Does Santa exist?

Mark Stockley , cohost of the AI Fix Podcast, on Christmas Eve posted a podcast in which he proved, according to #ChatGPT and using physics, Santa cannot exist. I listened carefully to his evidence and found several errors and biases that skewed his numbers.

First, Santa Claus is a benevolent creature (I say creature because he apparently does not age and has psychic abilities far beyond any human). As such, he would never enter a dwelling uninvited. That being established, keep in mind that the majority of the world does not celebrate Christmas. Only two of the seven billion people in the world are celebrants, removing 5 billion households from the mix and substantially reducing the mass of presents he must carry.

Next, less than 25 percent of that population are 15 years or younger, bringing the potential group of recipients down to 500 million. I submit that can be further reduced to 250 million by lowering the recipient age to under 10.

Because of the limitations of the Nice and Naughty list (and judging from the attitudes of children I see in shopping malls this time of year) I submit that there are less than 100 million children worldwide that are deserving of something more than a lump of coal.

So we have gone from 7 billion deliveries to less than 100 million.

Then you have cultural anomalies. The Orthodox Church does not celebrate Christmas until January 7. There are 250 million adherents to this faith and because they tend to have larger families, I suggest that there are about 70 million children in those households. Culling by nice v naughty, I will generously put that at a cool 50 million. Now we have Santa delivering in batches of 50 million over two separate nights.

Then you have the British practice of Boxing Day, so you can add a third delivery date of, say, 10 million.

So now we have three separate worldwide deliveries of 50 million or less.

Since Amazon alone is projected to deliver that many packages daily during the week before Christmas, I submit that demonstrates a significant reduction in mass and speed necessary to complete the three rounds.

But I’m not quite done.

From the reports I have read and seen over the past 50 years, it seems clear to me that Santa’s sack is one end of a custom singularity with the other at the shipping department at the North Pole. As he arrives at each home, he reaches into the sack where the appointed gifts are to be delivered, thereby reducing mass even more. Someone with that level of technology can clearly create an antigravity technology allowing the sleigh to merely hover over each home; a matter transporter that allows him access to homes without chimneys; and a time warp capability (as demonstrated in the 2014 Dr. Who Christmas special “The Last Christmas”.

Altogether, I believe this provides statistics-based theory proving the potential existence of Santa.

Happy holidays.