Does Santa Make Us Selfish?

During the holidays, families across the world are busy decorating their homes, preparing festive meals, and, of course, buying gifts. However, this time of year often raises an important question: how do we teach our children the true spirit of the season? Years ago, we did some research that sheds light on how the language we use can profoundly influence whether our children become more self-centered or empathetic during this time of giving.

Santa’s Choice: A Study of Giving vs. Getting

In a fascinating study by Joseph Grenny and David Maxfield, a simple encounter with Santa demonstrated the impact of framing on children's behavior. In the experimental scenario, Santa asked pairs of children what they hoped to "get" for Christmas. Afterwards, they were each asked to choose between a small chocolate bear and a large one. Unsurprisingly, a significant 67% of kids chose the larger chocolate treat for themselves — unphased by the fact that the other child would then be given the much smaller piece.

However, in a different scenario, Santa rephrased his question, asking about the gifts the children wanted to "give" instead. This small shift in language led to a noticeable difference in behavior — children became more generous and mindful of others. Several children even offered the larger chocolate bear to the other, and seemed content with getting the smaller piece. It was also interesting to note that many kids initially struggled with the concept, indicating just how ingrained the idea of “getting” is during the holidays.?

Maxfield noted, “We were surprised at how little it took to help kids access their ‘nice’ rather than ‘naughty’ natures. Simply helping kids connect Christmas with giving tapped their natural concern for others.”

Shaping Generosity: How Parents Can Make a Difference

In the same study, we found that 64% of parents believed that Santa traditions could instill greed, and 73% acknowledged that they talk more about what their children want to receive than what they should give. Even so, it seems clear that many parents are looking for ways to shift this narrative. Here are some effective strategies for framing Christmas as a time to “give”, instead of a time to “get”:

1. Take Kids Shopping for Gifts: Allow children to pick out presents for their family and friends, encouraging them to think about others' preferences.

2. Incorporate Personal Contributions: Expect kids to use some of their own money to buy gifts. This teaches them the value of generosity and financial responsibility.

3. Engage in Charitable Acts: Involve your children in charitable work, such as volunteering or participating in community service projects. It helps them understand the importance of giving back.

4. Create a Dual List: Help kids write a “gift” list alongside a “wish” list, detailing what they want to make or do for loved ones. This encourages creativity and thoughtfulness.

5. Participate in Giving Campaigns: Organize collective efforts, like collecting presents for a "Sub for Santa" program. This helps instill community values and foster a sense of togetherness.

6. Donate Valued Possessions: Teach your children the significance of sharing by encouraging them to donate toys or items they love to those less fortunate.

Conclusion

As parents and caregivers, we hold the power to shape our children's understanding of the holiday season. By making subtle changes in our conversations and focusing on the values of giving, we can help foster a culture of generosity. This holiday season, let’s strive not only to create joyful moments but also to instill lasting values of empathy and kindness in the hearts of our children.

Wishing you all a joyful and generous holiday season!

Crucial Insights Vol. 12

Written & Edited by Jenna Weber and Brittney Maxfield