Does your communication style lift others UP ? or down ??

Are you a BIG Communicator or a little Communicator?

The quality of a workplace culture its performance boils down to a few crucial factors. Relationships is a major one.

There are many different types of relationships in the workplace, but the most important relationships are those between team members and those between managers and team members.

The better the quality of these relationships, the more team members feel at home and safe to communicate in an open and transparent way. For example, happy team members are not afraid to ask questions, raise concerns and propose new ideas.

On the other hand, unhappy team members would hesitate to ask questions, because of their concerns of how they might be perceived and the impact that could have on their role and subsequent career. For similar reasons, they would not raise concerns or propose new ideas, feeling that they might be shot down instead.

Quality relationships contribute to positive atmosphere.

What contributes to quality relationships? Well, just take a moment to think about what is the difference between a stranger and an acquaintance, or an acquaintance and a friend, a friend and a best friend?

The major difference is that the more we know about each other, the more we like about each other, and the more we trust each other, then the quality and proximity of the relationships improves.

What impacts this?

Conversations.

There are different ways of having a conversation, and often, people don’t realise that their natural style of communicating is negatively impacting their relationships.

Where are you - is your communication style lifting others UP or down?

The Big / Little Me Framework

EXAMPLE 1

Suppose you are having a conversation with your boss.

You are excited about the project you are working on. But then your boss is jumping in, criticising your approach, telling you what to do instead.

This is LITTLE ME – BIG YOU. As a result, you are likely feeling frustrated, small, overpowered, and essentially not safe and respected in the conversation.

Imagine the impact of how you regard your boss and even your work in general.

EXAMPLE 2

Suppose you are having a conversation with a fellow team member. He was sharing his work, but now you are boasting what he should do, giving advice and judging the situation.

This is BIG ME – LITTLE YOU. You likely feel good about yourself, bad about the other person. The other person will feel bad about you and himself.

EXAMPLE 3

Suppose you are having a conversation with a fellow colleague about sharing some new ideas to the company. Both of you are unsure and uncertain whether it will work out, whether it is actually a good idea and decide to not share them out of fear of being perceived negatively.

This is LITTLE ME – LITTLE YOU. Fear, uncertainty, concern about the future and lack of faith in both your own power to overcome challenges dictates your emotions and behaviour.

Imagine the impact of this type of relationship. Border line toxic and certainly disempowering.

EXAMPLE 4

Now suppose you are having a conversation with your team member. She is sharing new ideas for the team. You react that you love the ideas and that you have been thinking of similar ideas. Together, you have a positive brainstorm together and agree on specific action steps forward that both of you can lead.

This is BIG ME – BIG YOU. Your conversation and relationship are radiating with positivity, confidence, faith and trust.

Imagine the impact of this type of relationship. Empowering, growth, improvement. This type of relationship can last time.

So What?

The quality of our conversations impacts the quality of our relationships. At a workplace level, workplace relationships directly impact the workplace culture and its performance.

The first step is to know HOW you are communicating with the people around you. Are you coming from Big Me / Little Me? Is your conversation empowering and stimulating growth of your relationship and culture or is it the opposite?

Knowing where you are is crucial. Then you can do something about it. 

So where are you really - is your communication style lifting others UP or down?

And what can you do differently today so you are lifting others up, and in turn creating more trust and growth?