Does Your Kid/ Student Look Stubborn or Lazy Always? Using Punishment or Abusive Words Might Be a Wrong Approach. Here Is a Solution.

I do remember when I was a kid, I witnessed several children who were very hyperactive 24/7. Both teachers at school, parents and siblings at home and their nearby neighbors regarded them as stubborn. Stubborn because they never settle. Another incidence happened while I was doing my minor rotations in medical school like several months ago this year. I met a number of kids who were brought to the hospital by their parents due to other medical complains like of Ear, Nose and Throat problems, dental problems etc. While being attended by specialists, I noticed some hyperactivity patterns exhibited by those kids, and every time their parents were complaining to the doctors about those kids being stubborn at home and at school despite the efforts of punishing them. I was happy that one among the parents I met (with a stubborn kid as others tend to call them) had already took his kid to the mental health clinic and her kid was diagnosed with Attention-deficit/ hyperactive disorder (ADHD) and the parent was already educated on the management plan.

With the experience of teaching and spending much time with kids at my local church, I have seen some children too whose parents complains about their behaviors. Those kids never settle even during the worship services. Some of them never give a response or give a delay response when someone is talking to them even their parents and they have been considered as being naughty. Bad enough, every time parents tend to condemn them and accusing them for being bad children. With time, I learnt somehow to harness their stubbornness and naughtiness positively by giving them some tasks to do (relevant to their interests), listen to their concerns and stories, sympathizing with their issues etc. I never knew even kids needs much time to share their issues too. ?The more I spend time with them, they use to tell me about their friends and teachers at school, and how someone treated them bad or good, people they love and hate and why etc.

It took me some time to appreciate that even children are affected by mental illnesses just as adults, but unfortunately their conditions go unnoticed because they can’t express themselves. It was one day when I was teaching kids a weekly health lesson as a routine somewhere. This day, I taught them about Mental Health. I started by allowing them to share what they know on the topic. Then after, I started sharing with them interactively what is the mind vs brain, what is mental health, why is it important, examples of common mental illnesses, how mental health affects physical health and spiritual health and vice versa, risk factors for mental illnesses and how to improve their mental health. I tried to deliver this lesson as simplified as I can within three sessions. During the lesson, I emphasized on the need to speak out and share with their parents, teachers or caregivers whenever something is disturbing their minds or they are not comfortable with. At the end of the sessions, I was personally followed by three kids who wanted to share with me somethings which have been disturbing them for some time. I listened to them and it was astonishing to find out they have been holding out those things just because they never found out someone to share with. Even their parents at home have been so busy to give them time even once a week. I was able to related how they are behaving and the fact that they had things in their hearts troubling them all this time.

The above experience is just a piece of an iceberg on what is going on in our communities when comes to children and their mental health. Most parents and teachers are not aware with mental illnesses presentation in their kids. They just know how to look after physical symptoms like fever, vomiting, headache etc. There is a need for them to be able to identify abnormal behavioral patterns in their children so that they can be able to seek healthcare as early as possible instead of keep on worsening it by unnecessary punishment and the use of abusive languages.

Mental illnesses in children can be due to several interacting factors. Unfortunately, most of mental condition when left untreated they can progress into a more severe form, change into another form of a condition or brings more mental health conditions. Both genetics (Mutations and family history), family conflicts, social neglect, trauma or trauma experience, poverty, alcoholism, smoking, chronic systemic diseases, Parent separating and divorces, being abused, being bullied, death of someone close and so on can play a role for a kid to develop a mental illness. Common mental health conditions diagnosed in children includes anxiety disorders, Attention-deficit/ hyperactive disorder (ADHD), Autism spectrum disorder (ASD), Conduct disorders, Eating Disorders, depression and other mood disorders, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and Schizophrenia.

Caregivers can think about mental health conditions by observing some abnormal behavioral changes displayed by a kid or after seeing that the prolonged interventional punishment does not give the desired effect, like you always punish the kid to stop being stubborn, but the kid never stop being stubborn (I personally don’t recommend this). The following symptoms might help parents, teachers and caregivers to start thinking about a mental health condition in their children: Changes in academic performance, avoiding or missing school, difficulty sleeping, drastic change in mood, behavior or personality, hurting oneself, loss of appetite and interest in things a child used to enjoy,?persistence sadness that last weeks,?withdraw from or avoiding social interaction, out of control behaviors that can be harmful, change in eating habits, loss of weight, excessive stubbornness,?frequent headaches and difficulty in concentrating, behavioral complains of a kid from neighbors or teachers etc.

All of the above symptoms can be well appreciated when caregivers have time to talk to their children friendly. When having a caring and friendly talk with children, it makes them feel freely to share how they feel. Adding this and the observational findings, you can be able to point out if there is a need to seek mental healthcare to your nearby healthcare facility. I believe a lot of caregivers are punishing kids and using abusive words unnecessarily, that’s a destructive approach. Kindly seek the help of a Psychologist or Psychiatrist today, they can be your best and sustainable solution towards your child’s problems. Sometimes, there might be nothing wrong with children, but there is something wrong with how you treat them. There is a need to make the public aware about children and mental health so that we can save a number of children who are keeping on suffering unnoticed. Keeping on labeling these kids as stubborn, lazy, mischievous, disobedient, naughty, troublemakers, dumb etc, is not fair at all. They need help, they need healthcare.