THE DOMINIC CUMMINGS' PRESS CONFERENCE- THE DECONSTRUCT

For those of us familiar with the Dark Arts, yesterday’s Dominic Cummings’ show was an absolute 65 minute treat . This note attempts to deconstruct what Cummings was trying to achieve and to decide if he was successful and whether or not there will be any lasting damage . Even as I’m writing this, a Government minister has resigned so this is a fast moving story .

As a strategist, Cummings’ aims yesterday would have been twofold, keep hold of his job and take pressure of his boss, the Prime Minister. The strategy would have been to face the country’s top press grillers and to appear open and honest and leave no stone unturned.

Consider the setting. Downing Street . This was intentionally done to show how close Cummings and Johnson are. The timing, 5pm on a Bank Holiday when most people were meant to be at home. The DC show was so important that it meant moving the normal Party Political Broadcast to a later time.

What about the look? This was a plain table and plain jug and glass of water to show how straightforward Dom is. And even his look. A neutral white unbuttoned shirt to emphasise how normal he is. Compare and contrast with the bag of shite clothes Cummings usually wears.

Make no mistake. Cummings would have loved taking on the three heavyweight press nasties . Cummings’ self-importance and arrogance would have made him feel he was easily a match for Kuenssberg, the ever smirking Peston and the new kid on the block, Beth Rigby . Prior to all this I have to admit I had never heard of Sky’s Beth Rigby. Now she really is the Rottweiler on the leash of British telly journalism . I have heard she bases her whole look on Cruella De Vil and she does it magnificently.

Did you notice our Dom making stabbing type notes in response to the questions? This reminded me very much of a Jack Charlton little black book affair of writing down their names and getting them back later.

Advertisers have long believed that the North Eastern accent is the one that’s most trusted. So DC has that going for him but that’s about it.

I have no doubt that he and his wife had virus symptoms but his account of the visit to his family smacks of entitlement. He would have thought something like where is it better to be confined, London or the posh and spacious family estate with his sister and various nieces on hand to childmind if needed. Did you notice that the ages of his nieces seemed to change during the narrative?

Anyway, where this I’m going on a Bear Hunt story falls apart is the Barnard Castle part. This is my guess as to what happened. It was his posh wife’s 45th birthday on April 12th, Easter Sunday . The poor old Cummings's were due to have to slum it back down to London the next day . Mrs C wanted to do something fancy on her birthday. Mr C considered a mental map of the area and concluded, not unreasonably, that BC was a better day out than, for example, Middlesbrough. Having been to Middlesbrough, I’d have made the same choice. Dom would have thought, we have got away with it so far so what the hell. Nobody will see us, I’m not that well known. Sadly for Dom, he is that well known and he was spotted . Dom then compounded the error with a little trip to the woods on the way back where again he was presumably spotted .

The eyesight story is  Dom’s subsequent version of the dog ate my homework . Nobody believes it because it seems highly implausible.

So did Cummings achieve his objectives ? Sort of. I’ll give him 7/10. He still has his job but I think Cummingsgate will prove lasting damage to the Prime Minister and the Conservative brand.