Does being neurodivergent equal being disabled? - A personal reflection

??Sofie Day?? , a neurodivergent worker provides a deeply personal perspective and details her own journey into the acceptance of her work-place disability status.?

?I learned I have a disability in 2017. I had a myriad of severe eating disorders for over 2 decades and have been in recovery since 2010. I was in a job where I wasn’t allowed to leave the premises at all between 8am and 3.30pm. I couldn’t cope with that status quo, it felt like the walls were caving in on me, as if someone had literally thrown me into a tiny prison cell and informed me, I was never leaving it again. Each day I would walk into work and that feeling would renew itself, each day I felt that intensity of that initial realisation all over again. Although I didn’t relapse, I felt severely triggered. I had started to have vivid dreams in which I was relapsing, and they filled me with nothing but fear.

"Do you realise you are disabled?"        

I approached an Occupational Health service for the very first time. At the end of it I was asked ‘Do you realise you are disabled?’. They explained the timespan and type of eating disorder I had suffered classified me as ‘permanently disabled’, regardless of my lengthy recovery period. ‘I’m not disabled!’ was my immediate response. I had either studied or worked full-time throughout my struggles, even when I weighed a mere 32kgs. I hadn’t had a day of sick my entire life, surely, I was extra-abled rather than disabled.

"I couldn’t get any flexibility in my working conditions."        

Despite the Occupational Health report recommending otherwise, I couldn’t get any flexibility in my working conditions.? I ended up leaving that job within 8 months. ‘All is fine’ I told myself, ‘I passed my probation, I can do the job, nothing is wrong with me’, I focussed on the fact that leaving had been my choice and used that to convince myself I was not facing any difficulties beyond ‘the norm’. I completely ignored the fact I had hit a total wall within employment before. As leaving had always been a matter of choice I had never reflected upon the emerging pattern.

"When I finally accepted my disability status it felt like an enormous breakthrough, a sense of personal growth"        

It took another couple of years for me to accept that I was perhaps facing battles beyond the norm. My closest friend told me another friend of hers is autistic, she informed me that our chats mirrored her conversations with her autistic friend. On the surface I entirely rejected the implied, while I furtively delved into relevant literature and found online tests. When everything pointed towards being autistic, I approached my GP. A year later I was clinically diagnosed autistic, disabled, once again facing the label I had firmly rejected. I joined support-groups and realised that absolutely all my difficulties were standard topics within those communities. Initially I played around with terms like ‘differently abled’. When I finally accepted my disability status it felt like an enormous breakthrough, a sense of personal growth. My personal view is that people who are disabled are only differently abled if their disability is accommodated for, without those accommodations they remain quite literally disabled. I had been disabled throughout my employment, even during those times when I had flourished, I had often faced an inner hell.?

I knew I was heading for my current organisation a solid 6 weeks prior to my start-date. I did a lot of reflecting. I had never declared any disability at work, although I had always mentioned my recovery to highlight the source of my empathy for clients. I weighed up pros and cons, then made the very conscious decision to declare everything up front, I am autistic, I am disabled. I didn’t know whether this would ultimately hinder me or protect me. However, I figured it would enable conviction when asking for additional measures.

"mention the charity 'Neurodiversity In Business' as then you will be continually inspired"        

I was delighted to discover my organisation has a Disability Forum. Additionally, ‘neurodiversity (inclusive of autism)’ is clearly part of the company's equal opportunities narrative. In my private life I had become accustomed to being online with people facing difficulties like my own and welcomed joining a group of colleagues who fit that brief too. I am hoping others will recognise similarities within their own journey and thereby feel more confident in setting up or joining a work-place disability forum or community where those with neuro-diversities can get together within their professional environment. There is a strength in numbers and I bet you are not alone within your place of work. There is nothing wrong with needing accommodations, there is something wrong with not feeling empowered to ask for them. Create or strengthen the forum, perhaps even mention the charity 'Neurodiversity In Business' as then you will be continually inspired and won't stand alone while starting the narrative around neurodiversity and work-place disability/ accommodations.?