Dog days and grief spaniels

Dogs are a man’s best friend, and a woman’s for that matter. So it’s only natural that dogs and grief go hand in paw.

You may have heard of Greyfriars Bobby, the Skye Terrier who guarded his owner’s for 14 years until he died.? There’s even a statue of him in Edinburgh.

Love and devotion work both ways.

Grief Spaniel

I decided to get a dog a year after my son Fred died. Strictly speaking, I nagged and cried at my husband for months until he eventually caved.

Dustin arrived.

I had a new focus and somewhere to put my time and energy. We always joked that Fred was part boy, part spaniel, and it felt good to inject some joyful chaos back into our lives, even if that did mean we couldn’t take our eyes off him and needed several emergency vet appointments.

Dustin brings joy and comfort. He is delighted to see me every morning and always eager to please. But he is a gentle, calm spaniel when he needs to be. On bad days, he climbs onto the back of the sofa and drapes himself across the back of my neck to rest his head on my shoulder.

He comes to work with me and it was a non-negotiable when I decided on an office (thank you Jo and Becky). I used to turn down in-person meetings if Dustin couldn’t come. I pretended that it was because he was a puppy and couldn’t be left but really it was me that needed the emotional support animal.

We're both a bit braver now.

Rainbow Bridge

So what happens when our pets die?? Should we take time off work?? How much grief should we allow ourselves, and each other?

When we think of bereavement, we tend to think of close relatives, spouses, children, grandparents; maybe a friend. However, the loss of a pet can be devastating.?

That is not to compare it like for like to other significant losses. I winced when a friend said she knew how I felt when Fred died because she’d just had her dog put down ... but on the other hand, I completely get it. You may not need a day off for the funeral, but pain is pain, and loss is loss, whoever it is that we loved.

There are losses that rearrange the world. - Megan Devine

It is not the blood relationship that affects how we grieve, but the part they play in our lives, both in our day-to-day routines and what they represent.

A dog plays such a huge part in our every day, that they leave a massive hole. The daily routine of walking, feeding and having their constant companionship can’t be underestimated. Long gone are the days when our dogs were just chattels to catch rats or retrieve game (well socks maybe) and we give them our hearts.?

Many people have dogs to help them through all manner of difficult losses, whether loneliness, illness, infertility, grief.

The job dogs still excel at is therapy. It’s a proven fact that owning a pet improves our mental health, whether that’s getting us out of the house for a long walk, or being pleased to see us when we get home.?

They give us more than many people in our lives.

When we lose a pet, our mental health can easily take a downward turn and we need people to look out for us and give a little extra care.

Loss Upon Loss

If you are bewildered why someone has taken the loss of their pet so badly, bear in mind that grief is cumulative. You don’t know what other people are already carrying.

Many years ago, I watched a documentary about the children of Dunblane. A man was interviewed whose only daughter Sophie was killed that day. Just a few years earlier his wife had died. A cat sat on his lap. It’s an image that has stayed with me and I remember turning to my friend and saying that I hoped everyone in the town was dedicated to protecting that cat. You can could see that it was only holding him together.

The loss of a pet can open the floodgates to all sort of things that they have been guarding.

Fred’s cats are now 12.? Although currently in fine fettle, I know that I will be devastated when they die, and it won’t just be because of the cats.

Pet policies

I am not for a moment suggesting that everyone should automatically get the day off when the guinea pig dies (no offence to guinea pigs), but it’s vital that organisations and managers look at each person and their situation, rather than a tickbox to decide who counts in our lives and who doesn’t.

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If you’d like to talk to me about my 60-minute Grief In The Workplace training, then you can book a call with me here. https://calendly.com/armadillosocial/grief-in-the-workplace

It’s Grief Awareness Week from 2nd to 8th December, which is the perfect time to have these conversations with your teams.