Does Constructive Criticism Help?
Kevin Marcus Miller
Disruptive Cybersecurity Thought Leadership at Seclore | Award-Winning Copywriter | Dog Dad
I’ve been reading this book called How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie. And I want to share some of the insights I’ve gained so far.
While reading the book, I’ve noticed that in the past 20 years, there’s been a common theme in my interactions. I’ve noticed that criticism destroys relationships, even if it’s constructive. According to the book, ninety-nine times out of a hundred, people don’t criticize themselves for anything. When I sat with that statement, I realized it was true. We aren’t really criticizing ourselves when we say things like, “We’ve been growing!” or “We’ve been learning and getting better!”
So, the fact that we are quick to criticize other people—even if it’s warranted—is not just human nature. It is also the very reason why we struggle with building the type of deep relationships that we want.
We have to find a way to live deeper, right? When I sat with that, I realized that I am extremely judgmental and I criticize a lot. And that is probably the only reason why I am not where I think—and believe in my heart—I should be in my life. My criticism of other people, whether it was warranted or not, is the reason why I‘m not where I want to be.
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As a leader, I made a promise to myself to find another approach whenever I needed to give someone feedback. Criticism is futile. It puts a person on the defensive and usually makes them strive to justify themselves.
Criticism is dangerous because it wounds a person’s precious pride. It hurts their sense of importance and arouses resentment. Even if people think of you as a great leader who guides and gives constructive criticism very frequently, the truth is, they actually resent you. They resent you for criticizing them even if it’s constructive.
So, what’s the way around that if you have to give constructive criticism? One of the things you can do is to find out exactly what that person wants. Find out how this strategy works by watching the full video here.
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