Don't Always Rely on the Ladder!

The ‘law of holes’ is an adage which states: "if you find yourself in a hole, stop digging" (Will Rogers). It is used as a metaphor; warning us that when in an untenable position, it is best to stop making the situation worse.?This sounds simple.?Somewhat, common sense.?But then, in the context of yet another adage, “when it comes to common sense, it really isn’t that common” (Voltaire).

The Cambridge Dictionary describes this ‘law of holes’ dilemma as “to take an action that is going to cause a lot of trouble for you”.?When considered literally, why would anyone want to do such a thing? Yet so many of us do.?

But, what causes us to take this sort of action? What makes us keep digging, sometimes past the point of being able to climb out of the hole on our own. ?And when we find ourselves in a hole that has become too deep for us to get out of, what do we do???For me, there are only three ways out of this situation.?

The first is to recognise that you are in over your head, put down the shovel and holler in the hope that someone might hear you and come to your rescue.?

The second is to accept the hand of the person who has realised that you might be in a spot of bother, and has, of their own volition, reached down to pull you out.?

And in the absence of the first two, the third is to use the ladder; you know, the one that we all pack away as a last resort, in readiness for a quick escape for when we do end up digging that hole just a little too deep.

"You can't dig a different hole by digging the same one deeper" - Edward de Bono -

If you haven’t yet connected the dots, these three ways out of the hole you have dug yourself into, directly relate to our ability, first and foremost to ask for help; second, to accept help that is being offered to you, and third, to have the self-awareness to understand that you are digging a hole in the first instance, why you might be digging it, and, most importantly, whether you even need to dig it. In the case of the latter, having to carry a ladder while at the same time digging a hole, can be awkward, cumbersome and tiring, so best not to have to carry it at all.??

But what is the ladder, I hear you ask? What is this tool you are going to use to get you out of a hole that is too deep? Well, like any ladder there are many rungs to it; ego, arrogance, blame, defensiveness, judgment, excuses, apathy, denial, ignorance;?you get the picture. And while anyone of these rungs may ultimately get us out of the hole we were in, in doing so, we have merely demonstrated to others that we refuse responsibility for our contributions to the problem and lack the ability to hold ourselves accountable for our actions.

Ask for Help

To ask for help, you must recognise you need it.?This in itself is an aspect of self-awareness, but one that is more about understanding where you are, rather than who you are, as is more the case with the ladder.? Why is it that so many of us, myself included, find it difficult to ask for help at the time it is needed, preferring to leave things go until someone else recognises you need help or, worse still, until its too late to rescue the situation at all.

"Admitting that I didn't know something and asking for help was perhaps the single best lesson I ever learnt" - Simon Sinek -

One simple reason is that as human beings we are hardwired to want to be able to do things on our own. Therefore, asking for help can be uncomfortable because it concedes control to someone else and perhaps risks the perception of being needy or unable.

As someone who has a strong preference for independence and autonomy, it took me a while to realise that possessing such traits does not mean that we can't ask for help. Putting your hand up and asking for help is one of the most gracious ways to extract yourself from the hole you are in. It also requires you to be OK with being vulnerable.

Don't ever be afraid to ask for help, it's a sign of great strength!

Accept Help

To accept help, you must be humble enough to take it. We all have our blind spots and if we accept that as being true then equally we must accept that others will likely see what we can’t.? Sometimes it will be the case that others will be aware enough to see the hole we are digging for ourselves way before we realise we are digging it.

"We all have a blind spot and it's shaped exactly like us" - Junot Diaz -

In this case, it is incumbent upon us to listen, to understand and most importantly of all to accept the hand of friendship that is being extended to us, in a time of need. It is this awareness and feedback from others that helps us to broaden our perspective of self, to become less self-involved, positively influencing how we perceive ourselves and the world around us. ?

Don't ever be afraid to accept help you are offered, it's a sign of great humility!

Don't Always Rely on the Ladder

One of my most favourite self-awareness quotes is from Master Jedi Yoda when he advised Luke Skywalker that in order to acquire the skills and mindset of a Jedi, "you need to train yourself to let go of everything you fear to lose". To become more self-ware, you must better know yourself, your drivers, your triggers and your fears.

"The better you know yourself, the better your relationship with the rest of the world" - Toni Collette

In the case of the hole you are in, what is it that is causing you to keep digging? What is it that is preventing you from looking up and seeing that you may have dug too far? What is it that you fear to lose by stopping digging? Being able to honestly answer these questions for yourself will stop you from digging a hole to the extent where you will ever need to rely on that invisible, or perhaps not so invisible, ladder we always have on hand.

Don't ever be afraid to stop digging, its a sign of great awareness!

It is said that the definition of madness is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results, and for me the 'digging of holes' falls neatly into this definition.? And not only do we dig holes for ourselves over and over again, worse still is the fact that sometimes we keep digging the same holes.

As someone who has always preferred to lead from behind when it comes to people development and leadership, it is only in recent years that I have fully understood and appreciated how much ‘hole digging’ you can actually see from the back of the pack.?And while I fully accept that in the workplace there will always be the ‘digging of holes’, I do so on the understanding that it is a necessary inter-personal dynamic, the outcome of which is personal growth and development, teamwork and collaboration and a workplace where everyone aspires to do right by each other.

So the next time you find yourself digging a hole, simply put down the shovel, throw away the ladder and calmly and graciously step back out onto the same level surface as everyone else around you.