Does the Apple Fall Far from the Tree? The Powerful Influence of Parents on Children’s Intrinsic and Extrinsic Goals in Life

Some children are motivated by intrinsic goals early on, whereas others are motivated by extrinsic goals. What is the most significant influence in their lives that determines the difference? Not surprisingly, it is parents.

?Research by Kelly A. Ferber and colleagues published in Psychological Bulletin has examined this conclusion and provided valuable insights.

?Self-determination theory or SDT (the?ability of individuals to make choices and determine their actions) differentiates between two types of life goals: intrinsic goals, such as personal growth, close relationships, community involvement, and physical health, and extrinsic goals, which focus on wealth, image, and status. These goals play different roles in supporting well-being. While much is known about the benefits of intrinsic goals, less research has focused on how people develop orientations toward intrinsic or extrinsic aspirations. Early influences, particularly from parents, likely shape these aspirations. This research study addresses this gap by systematically reviewing how various parental factors influence their children's intrinsic and extrinsic goals development.

?The researchers found that children were more likely to pursue intrinsic goals when their parents provided a supportive environment, encouraging autonomy, competence, and relatedness, and when parents valued intrinsic goals themselves. On the other hand, children were more inclined to adopt extrinsic goals when parents emphasized material success, endorsed extrinsic goals, or created environments characterized by psychological need frustration. These findings suggest that supporting children’s basic psychological needs promotes their intrinsic aspirations. Parents should also be mindful of their focus on extrinsic goals, which may negatively impact their children’s long-term well-being.

?According to SDT’s goal contents theory, pursuing intrinsic goals like personal growth and meaningful relationships leads to greater well-being. In contrast, prioritizing extrinsic goals like wealth and status diminishes well-being. The study’s systematic review confirmed these ideas, showing that need-supportive parenting and parents' intrinsic goals are linked to children’s intrinsic aspirations. Conversely, children of parents who prioritize extrinsic goals are more likely to pursue materialistic aspirations, often reducing well-being. This highlights the importance of guiding parents to support their children's well-being by promoting intrinsic goals.

?Parents significantly influence their children’s well-being, with their parenting styles shaping the aspirations their children develop. SDT explains that aspirations fulfilling basic psychological needs—autonomy, competence, and relatedness—are most beneficial for well-being. Intrinsic goals, which include personal growth, meaningful relationships, and community connections, satisfy these needs directly, fostering well-being. In contrast, extrinsic goals like wealth, fame, and image are less likely to satisfy these needs and may even undermine well-being.

?The idea of the “goods life”—the belief that happiness comes from acquiring material possessions and status—is widespread in modern society. This focus on materialistic goals is tied to extrinsic aspirations and often leads to a perpetual cycle of dissatisfaction. As individuals achieve extrinsic goals, they need to constantly attain more to sustain their happiness, which frustrates psychological needs and can lead to diminished well-being.

?A recent meta-analysis found that intrinsic aspirations are strongly linked to well-being, while extrinsic aspirations are associated with poorer well-being. Research also shows that materialism, closely aligned with extrinsic aspirations, negatively correlates with life satisfaction, physical health, and social relationships.

?Intrinsic goals are considered “first-order values” because they fulfill basic psychological needs. For example, spending time with loved ones satisfies the need for relatedness. In contrast, extrinsic aspirations are “second- and third-order values,” deriving their worth from their ability to fulfil underlying needs. For instance, pursuing fame might satisfy a need for connection with others, but fame does not guarantee meaningful relationships. As such, extrinsic goals often fall short in promoting well-being.

Supporting children in prioritizing intrinsic goals over extrinsic ones is crucial for fostering well-being. While life goals change over time, focusing on intrinsic aspirations can help children achieve consistent satisfaction with their psychological needs, leading to greater overall well-being.

?The family environment plays a key role in shaping children's values and aspirations. Parents influence their children not only through their own aspirations but also through the nature of the parent-child relationship and their socioeconomic circumstances. SDT suggests that children often adopt the same aspirations as their parents. Parenting that supports children’s basic psychological needs helps them develop intrinsic goals that lead to ongoing satisfaction. On the other hand, when these needs are frustrated, children may turn to extrinsic aspirations, seeking wealth, fame, or status as substitutes for unmet needs.

?Stressful circumstances, such as financial hardship, can lead parents to adopt controlling parenting practices, undermining their children’s well-being. Psychological control, which involves manipulating the parent-child relationship through guilt or love withdrawal, tends to frustrate children’s psychological needs, pushing them toward extrinsic aspirations. Behavioral control, which consists in setting appropriate limits and expectations, does not always have adverse effects and depends on how it is implemented. Financial stress can also cause parents to emphasize material success, leading children to adopt extrinsic goals.

?Summing Up

?In conclusion, the researchers propose that parents significantly influence the development of their children’s aspirations. Intrinsic aspirations are fostered in environments that support autonomy, competence, and relatedness, while extrinsic aspirations are more common when parents emphasize material success and use need-frustrating practices. To promote intrinsic aspirations, interventions should create environments satisfying psychological needs. Additionally, helping parents understand the consequences of pursuing extrinsic goals and using psychologically controlling practices can help reduce their children’s focus on extrinsic aspirations, ultimately supporting their long-term well-being.

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