Does Work-Life Balance Have an Easy Button?

Heather Putman

Associate Partner, IBM Consulting, Federal Finance and Supply Chain Transformation - SAP

September 1, 2024

I had the opportunity to speak at IBM’s Federal Enterprise Strategy Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion (DE&I) Talk Series a few months ago.? At that session during the Q&A, someone asked me, “how do you find work-life balance?”? They were clearly looking for an answer they could adapt or apply.

Over the 30 years of my professional life when someone asked, “how do you find work-life balance?” I heard it all, “you can have it all.” “You can have it all, but not all at the same time.” Even Simon Sinek, author of “Start with Why” and “Find your Why” stated, “Working hard for something we don't care about is called stress: Working hard for something we love is called passion.”? But what happens when working hard for something you love pulls you away from someone you love?? I believed then, and I believe now, that it is NOT that easy.? The tension between the “thing” (hobby, work, church group) and the people you love is stressful… and hence we revisit the age-old dilemma of finding work-life balance. ?

So, on this afternoon zoom, in front of a hundred or so fellow IBMers in the federal market, I was not going to paint the rosy picture I had seen so many times before. It isn’t that easy. I responded, “I don’t know how to find a work-life balance….I am still trying to figure it out.? ” It’s a question posed most often in my experience to women executives, but I believe the struggle applies to more than just women who have shattered the glass ceiling. This struggle is applicable to a much larger segment of our population.

And it’s not always a work-life balance. Sometimes it’s a life-life balance. The dad who is closing a deal while trying to coach his daughter’s travel soccer team. The sandwich generation with a parent in hospice while raising two kids in high school. And yes, it applies to working parents who LOVE their jobs and their family...who find there just aren’t enough hours in the day to dedicate a balanced amount of energy to both.?

I am incredibly blessed to have had missions during my time in the Army that I poured my heart and soul into… and now as a proud IBMer I have clients who I am passionate about standing side by side, rolling up my sleeves, and working to reduce their pain points. So, the tension between my career and those I love leaves me feeling like I am not showing up enough at work and I am also not doing enough for my family. ?I have not yet cracked the code.

But what I have tried to do is set boundaries. Write them down and post them as a visual reminder of my commitment to both the thing and the people. Am I better???…. Well…., the jury is still out. I have also started setting timers, shutting down, and transitioning from work to family. Setting those rules is ok…it has to be…because my kids won’t be kids much longer. I only have so much time.

So, for those struggling with work-life balance, it isn’t easy. Your struggle and your situation is yours and you have to set the boundaries that work for you and your family. It will ebb and flow from project to project, week to week, and even within the same day. Your boundaries may need to be visited weekly or even daily and that is perfectly acceptable. In some circumstances, the pendulum may swing away from work for a long period of time because you need to be there to hold a parent’s hand one last time. Or you are a single parent with a child recovering from cancer. Or your oldest is touring colleges. ?In all circumstances, you must give yourself grace and know that the time you spend on defining your balance won’t eliminate the tension in the balance… ?but it should reduce your stress.

I need to add another ingredient that lessons the pull between my work and life. After saying that I didn’t have the answer, I did remark that I am privileged to have an amazing husband who is also a phenomenal father. My family reminds me gently when my balance is off and my kids give me grace when I am late to pick them up by saying, “it’s ok, mom… I know your work is important and I didn’t have to wait that long.” They understand my struggle and see me work to improve my “work-life” balance. In addition to providing myself visual reminders of my boundaries, I also need to give myself the same grace my family offers me, remembering that my kids are learning valuable lessons from us….Lessons about the importance balancing passion for something bigger than themselves with energies required for other demands, such as achieving personal and professional goals, requires grace and a healthy amount of boundary-setting. There is no easy button, and that is ok.