the renowned motivational speaker Zig Ziglar once powerfully stated, "Confidence is not a guarantee of success, but a pattern of thinking that will help you overcome challenges and setbacks with a positive mental attitude." This profound insight underscores the essential truth that true confidence is not about never experiencing doubt but developing the mental resilience to navigate obstacles with unwavering self-belief and determination.

Building independence goes hand in hand with cultivating confidence and empowering individuals to trust their judgment, make bold decisions, and chart their course in life. By embracing self-reliance and continuously challenging personal limitations, we create a foundation of inner strength that allows us to pursue our goals with courage and authenticity. Independence is not about isolation but about having the self-assurance to seek guidance when needed while maintaining the conviction to forge our unique path, ultimately transforming personal potential into tangible achievements and meaningful personal growth.

So there you have it! I hope you appreciate these (simple but essential) lessons for a lifetime without having to hear someone wax poetically for hours in a roundabout way to deliver this sound advice. No worries, as my colleagues and I did that for you!

Seriously, folks, I miss Dave. His lessons stay with me, and I share them with many people I have worked with throughout my career.?

True success emerges from an unwavering belief in one's capabilities and the courage to chart an independent course. As Ralph Waldo Emerson eloquently expressed, "Trust thyself: every heart vibrates to that iron string."?

This profound wisdom underscores the transformative power of self-reliance, self-confidence, and personal accountability. In both life and business, individuals who embrace these aspects of professional development in their journey will be successful and able to answer any question. More importantly, they should develop the capability to teach others how to solve problems and find the answers for themselves.?

#AskDave

I hope you enjoyed this chapter from my upcoming book, "Another Cup With Cleo." You can find all of my books at any book-selling retail outlet or at www.coffeewithcleo.com.