Does office gossip drive your organisation culture?

Do you have a voice in your head? It’s the voice saying, “What on earth is she on about?” It’s what the psychologists call your ‘internal dialogue’, and it’s been with human beings ever since we had language to express ourselves. Tune in, and you’ll realise that it’s there all the time.

The prevailing mindset

Most people think that the running commentary that goes on in their head is The Truth – the sum total of all those thoughts, opinions, fears, joys and emotional reactions that in some way makes them, them. You hear people say things like:

• “I can’t help how I am.”
• “I just say it as I see it.”
• “What can you do? He’s just like that.”
• “You can’t change who you are.”

…all of which doesn’t give very much scope to change, grow, or improve your own or anyone else’s behaviour.

The repeated messages from your voice give rise to your beliefs about yourself, others, and the world in general. And, because we don’t as a rule have a discipline of challenging ourselves, these beliefs can stay with you.

Why do my thoughts seem so ‘true’?

Your beliefs stay with you for three primary reasons:

1. You label them. (“I’m no good at business finance...” “Never trust people who...”) Labelling beliefs helps you rationalise them and make them okay.
2. You seek evidence to support your beliefs and ignore evidence to the contrary. (“I made a mess of the budget presentation”. “I knew he’d let me down – should have trusted my gut”.)
3. You sugar-coat them to make them more palatable, and an ego advantage. “I’m not good at finance…” becomes “I’m just the creative type”. “I don’t trust…” becomes “I have a really good instinct for people” – so you trust people or write them off without further investigation.

A salutary lesson

As a young college lecturer, one student struck me as unusually slow on the uptake. I asked the class to do something and she did something different. I’d tell them to read a certain page and she’d read the wrong page. Or I’d tell the whole class to go to a different room for their next lesson, and Wendy would turn up at the usual room.

I’m not at all proud of it, but as a busy teacher, what conclusion do you think my ‘voice’ came to? Yes, I (it) concluded that Wendy was a bit dim.

But the really insidious thing is that I shared the episodes with my colleagues. Before long we had a mutual story going that Wendy was the class dunce, and probably wouldn’t make the grade.

One day, one of my colleagues came running in: “guess what,” she said. “I just went up behind Wendy to ask her something, and she didn’t respond at all. I finally attracted her attention, and suddenly realised: she’s deaf. All this time she’s been leaving off her hearing aid and trying to lip-read.”

Appalled, we rewound, and realised that every incident was explained by the fact that Wendy, trying not to draw attention to herself, had not been able to see our faces as we spoke carelessly. She wasn’t unintelligent at all – and as we started over again, she quickly became a confident and successful student, graduating two years later with distinction.?

The really shocking thing was the reason Wendy hadn’t worn her hearing aids in the first place: she knew the assumptions that people would make about her when they realised she was deaf. With the opportunity to make a fresh start at college and meet a new set of friends, she had decided to try to manage without her aids from the start.?

How individual beliefs become organisation culture

This is one of the mechanisms you as a leader need to learn to manage and control – especially the temptation to agree and buy in yourself. Notice how quickly the story about Wendy turned into the truth about Wendy among the staff. If the boss buys in, the game is over.

Office gossip gains currency and turns into ‘the truth’ about ‘how it works around here’ – and without being carefully managed, can quickly be shared with every new employee under the guise of ‘induction’ training.

Working with groups, I only have to ask “what do you really think about (‘them’, Head Office, your clients…)”, and, in a safe space, out it all comes: myths, beliefs, decisions people made about somebody years ago… People are shocked by the stories they have created, and even more so by how the stories have affected their behaviour, sometimes over years.

Create a can-do culture

The organisation that can overcome self-limiting beliefs in the minds of its workforce - including its leaders – will be an organisation that wins. Start by looking in depth at the fundamental beliefs and values of the organisation’s leaders.?

You need to create a culture in which the ‘can do – will do’ mentality thrives and becomes the norm. In this culture success and achievement are expected and much more likely to happen – and you can only create this culture if you have tackled and conquered your own personal self-limiting beliefs.?

Start to apply this mindset to your leadership

• You need a clear understanding of how this process operates before you have sufficient compassion to work on someone else. Other people’s blocks often sound ridiculous to us. Work on yourself first.
• When coaching others, the key is often to explore their limiting beliefs, and you can only do this if you have the humility to comprehend your own.
• We too quickly assume the need is for more training. If you give someone training on top of a limiting belief, you’ll just waste the time and money you spend.
• NEVER join in office gossip or share negative stories about your colleagues, whatever the temptation.