Does Every Conflict Have to Be Resolved?
In general, across all mediation subject manner and styles, about 70% of conflicts result in an agreement.
It’s a mistake, however, to assume the remaining 30% were failures. The parties had the opportunity to express their positions without interruption, hear each other’s position, and consider possible outcomes. The parties also had the opportunity to reconsider their relationship and how they communicate with one another. Many parties that didn’t reach an agreement reconvene later to re-negotiate in another mediation.
Some parties are able to to consider a more powerful alternative, which is to simply “let go.” Letting go does not mean saying you’re going to move on, but allows the conflict to influence your interactions with others. Genuine letting go requires self-awareness and a commitment to yourself to act in your best interest.
Consider Nelson Mandela, who during the 1950s was the youth leader of the African National Congress in segregated South Africa. Charged with sabotage, Mandela was arrested and sentenced to life imprisonment. After 27 years in prison, Mandela was released.
He could have harbored feelings of resentment and hatred of the white population and planned revenge and retaliation. Instead, he befriended his White Afrikaner prison guards and went to church with them. He forgave the White South African government for imprisoning him. In his autobiography, “Long Walk to Freedom,” Mandela wrote that he realized if he hated them after he was freed, then they would still have him. He wanted to be free, so he let it go. In an astonishing moment, that decision changed his life.
Sometimes just letting go of conflict gives you freedom and peace of mind.