But That Doesn't Make Sense...

It's amazing how much time we spend trying to make sense of things that don't make sense.

I got divorced MMA style about 12 years ago (As anyone who's been down this road knows there is really no start date and end date...it's smolders at the beginning before the flames erupt and it lingers at the end)

I can't tell you how many people asked me, "what happened?"

What happened was a lot of different shit over time and then one day I decided enough was enough...and I filed

I would share details and stories with family and friends who love me and they would gape and say, "that doesn't make any sense"

"I know, it doesn't"

In my experience there is much in life that makes no sense

Why would anyone hurt another except in self defense?

Why would a man cheat on his wife?

Why do people stay in abusive relationships?

Why would any sentient human being even consider voting for Joe Biden?

Why are we not producing our own energy and instead buying it from our enemies

Why do people stay in jobs they hate?

Why do we identify people by the groups they "belong" to instead of their true character?

Why do we continue to take direction from people who lie to us?

Why do we not question things more?

Why do people create traffic jams just to try and get a glimpse of a gory accident?

Why do people wait until the checkout clerk is done bagging their groceries to look for their wallet?

Observationally, I suppose you could spend time trying to figure these things out, but to what end?

Full disclosure, I am a complete hypocrite about all these things

I think trying to figure things out that don't make sense is akin to trying to exercise control over things that you have no control over

There are many life skills that can have significant impact on your happiness, but one that I practice daily is acceptance

I had to accept one day that my marriage was over. Not an easy task to be taken lightly...but as soon as I did, I was able to take action and make the most difficult decision of my life

Acceptance of something that makes no sense is not an easy thing to do

But it's liberating

In our coaching , we spend a good deal of time at the beginning of a new client journey helping people recognize the reality of their circumstances

We often need a loving objective third party to help us see things we can't. An agent to represent us to the world. To remove emotion from our decisions

In my experience I've seen far too many people lose precious time and accelerate needless worry over things that made no sense whatsoever.

One of my dad's favorite phrases..."make a decision"

I remember the exact moment I decided that I was going to file for divorce. I can see it in my minds eye right now as I write this newsletter

Nothing about my circumstances made sense. We had everything. A beautiful family (except her:), a beautiful home, lots of money in the bank, our health, loving friends and family...you name it

But what I did know was that the circumstance were untenable.

My children were being harmed to hurt me, lies were being told, money was being stolen and my business was being compromised with letters and phone calls to clients, surprise visits to the office and a list of other things most people wouldn't believe

I was raised Catholic and on top of that I was used to controlling and fixing things

Divorce is a sin and I can fix anything

I remember saying to my brother one day, "I can't believe I let this go on for so long"

His response was loving. "You'll be able to live your life knowing you did everything in your power to resolve your differences before you left"

Nice

Another good one by him. Whenever I would share another crazy incident with him. "At least she's consistent"

He's a pretty funny guy

I've never faced a more difficult decision. I've never made a decision with so much to lose. I've never made a more difficult decision from a place of emotion and not objectivity. I've never been more scared of the unknown

Nonetheless, it's one of the best decisions I've ever made

Chances are pretty good that you are facing some difficult decisions right now

As my buddy Maury would say, "get in line"

If you are, then I would ask something of you

Ask yourself these questions.

Does it make any sense? Is it worth trying to continue to make sense of? Does making sense of it even matter?

Then, is it within your control? Realistically?

If it makes no sense and isn't within your control, it's time to decide

The other thing I've noticed in my life is the the more scared I was in these moments, the more likely it was that the hard decision was the right decision

What difficult decisions await you today?

Pull the trigger baby

And good luck

#personaldeveloment #professionaldevelopment #careeradvice #leadershipcoaching

My good friend Jim and I have a podcast we have fun with called?"The Imperfect Mens Club Podcast" . We talk about our life and business experiences and have a few laughs