Does My Authenticity Offend You?

Over the years, I have come up against this question many times. In both my work and personal life, I have often felt that people like the idea of me more than the reality.

Sounds harsh, doesn’t it? So what do I mean?

I have always believed that I am enough, but for much of my life, that belief was shaped by external validation - grades, job titles, income, and achievements. I worked hard, met expectations, and yet, despite all this, I often felt unfulfilled. Something was missing. I began to realise that even though I was doing everything “right,” I still wasn’t achieving what I thought I should in the workplace. The harder I tried, the more resistance I seemed to face, particularly from those in leadership positions.

I started noticing a pattern: while I was well-liked and respected among my peers, senior leaders often seemed uncomfortable with me. At times, I felt they were actively blocking my progress. But why?

I decided to dig deep and truly interrogate myself. What was I bringing to the workplace that was so different? What was it about my approach that seemed to challenge the status quo? In my journey to better understand myself, I came across the work of Brené Brown and her research on wholeheartedness - and everything started to make sense.

What Does It Mean to Be Wholehearted?

Brené Brown describes wholeheartedness as living with courage, authenticity, and vulnerability. Wholehearted people embrace who they are rather than trying to be who others expect them to be. They cultivate deep connections, set boundaries, and have a strong sense of worthiness - knowing they are enough, regardless of external validation.

In the workplace, wholehearted individuals show up with integrity. They engage fully, speak openly, and challenge systems that don’t align with their values. They don’t play the game of office politics, and they don’t pretend to be something they’re not just to fit in. And this is where the discomfort begins.

Why Does Wholeheartedness Make Some People Uncomfortable at Work?

I found that the workplace operates on unwritten rules - hierarchies, power dynamics, and unspoken expectations of conformity. Wholehearted people challenge and disrupt these norms simply by being themselves. When you bring authenticity into environments that thrive on control and predictability, it can be unsettling for those who rely on these structures to maintain their authority.

Vulnerability, a key aspect of wholeheartedness, is often mistaken for weakness in professional settings. This is something that I have encountered again and again. Leaders who have built their success on avoiding vulnerability may find it difficult to engage with someone who openly acknowledges their struggles, admits mistakes, or prioritises personal growth over rigid performance metrics. Wholehearted individuals value connection over competition, and that alone can be threatening.

Brené Brown’s 10 Guideposts for Wholehearted Living

Brené Brown outlines ten guideposts that define wholehearted living. Each of these principles challenges traditional workplace culture in its own way -

? Cultivating Authenticity - letting go of what people think.

? Cultivating Self-Compassion - letting go of perfectionism.

? Cultivating a Resilient Spirit - letting go of numbing and powerlessness.

? Cultivating Gratitude and Joy - letting go of scarcity and fear of the dark.

? Cultivating Intuition and Trusting Faith - letting go of the need for certainty.

? Cultivating Creativity - letting go of comparison.

? Cultivating Play and Rest - letting go of exhaustion as a status symbol and productivity as self-worth.

? Cultivating Calm and Stillness - letting go of anxiety as a lifestyle.

? Cultivating Meaningful Work - letting go of self-doubt and ‘supposed to.’

? Cultivating Laughter, Song, and Dance - letting go of being cool and ‘always in control.’

Each of these guideposts challenges the rigid structures that many workplaces reinforce. A culture that prioritises perfectionism, control, and busyness will struggle to accept individuals who embrace vulnerability, creativity, and joy. I found that many places pay lip service to this as ‘what they should say’ but don’t have the heart to actually follow through.

The Challenge of Being Wholehearted at Work

For those of you who, like me, live and work wholeheartedly, the challenge is clear: Do we dim our light to fit in, or do we stay true to ourselves even when it makes others uncomfortable?

The latter is not always easy. It can mean being overlooked for promotions, misunderstood by colleagues, or even seen as a disruptor. But in the end, I’ve found staying true to myself is the only path to feeling fulfilled.

Yes, that job title makes you look great on paper - but what have you compromised to get there?

So, does my authenticity offend you? If it does, maybe it’s worth asking - why? Because the more we allow space for authenticity in the workplace, the more we create environments where everyone can thrive.

?? Let’s continue the conversation! Have you ever felt your authenticity made others uncomfortable at work? How do you navigate it? Drop your thoughts in the comments or send me a message - I’d love to connect with like-minded people! ??

#AuthenticityAtWork #WholeheartedLeadership #CareerGrowth #WorkplaceCulture #BrenéBrown