Dominance & Dialogue
By Hidde van der Pol and Susan Taylor
Hidde’s Perspective:
As individual Human Beings, we operate in a wider system. And collectives of individuals form different systems again. For instance, our family constructs a “Family system” and beyond this, we are simultaneously part of multiple systems: Work-system; Country-System; Religion-system; Political-system etc. Each of these systems has its own dynamics and is unique in the way in which it operates. This is what we call “systemic dynamics”.
As individuals, we enter into these systems mostly unconsciously throughout our lives. When, how and where we are born already determines some of these systems and their dynamics. We are becoming part of them the moment we see light!
At later stages of our lives, we might become more conscious about entering certain systems, consciously or subconsciously feeling an attraction or rejection towards them.
When we become part of a certain system, we adopt the way of thinking that comes with the system (Systems Thinking). It is this thinking that reinforces the dynamics of the system itself.
Letting go of our conditioning
When we talk about Transformation, we are being invited to challenge the current systems thinking toward eventually letting go of that particular thinking. Once we have let go, a new thinking takes its place, and the system dynamics transform, leading us forward into new realities. If I look around and follow the global news and our current challenges worldwide, I believe we are being invited to collectively transform our way of thinking—our current systems thinking.
Founded upon Dominance
Almost all current systems thinking is formed around having an opinion and putting effort into convincing or dominating others who have a different opinion or perspective into adopting our opinion. In short, it is all about Dominance; those who dominate have the power. Systems Thinking based on Dominance fuels polarisation and “either/or” mindsets.
Viewed from the perspective of Transformation, a polarised system is not at all a fertile base for co-creating new realities. What we need for successful and impactful Transformation is diversity, curiosity, inclusion—as many different perspectives as possible—because all these ingredients lead to “The Best Idea” or even a completely NEW idea.
Given the global and local challenges we face as humanity, our only sustainable way forward will come from the systems thinking of Dialogue. To open up productive and innovative ways to face our challenges will require a fundamental Transformation in our current predominant systems thinking.
The first step to shift our systems thinking
A very concrete first step is to invite the Dominance-driven system thinkers to join in conversation with the Dominated. Easier said than done, as it might trigger some fears around “losing dominance and/or control”. I do believe the challenges we face might give us the necessary opening, however, as not acting at all certainly does not benefit either one of the polarised groups (the dominators and the dominated).
And there is urgency—a sense of urgency of not having a proven solution by sticking to the current systems thinking. As Einstein so eloquently put it:
“We cannot solve our problems with the same way of thinking we
used when we created them.”
This is what might prompt people to take a seat at the conversation table to engage in Dialogue in which people are invited (in a safe way) to share their perspectives without falling into the old pattern of trying to convince the other who is right and who is wrong.
Experiencing that it is okay to disagree—that it is okay to have a different perspective—a different background—will create the necessary trust to go to a potential next phase. For it is only when people co-create an opportunity to not defend but hold multiple perspectives that we are better able to look at all of them, detaching ourselves from our own individual perspectives while retaining them. And ultimately, this is what builds deeper collective trust.
Obviously, this requires mature and professional facilitation, as we tend to fall back into our customed way of systems thinking and convincing pretty fast—especially when deep rooted emotions and vivid memories pop up, as they can during open and honest communication!
I firmly believe that Dialogue is the way to promote shifts in systems thinking. These shifts are the only way to enhance the necessary transformations and innovations necessary to tackle our current and future global and local challenges.
Susan’s Perspective
I also firmly believe that Dialogue is the way through. And apparently, so did the grandfather of Dialogue—Dr. David Bohm…so much so that he spelled it with a capital “D”.
The way David Bohm envisioned Dialogue is as a “stream of meaning, flowing among and through and between… making possible a flow of meaning in the whole group”, out of which new understanding emerges. “It’s something new, which may not have been in the starting point at all. It’s something creative. And this shared meaning is the ‘glue’ or ‘cement’ that holds people and societies together.”
And how do we attempt this?
Through listening.
In playing an active role in listening, we slow down the process of thought, which in turn helps to bring more awareness to those deep-rooted emotions and the vivid memories Hidde mentions, as well as our perspectives around them. Most of us do not truly know how to listen—especially when it comes to business.
Think about it… in early education, we are trained to recite and repeat. As we get older and reach higher grades, we are encouraged to have an opinion, but it had better not be too radical. God forbid we become an outlier. And then, as we move into our professional careers, the way to rise to still higher levels is by having the right answer and solving the right problems—so much so that as we sit at the board room table, we are already forming that answer in our head, as one of our colleagues verbally shares hers.
Stephen Covey stated it best:
“Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they
listen with the intent to reply.”
If I am not listening when my colleague shares her view, I am not only missing an opportunity to make a deeper human connection, I am missing out on an opportunity to learn. And when I close myself off to learning, I dominate. And when I dominate, I divide.
And this is exactly why we need Dialogue.
Dialogue creates an opportunity where we listen to all of the opinions in the room. In David Bohm’s words…”If nothing seems to get done… the process of Dialogue is still going to affect us at a much deeper level… simply by listening to all the opinions.” Doing so with the intention to fully understand another’s view “will bring us together” for it is the “defense of opinions” that separates people.
In my own words: Defending my opinion divides. Holding all of the opinions unites… Because in the latter, there are no winners or losers. In business, most of us want to win.
In Dialogue, there are no winners or losers because people with diverse perspectives are encouraged to discuss topics that are important to them where all parties feel safe and respected no matter how great their differences or points of view. It is possible for people who strongly disagree with one another’s views to still have an opportunity to learn from one another without feeling forced to either protect or change their opinions.
A safe space to talk and listen
Fundamentally, Dialogue creates a space of psychological safety—where you can break down self-imposed barriers to be able to authentically show up and employ yourself without fear of negative consequences to self-image, position or career. This psychological safety is essential, and from Google’s perspective, is: “the critical differentiator between consistently successful teams and others.”
Bohm’s view was that if people listen to one another in a way that encourages all opinions to be heard, and “do that in government or in business or internationally, our society would all work differently”; and my assumption is that he meant for the better. And so now we have come full circle.
When you are attached to a certain assumption or hold a fixed mindset and defend it because that is your system’s way of thinking, you cannot listen properly to somebody else’s opinion because you are resisting. When we are in resistance, we don’t really want to hear different ideas. Especially when we believe our answer is the solution the organisation absolutely needs. We try to dominate by defending our view; and in that, we resist. In that resistance, we shut down, creating barriers between us and others. It is totally natural that we behave defensively, by the way—it happens to all of us, me included.
Dialogue is therefore not suggesting that you judge yourself for defending your opinion; it is rather about noticing when you are defending. Because we will defend. We will judge. We will have our biases—it is the brain’s way of protecting us.
The Practice of Dialogue is to be “sensitive to that which condemns and judges… looking at all the opinions and assumptions and letting them surface… because assumptions are powerful; and we are not usually aware of them.”
By suspending our assumptions—hanging them out in front so you and others can see and experience them—we can more fully understand one another. It is from that understanding that we derive shared meaning. It is from that shared meaning that we act in collective partnership.
How to facilitate Dialogue
If you feel that Dialogue could enable your team to transition through a particular challenge or would simply create a more dynamic culture within your organisation, we would love to help you by guiding your Dialogue practice.
Drop us a line with your questions:
Susan Taylor +1 (978) 808-3488
and/or
Hidde van der Pol +31 (0)611363730