Does Construction have a problem with Bullying and Emotional Abuse?

Recently I have found myself reading a lot of posts regarding being nicer to each other, to our family, friends, colleagues and strangers. A lot of the posts I have read have reminded us in this busy world, to take time and check on a friend or family member you haven't spoken to for a while. Ask them how they are and actually mean it. One of my extremely inspiring friends has recently penned some articles and even been published in the paper. To do this and share personal insights can be extremely difficult, but I must say the response to them was overwhelmingly positive which was a joy to see. I am very proud of him. I often find that when I stop and take a bit of time for reflection, it really helps remove some of the doubt we place ourselves in every day.

Ultimately it led me to being inspired to jot down some notes, which then were transferred into a little article. It is a question which I have asked many times and believe that firms should be trying to put more focus on. I would be a big advocate for companies offering mental and well-being training on a regular basis, with support being offered on a free, open and constant basis. From talking to people from all backgrounds, it is something that is not readily available, and that is a shame. Companies often talk about how their employees are their biggest asset, but do they employees really feel like that?

It is an extremely difficult topic to broach in the construction world, but it is something that definitely needs to be addressed. Bullying, harassment, abuse, jokes, banter etc etc. Whatever you want to call it, play it down to or dress it up as it it quite simply wrong! Bullying can take many forms and is prevalent in many organisations, and the sad fact is, unfortunately, that bullying happens across all walks of life. I have witnessed it across many different organisations, occupations, cultures and nationalities and is a real problem that is not given the focus or attention that it deserves.

Even if you think it might be trivial and inconsequential, if it is something that you feel is getting you down, filling you with dread, or causing you any sort of anxiety, then chances are you are being bullied. Some bullies will go out of their way to torment you, there is even an amount of bullies who will do it and blame it as a cultural norm, furthermore then blame whatever they are doing on 'the language barrier'. One thing remains the same though, All of them do it because of deep rooted issues within themselves. It isn't you.

Why is it that we allow it?

In the United Kingdom and the United States there are distinct laws for Occupational Health and Safety, which cover bullying. Here in The United Arab Emirates, there is the Anti Discrimination Law but nothing specifically related to bullying. It is something that is so open to different interpretations related to the context. The old adage of "out of sight, out of mind" is something which very much comes to the fore when discussing this. Bullying, does not go away, it is still there, the bullies just find new targets or change their focus and their tactics. (1 in 5 people across all industries, whereas construction figures are near 60%! - study by Opportunity Now and PwC) Some people are able to get through it all with the support of families and friends, others will quietly shoulder it, often dealing with it in an unhealthy method which may cause issues in the future. Unprocessed anger, emotional avoidance and negative emotions can all be side effects which you may feel during or after being a victim of bullying. None of these you will ever be going through alone and will definitely affect those people closest to you (no matter how much you try to hide it or play down).

However it is still not something that is mainstream enough for people to feel comfortable to speak up. The traditional image of a construction worker, supervisor, engineer, manager and so on is that it is a strong person living in a man's world.

'You have to be tough to roll with it' Unknown

Well I'm sorry but it isn't the 1950's anymore, in Construction we have men, women and young professionals all in the mix together. The world has moved on and so should everything with it, change is the only thing that keeps us on our toes. The statement above is a load of rubbish and one that I would believe has been misquoted. I have been reading many articles and trying to understand why this happens and why people allow negativity to thrive. All of these companies have human resource departments who have, or are supposed to, policies and procedures and so forth. Yet the statistics show that people do not use their internal resources, they don't raise things and ask for help. The majority of the time because they are scared of repercussions, but they shouldn't be, they are entitled to go to work, and work in a safe environment.

Be honest, how many of these sound familiar?
    "I dont want to make a fuss" 
    "I don't want to make it awkward for anyone"
    "I hope it will get better"
    "Maybe it will go away"

Sorry to say it, but none of these are actually going to help you. Please don't sufffer in silence and don't not do anything

There is a far better quote from a legend which unfortunately left us too early.

"Don't ask for an easy life, ask for the strength to deal with a difficult one"

Bruce Lee

I think what I am trying to say is that when the difficult times come, the difficult situations or even the difficult people. Don't take the easy option and do nothing, doing the right thing is often harder, as Bruce says the difficult option. I implore you to take that, make a record of what is happening, speak up, raise it and help yourself by dealing with it. It will help fight this poison.

Look at the current issue in the world surrounding the Coronavirus. Some of you may have seen the videos of all of the Italians in their houses singing to each other. I think it is fantastic and is a testament to the spirit and passion that positive people have. This has now carried on and spread to Spain and Portugal where DJ's are setting up to play for people, personal trainers are going to rooftops to ensure people can get a workout from their balconies and many more. My point to all of that is that it is these fantastic people are sticking together and fighting against something that is not going to keep them down. All of these people are listening to the advice and trying to do the best thing for their community by containing and not spreading, bugs and germs. But one thing they are most definitely spreading is a positive spirit and passion.

On a personal note I can tell you that having a partner as a therapist is extremely useful at helping to me to remain grounded and to keep my focus positive. She has helped me enormously through the whole ordeal I have felt regarding the subject matter. Below I have attached some tips that may help you to remain positive, most of them I learned from her.

1. Focus on the positives, regardless of how small they appear. With every obstacle and challenge facing you and affecting your day, consciously focus on the positive aspect of the situation.
2. Don't doubt yourself! Talk yourself up, especially to yourself. As much as it sounds silly, it isn't, you will be surprised at your body’s tendency to manifest the positive words
3. Immerse yourself with the company of positive people. If you feel surrounded by negative situations, negative people, negative feelings, or anything like that. Stop, put whatever down, take a deep breath and walk away. As tough as it may be, there is a way of spending less time in these situations, with these people.

Find positive friends and family members, spending time with them and do something simple like a walk, a coffee or as I do a round of golf. (For me it can change my attitude very quickly). You deserve people who are on your side.

4. Stay in the present. Focus on what is happening now, if it helps you then get that pen and paper and write down your thoughts and comments, or even put them into your phone if you prefer that. Focus on the task and don't worry about thinking too far ahead.

5. Be thankful, no matter what is happening. No matter if your life seems to be falling apart, the chances of you making it this far and ending up on this path in your life is over 1 in 400 trillion. I'm not big onto betting, but I'm willing to bet that makes you feel very special (at least I hope it does)

Again I urge any of you who are going through difficult times at work to speak up, whether that is to the person who is bullying you, a colleague, a friend, a therapist or reach out on forums. Someone, somewhere will be willing to listen and be there for you. I will try to, if that helps?

#organization #goodworkhabits #mentalhealthmatters #bullyfreezone #dcbmgroup