DOMESTIC VIOLENCE Is Real

KENNEDY TOWNSHIP, PA – Domestic violence is a problem that affects people from all walks of life. The abuse is willful and includes various measures of emotional scaring, physical and sexual assault, battery, and any other abusive behavior resulting in a systematic pattern of power and control that’s perpetrated by one intimate partner against another. Such action creates a lasting burden on its victims, no matter the economic background, age, ethnicity, or gender. Education, resources, and conversations are necessary to bring awareness to and provide resources and support for survivors. The Domestic Violence Seminar at St. Malachy Gym on Thursday night in Kennedy Township intended to do just that. Although this event was free and open to the public, turnout was not as expected.

           Did you know: In 2014, every 9 seconds in the U.S., a woman is assaulted or beaten, and in just one day, 2,498 victims/survivors were served by Pennsylvania domestic violence programs. According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV) there were 252 requests for domestic violence services unmet. And each year, 10 million people are abused in the U.S., according to the Pennsylvania Coalition Against Domestic Violence (PCADV). So, the question is, what are we doing about this issue?

Domestic violence is the epidemic we never discuss. Why is that? Some equate the silence to shame, embarrassment, even denial. Others believe the lack of physical contact, but verbal assault is not abuse. The reality is lives are being lost behind this silence. Now is the time to speak up.

“Under domestic violence, there are several chains of help that need to be offered beyond just talking,” said Susan Miller, Founder of the non-profit organization She Deserves. “Most abusers,” she stated, “don’t understand that abuse is control.”

Sadly, the stigma of “if someone sees someone in an abusive situation, they don’t want to get involved for fear of losing that friendship,” said Eugene Sciulli, an advent supporter of Alina’s Light, Inc and family friend of the Sheykhets. He believes this was the situation with Alina and her friends. "If you see something, say something," he pleaded, encouraging others not to be ashamed to get involved. “It’s better to lose a friend that’s alive, then regret the fact that you never said anything.”

In 2017, Alina Sheykhet, a University of Pittsburgh student, was slain by her ex-boyfriend, who broke into her apartment and murdered her after being served the protection from abuse order. Flaws in Pennsylvania’s Protection from Abuse (PFA) system failed to protect. “If law enforcement had been able to monitor his activity, Alina might still be alive today,” attested Sciulli.

The first step to speaking out about abuse is education. Educating our youth, young adults, women, and even men to understand their worth and recognize their self-esteem is essential. But knowledge alone is not enough. In the year and a half since the #MeToo movement erupted, women have recounted stories of sexual assault. What’s being done to bring awareness to this issue, but also to prevent what seems like a generational curse for so many?

“Damsel In Defense is a parent resource program with games, books, and parent guides that allow parents to talk to their children starting from toddlerhood about safety, security, and teaching them about tricky people,” said Theresa Testa Zamagias, an independent Damsel Pro representative. “It opens up the conversation at a very young age about what is right and wrong and exposes body boundaries and coercion along with addressing other relevant topics.”

Early awareness and conversations are a step in the right direction towards education. When such safeguards are in place, "then the control doesn't [occur] because [individuals] understand their self-worth and confidence,” said Miller about the discussion from the Founder and CEO of She'Matters GIRLS, Inc. Mrs. Rome spoke of how through her organization's academies, girls and young women learn as early as first grade to understand their worth and recognize their value.

All acknowledged that such programs revolutionize the trajectory of dispelling violence overall. “That's the beginning because when [individuals] possess these traits, then they can't be manipulated or controlled,” affirmed Miller.

Considering the concept of incorporating such early intervention programs to teach self-worth and awareness in the P.A. schools, Sciulli sees it as a challenge. "The problem in P.A. is that every school is its own entity." With 500 public school districts in the state, consisting of 3,287 schools and 120 charter schools, according to the Pennsylvania Department of Education, the question remains, how do we fix this when parents comment they will educate their children about this topic at home.

 One remedy to aid in correcting the issue is to voice your concerns to your local legislatures. “There’s nothing better than to receive 400 emails on a bill to say vote yes,” said Anita Astorino Kulik, State Representative for the 45th Legislative District.  Kulik believes in empowerment through education and advocates for laws against domestic violence.  

 Her efforts helped to enforce House Bill 588, which as of January 14, 2020, is in the House Judiciary Committee for consideration. This legislation would give judges discretion as to whether a Protection From Abuse (PFA) defendant should wear an electronic monitoring device if the defendant poses a threat of violating the order.

“Domestic abuse is control," Susan Miller, Founder of the non-profit organization She Deserves. “She Deserves is teaching [woman] how to take back control and heal." Miller reflected on the cases of children whom the abuse affects and how they aren't able to deal with the dynamics of it all. "We're also getting men who come to us saying, I think I'm abusing my partner, but I'm not sure if I am because this is what I grew up with.”

Many wonder why women aren't able to leave their abusers? Research reveals that domestic abuse is not just about being ‘battered,’ it is more about being subjected to coercive and controlling behavior of threats that harm the women or their families if they do not comply with their abuser's demands.

“Abuse was a part of my childhood and my marriage. I had to learn what was normal. I had to go to counseling to learn how to date a guy that treated me nice,” said Miller. “This was the only thing I saw from my Mother and Grandmother. So, to be with a gentleman that [was nice to me] was not the norm. I had a lot of counseling to learn that the abuse was not normal.”

Reprogramming for many women is a reality once they leave their abusive environments. More prevalent is learning how to prevent the cycle. 

 For those interested in getting involved, the next step is to write a letter to your state representative to co-sponsor the bill,” said Kulik. Referring to the monitoring of PFA, Kulik shared, "They’re already doing this to an extent in Washington County.”

Victims should not have to live in fear. Join me in taking this next important step to further prevent another senseless death by assisting with Aliana’s Law. Visit the website at AlinasLight.Com and sign the petition.

 “Every voice helps,” said Kulik.

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Published Organizations:

Alina's Light, Inc. is a charitable organization established in honor of Alina Sheykhet, whose life was tragically taken in a senseless act of violence in October 2017. Alina’s Law (Pennsylvania House Bill 588) will protect victims of domestic violence by giving the court a means to enforce orders for Protection from Abuse (PFA). Visit website at www.alinaslight.com

Damsel in Defense's mission is to equip, empower, and educate women to protect themselves and their families. The company offers products for one’s safety and security for the automobile, home, and personal self-defense and much more. Independent Damsel Pros other ways to receive financial freedom as a representative of the company, but also provide empowerment and healing to those affected by assault. Visit the website at www.mydamselpro.net/DAMSELPGH/ or email at [email protected]

She'Matters G.I.R.L.S., Inc is a charitable non-profit for girls and young women ages 6 to 22 years old. Through academies, specialty training programs, workshops, and conferences, this organization emphasizes teaching social poise and etiquette, enhancing leadership development and engaging in civic and community outreach. Donations and contributions provided to this 501 c(3) organization are tax-deductible. Visit the website at www.smgis4me.org or email at [email protected]

She Deserves, Inc is a 501 c(3) non-profit organization that helps abused women develop confidence and self-worth, so they can become independent, self-reliant, and take pride in developing their own security, with economic independence. Visit website at www.shedeserves.org

Article Published: Gazette 2.0 |

January 29, 2010