34. Does having multiple choices make us happy?

Every man builds his world in his own image. He has the power to choose, but no power to escape the necessity of choice. —Ayn Rand, Atlas Shrugged

It was Independence Day weekend, and my nephew and I decided to make a movie called Positive NewsAfter many hours of labour, we uploaded it on YouTube. It was about what freedom meant.

Watch:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8WK7gwg0VnM

Later, on Saturday night, I looked it up as I started typing this column and I realised something was missing. The work of Barry Schwartz came to mind. He talks about freedom and choice.

To many it means the freedom to choose, the underlying assumption being that more freedom of choice means more happiness. If we have lots of choices, we can get exactly what we need and that will make us happier. 

Every single moment of our lives we are making choices. To wake up or hit the snooze button for five more minutes of sleep? To exercise or check our e-mail? To make breakfast or just rush out the door? What to have for breakfast is a more agonising choice. What to wear for work? Which route to take to work? To ignore the traffic signal or to drive safe? To get married or stay single? In the evening, should you go out clubbing or go to a coffee shop, exercise or curl up with a book, clean up your cupboard, sleep early or watch some more TV, have a scoop of ice cream or give in to the cravings to satiate the Cookie Monster or decide what time to wake up? 

Frankly, we are overwhelmed with choice. Not only do we have to make a choice, we want each and every single one of our choices to be perfect. 

If we want to buy a cellphone it has to be the best. When we are evaluating cars, we want it to be 100% perfect. If we are buying even a set of earphones for our phone, we want it to be excellent. It should look good, be worthy of a tweet, cheaper than what your friend paid for it, have a huge memory and capable of acts unknown to mankind. 

If we are planning a holiday, it has to be the most beautiful location with the best and cheapest flights and the best seats on the flight. The hotel should have a string of stars, be the cheapest, with a great location, a huge breakfast spread, with the most polite staff you have ever seen. Anything less has the potential to ruin the day, if not the entire holiday. 

When it comes to a life partner or getting hitched, the stakes in our head are even higher. 

Whether it is to wake up, celebrate our birthday, find or abandon a partner, we are inundated with choices. So does having a choice and evaluating each one of them rationally with a defined criteria makes us happy? 

I see it all perfectly; there are two possible situations—one can either do this or that. My honest opinion and my friendly advice is this: do it or do not do it—you will regret both. —Soren Kierkegaard

For many years, Barry Schwarz has researched the paradox of choice. 

You have people, who are maximisers. Their principle is the best possible option. Some like to call themselves “in pursuit of perfection”. When they make a selection, they want everything to be absolutely perfect. They will do huge amounts of research, compare every option, go through websites, call as many friends, peruse every single option. Once they have decided what they want, then they will evaluate where to buy it from. Should they buy it online? Should they wait for a sale? Should they drive to the nearest store or a store famous for its discounts? Schwarz calls them MAXIMISERS. They want to maximise every decision that they make. They mean well for themselves and their families when they sacrifice so much of their personal time, energy and resources. Unfortunately, regardless of the choice they make, they will eventually face regret and be unhappy about the choices they make. Even though their research got them a great product at a great price, they will be unhappy because someone somewhere would have gotten a better deal. 

Then you have the SATISFIERS. Their operative principle is, “good enough”. They have a minimum list of “must-haves” and a baseline, above which their purchase must live up to. Once they find it, they are satisfied with it. They are the people who will visit one or two websites or visit one or two stores and the moment they find what they are looking for at the price point they are happy with it, their job is done. Their mind is now focused on using the product and moving on to the next thing. 

So what are the outcomes of too many choices and being a maximiser or satisfier?

If the Maximiser went to a movie theater and the seats for their favoured movie were sold out, they would moan about it. If they decided to watch another movie, then their mind would constantly be on the missed opportunity of watching the other movie, regardless of the fact that the movie they finally saw was just as good and served the purpose.

Whereas, if the Satisfier went for a movie with friends, they would be disappointed at not being able to see their preferred movie but would quickly either decide to see another movie, or even better, go pamper themselves in a spa and that would be enough to serve the purpose of bonding with their friends. 

Have no fear of perfection— you'll never reach it. —Salvador Dali

So what happens where there are too many choices? Three months ago, I called a financial planner home. She presented us with 25 mutual funds each with three options and different rates of returns over a three month, three year and ten year time-frame, with different risk profiles, returns and tax efficiencies. 

We resolved that we will evaluate them and tell her where we want to invest our money. Our intentions were noble. The result? Paralysis.

Three months later our money is still in a tax-inefficient fixed deposit. Our aim was to evaluate other mutual funds and make sure we were making the right decision. But, in all honesty, the choices paralysed us into inaction. Management experts call this analysis paralysis. 

We think this decision will be a life changing decision and that we should take this decision with a lot of caution. As a result, we do not take any decision. 

Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves— regret for the past and fear of the future. —Fulton Oursler

Why are we paralysed? The answer is very interesting. The first reason, Barry Schwartz discovered is capability or usability. 

When I go check out the men’s sections at a store and see a jacket, it becomes a must-have. I want the jacket to be formal, make me look sophisticated. Then , if I happen to glance at a pair of cufflinks, they become an absolute must-have too. I imagine myself wearing the jacket for every important meeting. I imagine that this pair of cufflinks, which will be the tenth pair that I own, will be my absolutely favourite cufflinks. 

If I am buying a phone, I want it to perform every task that my future holds for me, which is being CEO of a Fortune 500 company, the Prime Minister of a country or Steven Spielberg producing online movies, all in one day and through one machine. 

Here the question 'what if?' comes in. What if I want to edit a movie on my phone? What if I want to write a manuscript for a novel on my phone? What if I want to play the guitar and watch TV on my phone, all at the same time. 

I am evaluating these things on their capability and not usability. 

In reality, the cufflinks remain in their original packing and the jacket comes out only once in six months. The only application I use on my phone is to make a phone call and forward jokes to friends and cousins on WhatsApp. We buy cufflinks that we think we will wear every single day. Now we regret spending so much money and time on a product we never will use. 

Usually, people have a tendency to be caught in the worries concerning the future or in the regret concerning the past. There is some kind of energy that is pushing them to run, and they are not able to establish themselves in the present moment. —?Nhat Hanh

The second reason is what Barry Schwartz calls "opportunity cost” or simply “missing out”. 

We buy an expensive phone, and we dread that someone would have got the same phone cheaper. We begin to compare. Once we begin to compare, if we find someone who has got a better deal, we start feeling bad and doubting our capabilities of being good at what we do. The next time we buy a phone or book a holiday, we do not want to appear less smart. We will now spend even more time than before. 

The third reason is, escalation of expectations You expect perfection. 

When I bought a laptop bag, I thought it would make me appear professional. I thought I would be carrying the bag with me every single day. I thought it would become my most favourite bag. My expectations from the bag were very high. It was just a bag, but after all the time I expended on the purchase, I expect it to transform my personality. I predict it will be the best purchase that I have ever made. However, the predictions do not last a day. Yes, the bag is sleek, but my earlier bag had wheels. So the weight of my computer and books did not matter. Yes, the bag has many, many pockets, but now I was confused about which pocket held my pen, which one had my phone and which one had my visiting cards. I thought many pockets meant being more organised. 

Eventhough the bag is very nice, and looks much better, with every extra ounce of energy I spent, my expectations from the bag increased at a much faster pace. My energy was fuelling my expectations. 

It happens everyday. If we go through ten stages of a job interview, we expect that the company we are about to join to be a fantastic place to work at because they took so much care in hiring us. If you courted your girlfriend for many months before going on one date, you expect it to be the hottest date ever. 

When it does not turn out the way we expect it to, self-doubt begins to creep in. Are we good at these crucial decisions? Are we good enough? 

Even when we are better off than before. We are saddened by our choices. 

The decisions you make are a choice of values that reflect your life in every way. —Alice Waters

So what is the solution?

The problem started with choice and comparison. Therefore, the solution is right there. Decide what is important for you. Is sleeping that extra ten minutes more important than reaching work on time? Is spending the extra hour at work more important than going home to a loving partner?

Make the choice with your own freedom. Once you make the choice, live it to the fullest and live it in the present. 

The second is comparison. If someone can find a better deal, be overjoyed that you have found an expert. Next time you want to buy a phone, go straight to that person. Maybe it was her effort or maybe just luck, but borrow her luck or expertise. If someone at work is great at finding holiday deals, ask for her help.

You need not be an expert in every single that you do. Decide what you will be good at. People come to me when they need help with positivity. I go to people when I need help with filing service tax returns. People come to me for training and deciphering employee engagement surveys. I go to experts when it comes to making a movie. 

There is happiness in seeking help from an expert. It reflects that you appreciate someone’s expertise. It is a measure of your resolve to grow and make better deals.

Perfect the art of learning. There is no greater joy, than the freedom to become better. 

Artists who seek perfection in everything are those who cannot attain it in anything. —?Gustave Flaubert

The author is the Founder of The Positivity Company. This is part of a series called 'Positive Mondays' which describes how positivity has a multiplicative effect, simultaneously impacting all work and life outcomes.Birender can be reached on [email protected].