Doing the Opposite: Dr Mark Goulston – Transforming Pain into HOPE (healing, optimism, perspective, and excitement)

In the latest episode of Doing the Opposite Season 4, I had the pleasure of sitting down for a chat with my good friend, Dr Mark Goulston.

Dr Mark is an American psychiatrist, executive coach and consultant who has worked with Fortune 500 companies, universities, and other companies.

He also has 35 years of experience in suicide prevention, as well as being a former hostage negotiation trainer for the FBI — it’s fair to say he’s got an extraordinary CV.

It was brilliant to welcome him onto the show to talk about his approach to disruptive thinking, and he shared some powerful anecdotes and life lessons we can all learn from.

Here are a couple of my favourite takeaways.

Retrofit your life with HOPE

Dr Mark is the co-founder of the Deep Coaching Institute, which provides coaching to leaders and high achievers who feel like something is holding them back inside.

“One of the first components of the deep coaching training course is what we call ‘Retrofit your life with HOPE’,” he explains. “That stands for Healing, Optimism, Perspective, and Excitement.”

To help people heal, Dr Mark prompts people to think back to a difficult time they didn’t imagine they’d get through and meet that part of themself.

“When I see myself at 25, I say, ‘If I were to tell you that in the next 50 years, you're not only going to come back and finish medical school, what you're going through is going to enable you to reach many, many people and save a bunch of lives.’”

By tapping into that pain and giving your previous self a dose of healing optimism, Dr Mark says you can completely change your perspective on life.

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Having difficult conversations

Dr Mark coaches several CEOs and founders who avoid conflict because they think it will go poorly. But this doesn’t just make an impact on their professional lives.

“I work with many people who tell me they avoid conflict everywhere in their lives and feel they need to stop,” he says. “I’ve discovered that people who avoid conflict have trouble being proactive in interpersonal issues.”

“They can be proactive with strategy and vision, but when it comes to interpersonal skills, they get nervous. They're afraid the other person will escalate the situation. But if you are proactive, the person you are having problems with will often calm down because you're taking charge of the situation without being controlling.”

According to Dr Mark, by proactively handling a difficult situation, you can avoid upset — and even gain more respect as a leader.

Discover more of Dr Mark’s stories and insights by watching or listening to the second episode of Doing the Opposite now.