Doing Death Differently : Modern vs Past Funerals

We have come a long way in terms of funeral ceremonies. So many aspects of it have evolved although some customs and traditions have remained through the ages. As a funeral director and witnessing this family business grow over the years, many still turn to familiar traditions at a time of loss while implementing several new trends in the way they would like to send off their loved ones.?

Today’s funeral is not the funeral of ten years ago, and certainly not fifty or even hundred years past. Funerals now are more personal and individualised than those in past generations, where one service was very much like the next. In harsh words, funerals used to simply be a ceremony of ‘getting rid of the body’ in a respectful way and closing a chapter of one's life. Today, emphasis is more on a memorial service that celebrates life and to create a meaningful occasion that is as unique as the individual being honoured.

This move towards having varied options in saying your last farewell reflects an increasingly individualistic society. Some of the common popular options include photo collage, video compilation or favourite playlist of music. Themed funerals are also becoming quite a favourite especially when it reflects the life the deceased once had. Additions like balloons or dove release gives a special touch to a memorial. However traditionally in the past, these extra gestures are typically only done by highly ranked people. Back then, funerals were conducted in the simplest and straightforward way possible; a wake & ceremony for family and friends to pay respect and say their goodbyes, a burial at the cemetery or cremation and then proceeding to funeral reception where family organise to convey appreciation for those who came. In some regions even, a funeral used to be a community’s affair where they would take the responsibility for the care and custody of death, with the local undertaker, often a familiar local carpenter who would build the coffin and the family home serving as the funeral parlour themselves.

Besides the ceremonies, obituary notices went through changes too. If you’re in the same generation as I am, you would probably remember those obituary notices published in the local papers and it even includes the details of the funeral. Sometimes, you would only know about someone’s passing through a phone call or even from another person and that might sometimes be days or even weeks after. Modern technology nowadays makes it easier and almost instant to inform death to anyone, anywhere. Not to mention social media such as Facebook, gives the option for a named person to take control of your profile after death, turning it into a public memorial site to list funeral details and even receive well-wishes from long-lost friends. And for family or friends who cannot travel, certain families would even conduct a live broadcast of the funeral service online.

While wearing black is still commonplace at modern funerals today, some guests now wear a mixture of dark colours from black to navy and even brown or white. Past funerals used to be a lot more strict in limiting to only black. However interestingly now, themed funerals are picking up with mourners being asked to wear a specific colour such as a favourite football theme or a young child’s favourite colour, to celebrate their life at the ceremony.

When it comes to burial methods, inarguably modern and past funerals are not that much of a difference yet especially when it comes to Asian countries like us. Ground burial and cremation is still unquestionably the option people go for. Nevertheless, that does not mean modern society did not come up with other creative ways to bid goodbye to the physical body. In some countries, ashes of loved ones can be made into daily objects such as beads or even decorative pieces, giving it a new ‘life’ at home. In the US, ashes can be used to rebuild coral reefs thus in a way, giving back to nature. And as for burials, sometimes coffins are customised to the deceased or family members' wishes.

Funerals are moving away from the rigid law on guidelines on customs and rituals to a more informal style of gathering and grieving while at a celebration of life. Pre-planning is expected to become increasingly more common among the current generation who seems to be more comfortable in personalising their end-of-life needs. Nowadays, most people want a funeral provider who views the loss with empathy and compassion rather than just a commercial opportunity. In summary, the notion of a funeral does not conjure the same image today that it did yesterday. May it be modern, traditional or a unique mixture of both, the choices are endless and worth considering long before your final curtain call.