Think complaining makes you feel better? Think again…

“Research shows that exposure to 30 minutes or more of negativity…actually peels away neurons in the brain’s hippocampus. That’s the part of your brain you need for problem-solving.”*

So, as the saying goes, “If you can’t make it right, 

stop complaining about it.”

Since complaining and negativity are cousins who feed off each other, I’ve introduced you to a few ‘personalities’ that you may have some experience with. If you can identify with any of the complainers below, then read on to find out how to overcome being one and how to avoid being in the presence of one.

Recognize any of these complainers?

Superior Sara: While Sara waits at the supermarket checkout line, she talks to other customers about how slow and incompetent the cashier is. She stands taller as a sense of superiority overcomes her. Sara is just a victim of her circumstances, there’s not much she can do unless she reports the cashier to the store manager (which she probably won’t). So she does what she does best; complains. Is that helping her or those around her? What do Superior Sara’s complaints accomplish?

Frustrated Tony: Chat with Tony, and you get a dose of Monday morning news about everything that’s wrong with the world--government, media, society, his spouse, his neighbor, traffic, the weather, his bonus, you name it.  He’s always disgusted and can’t wait to unload all of life’s tribulations on you. You’ve probably come to dread the depressing, unconstructive environment he creates by dwelling on the flaws of others. Does this turn you off? Does being with Tony drag you down?

 “It’s-the-other-guy” Johnny: Complaining about someone can sometimes bring people together as they bond over a common “enemy”--a boss, teacher or relative. However, when complaining becomes Johnny’s daily mode of operation, his behavior backfires.  While he feels he’s doing something positive by bringing people together, the truth is that his negativity turns off everyone, and he completely loses his audience. Would he lose you?

Judgmental Jenny: Jenny doesn't view herself as a complainer at all, nor does she see anything wrong with her actions. She spends her time judging situations and blaming everyone around her for every minor error, misfortune, accident or mistake she can find  (even those mistakes caused by her). In her mind, she’s the fair judge who’s going to solve the world’s problems by finding the culprits. Does she contribute to anything positive about her environment?

Take a closer look at yourself and those around you. I mean, take a brave and honest look and, if you or someone you love can identify with one of the characters above, read on.

3 Ideas to shift from a can’t-help-yourself complainer to being a proactive contributor.

If you identify yourself as a complainer, it’s cool no worries. Aim to identify the real reason you complain to others. Does it make you feel: Superior? Entitled? Justified? Now, ask yourself if there are better, more constructive ways you can satisfy your needs? 

Think about what you’re trying to achieve.

First off, Take a Breath. 

Before you speak, think about something positive that resets your brain into a problem-solving mode. Did you have an unexpectedly pleasant experience with a sales clerk? Mailman? Your child’s teacher?

Consider how your complaints impact those around you. Does complaining help others in any way? Are your complaints constructive? Do you make the world a better place by complaining? If you answer NO to any of the above, please keep those pesky complaints to yourself. And breathe again!

Take action. 

Think about ways you can fix the problem instead of complaining about it. Your friends, family, co-workers, teammates, etc. will undoubtedly appreciate your solution and recognize you as a problem-solver.

Immerse yourself in gratitude. 

Gratitude is Complain’s smiling sister. Ways to embrace a life filled with gratitude include noticing what you are thankful for each day. Also, ask yourself: What good things have happened to you? Who do you owe a favor? In what environment have you felt comfortable?

Those are just a few ways to combat the negativity of complaining. Follow these tips and you will be on your way to a happier, healthier life; one where friends seek you out, and people, in general, want to be in your presence.

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