Why successful virtual leadership requires getting comfortable with disagreement

A guide to leading teams in hybrid and remote environments

Being willing to challenge and positively disagree

At the start of this series we introduced the Hoxby Model of Remote Leadership? and the 14 domains in which effective virtual leaders excel. So far we have explored several areas including agile experimentation, resilience, communication and authenticity. This week we are looking at why remote leaders need to be comfortable with disagreement, drawing on inspiration and insights from Alex Hirst (co-founder of Hoxby), Matthew Knight (creator of the freelance community Leapers) and Caroline Jameson (MD of operations at Hoxby). 

Research shows that higher levels of disagreement and a readiness to question assumptions, along with constructive debate and feedback, leads to better work outcomes. Moreover, 65 percent of employees want more feedback. It follows that a leader who is comfortable with discord is better able to challenge the status quo and tackle difficult issues that might be blocking productivity. 

Alex Hirst found that receiving feedback can be difficult, yet he knew it was absolutely critical in harnessing his potential – and that of all Hoxbies. So, when receiving feedback, he developed the following four-step process:

• step 1: receive the feedback and recognise and accept any initial emotions of annoyance, discomfort or anger
• step 2: put those feelings to one side: remember that you are not always right, that you trust the people you work with and that you respect their opinions. Tap into your growth mindset and start to think about potential learnings and opportunities,
• step 3: if necessary, ask the feedback giver to clarify any points (because you're in a positive mindset now this could lead to a great conversation)
• step 4: implement the learnings (#AlwaysImproving, as we like to say)

When offering feedback, Alex shares his thoughts without any expectation that they should be implemented. It is up to him to present his line of thinking well enough for the decision maker to figure out the best way forward. By role modelling these behaviours, he aims to establish a culture of being comfortable with disagreement.

For Jossie Morrison, MD of Technology at Hoxby, one of the most important things when giving feedback as a leader is to not apologise. Saying ‘Sorry, I disagree’ sets the tone that dissent is something someone should feel remorse for. Instead, embed a culture of constructive criticism and visibly thank team members for highlighting where they think differently. 

At Hoxby, we have developed a guide to giving and receiving feedback, which is shared with all Hoxbies when they are onboarded to the community. We also encourage associates to communicate how they would like to receive feedback – some people like to have a conversation, others prefer a video where they can see body language but don’t have to respond on the spot, while others still prefer to see it all written down. Matthew Knight at Leapers has developed a platform (Manual of Me – check it out here) that encourages individuals and teams to think about how they work best. Feedback is a huge consideration and something he specifically highlights in his own, personal, manual (he prefers feedback given honestly, candidly and in writing please). 

As leaders at Hoxby, we strive to continually prompt team members for feedback, as we know people won’t always come forward with constructive comments unless asked. And more often than not, such discussions highlight other areas of leadership that can be improved on. For example, the conversation below resulted in three major-process improvements (the introduction of a bi-weekly, all team lunch catch up, a change in how we provided feedback on documents and a push to delegate more). This open forum leads to high quality feedback. By being transparent, open and honest, there is no whispering in the corridor (or private Slack channels), or ‘he said/she said’ type comments.

A screenshot showing Annika Hart, MD of Futureproofing at Hoxby, asking the team for feedback (prompting 15 replies).

As a Hoxby MD, Caroline Jameson has found that healthy conflict is one of the hardest things to recreate virtually. It was a skill she thought she had mastered until she recently watched a recording of a Google Meet she had attended. In person, we use body language, facial expressions and tone to soften our words. When reduced to faces on a video call, mild expressions of dissent land with much greater force. As a consequence, she felt her feedback had come through much more strongly than she intended. 

She resolved her concerns by reaching back out to ensure that she hadn’t come across as brusque. In fact, it turned out that the individual in question thought Caroline had been very considerate and clear, but felt even more valued and respected as a result of her concern. It’s a perfect example of the awareness and empathy required for great leadership. 

Key takeaways

• Can you identify a recent experience where you got something wrong? Can you role model to your team that it is a safe space for disagreement and constructive feedback by sharing that example, apologising if appropriate and explaining what you have learnt and will do differently next time? Use this experience to encourage your team to do the same.
• Encourage your team members to create their own Manual of Me and communicate how they like to receive feedback

Next week we will explore how leaders can empower teams to work brilliantly together in a virtual environment. If you can’t wait to read the entire series, or if you'd like to see how the theory comes to life through real examples of brilliant virtual leadership within each domain, you can request the full PDF here.