Does Real Love Still Exist? Do Humans Still Really Love or It is Now all Fake!

Love is an integral part of human existence and probably the most sought after thing in life. Many scholars and practitioners in human life and psychology argue that love plays a central role in all mammals, meaning it’s a phenomena that is crucial to the survival and wellbeing human and animal species. When it comes to humans, love is so powerful that it is probably the biggest and most powerful source of the best of human happiness and wellbeing and also the worst of human suffering especially emotional and cognitive suffering. Lack of love especially among humans in their early years is a major source of serious life issues in adult life, scholars argue. And I agree with them on that one. ?Love is both sweetest and the most dangerous in romantic relationships. Many humans have and continue to incur heavy emotional and health losses to love-related relationship accidents and disasters. Is it not so ridiculous that thinking and emotions in general and love and relationships in particular, are not part of the formal education right from kindergarten? Is it not ridiculous that the most important aspects of human life are ignored in our formal education while people are passed through years and years of education and training designed more to serve industry and commerce, turning humans into productive machines for industry and commerce? Have you also noticed that formal education, especially university education has been hijacked by the industry and commercial systems? The most important objective of university education, which is exploring learning, enquiry and understanding has been almost turned into a global network of factories to produce intellectual workers for the world instead of real philosophers, academics, thinkers, inventors, innovators, researchers and scholars ?This is a complete violation of the original purpose as envisaged by the likes of Socrates, Plato and Aristotle. Sorry for this diversion but it is one of the things that really bother me.

In your personal life, you have your own personal understanding and experiences of love. If the truth be told, you have fallen in love more than once. This is the truth we try to hide from each other especially when we get married or we get seriously involved in a romantic relationship with someone.? I am not saying hiding of past relationships is bad or good. It has its own positives and negatives. But past relationships are always grey areas. The advantages of keeping them out of a current and active relationship seems to outweigh the disadvantages because one thing for sure; no one wants to be compared with another person in those kind of relationships. If you keep on talking about your past relationships in a positive way with your current partner, it can create a emotional complication where the current partner may start feeling like a second-rate replacement instead of a more advanced take over.? It can hurt feelings and it is very natural that no human being wants to be seen or to feel like worse than his or her partners past partner. I do not know about you!

And maybe let me say according to psyschologists there are two main kinds of love;

1.?????? Selfish, conditional love and

2.?????? Selfless, unconditional love

Selfish, conditional love is a me, me and me type where a relationship is all about yourself and never about the other person. In other words, you get into relationships only to fulfil your needs without caring at all about the other person. Whatever you do for the other person, you do it for a selfish reason and never for the benefit or for the good of the other person. It is a manipulative relationship where everything in the relationship is to meet your needs. ?All the focus in the relationship is on you and your needs. This means that you just really don’t care about the relationship and you are prepared to quit as soon as you no longer get what you want from the relationship or from the other person. It also means that you are always on the hunt for a ‘better person” a person who is better able to give you what you want. In the worst case, you can have two or more simulataneously relationship because it is not always possible to get “everything that you want” from one person. So you may have one partner to give you the attention that you crave for; another one to fulfil your material needs and yet another to give you the social status that you want. You may also never be satisfied with any relationship and even when you getting married to a woman or man that loves you with all his or her heart , you may still seek others to “compliment” what your partner lacks. ?You can also view your partner as an object not as a human being who also has feelings and needs of her own or of his own. ?When your partner meets hard times you disappear from the scene either just emotionally and psychological or even physically. For example, no money no love.

So also, you seek out advice from your other friends on how to treat your partner and you report him or her to those friends who then “coach you how to deal with her or him” In other words, your relationship is run by your friends and not by you and your partner has no direct power of you because you are controlled by your other friends who are wiser than you and your partner.

Your language is full of “me, me and mes” and almost very little we we and we. When you use you to your partner it is always in the negative and attacking mode and little to do with anything good.

You expect your partner to do for you what you never do for the partner! You are the only human being in the relation and your partner is an object without any needs especially emotional needs.

You also put selfish, unreasonable conditions for the other partner. Being honest, this kind of love is strongly associated with narcissism.

Selfish, unconditional love involves an different mindset in which your main focus in the relationship is the other partner. You love the partner not for any material or social reasons but you want to do the best for the person and be there whenever she needs or he needs companionship, care and help. You love the other person because you want to look after the person without any material or social expectation. You are there for your partner through thick and thin, providing all forms of support that you can. People can even laugh at you for “tolerating nonsense” for being in a relationship with a “dam useless” woman or man but you just don’t give a dam.

You also defend your partner and your relationship against external attacks because you tell yourself you made you choice and your relationship is between you and your partner and other people must mind their own relationships.

That person is your closest friend and confidant and when you get into some disagreements you are prepared to sit down with him or her and sort things out because you are also concerned about his or her wellbeing. This relationship is for both of you and not only for yours alone where the other person must either “comply or ship out.”

You also do all you can in what you say and do not to hurt your partner.

You exist in the relationship to give more than you exist to get.

My big questions are”

1.?????? D you specialise in the selfish, conditional type of love in your relationships or

2.?????? Are you the selfless, unconditional person when it comes to relationships.

3.?????? What relationship are you involved in? One of mutual care or one in which you or the other partner is selfish, conditional?

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?Simon Bere, 2024