Do you work with a Narcissist?

I love me, who do you love? Does that remind you of anyone you work with? Well you might be surprised to hear that 1 in 10 people are clinically classified as narcissistic but it often gets overlooked in the workplace.

According to psychologists there are 3 main types of personality disorder and narcissism falls into Cluster B which is typified by dramatic, emotional or erratic behaviours. These are then split into 4 further groups of classification: psychopathic, histrionic, emotionally unstable and narcissistic. The main trait of the narcissist is self-obsession. The truth is, we can all be a little self-obsessed from time to time (come on admit it, I know I can be) but a narcissist takes that sense of self importance to an entirely different level which leads to a total disregard for others and a single minded compulsion to be loved.

And that kind of debunks the classic definition of a narcissist: someone who is completely obsessed with their appearance. That can indeed be a substantial part of the malaise but it is by no means the most vital component. Unsurprisingly the trait is often found in highly successful people and is extremely prevalent in celebrities. Often when these people are at the top of their game and at the height of their power or fame there usually isn't a problem as their perceived vanity is reinforced and the need for adoration is assuaged. However, when they experience a downturn in their career / fame this causes extreme mental conflict and they can become dependent on alcohol or drugs, experience depression or even thoughts of suicide.

So how can you spot a narcissist? There are 7 questions to ask:

1. Do they believe that they are better than others and they have unique reasons for that belief?
2. Their self-esteem is low and they need the constant recognition of their boss / peers to make them function?
3. If someone else is more successful than them are they openly resentful of them?
4. Do they become agitated, annoyed or upset when they feel that they are being ignored?
5. Do they always prioritise their own needs and expect that others should also prioritise their needs to serve their own?
6. Do they tend to take advantage of people around them to further their own cause?
7. Do they feel they are intellectually superior than the people they work with? (including their bosses?)

Does any of this sound familiar? Do you know someone you work with that would get a 'yes' to most of these questions? Dare I even say it... could it be you?

People who portray these signs are often difficult to work with as they often come across as arrogant and conceited. You may well have simply labelled them as the office asshole but psychologists suggest that we try to understand and that narcissism is a mental health issue and the people suffering from the condition are in need of help. Part of the problem though is that narcissists often don't acknowledge that they have an issue and as a result they neither get diagnosed or treated.

A report in 2014 also outlined how social media has become a key driver of what they have termed the "narcissistic epidemic" - essentially an explosion in self indulgent selfies and boast posts. In her book 'Trapped in the Mirror' Dr Elan Golomb eloquently sums up the life of a narcissist:

"They unconsciously deny an unstated and intolerably poor self-image through inflation. They turn themselves into glittering figures of immense grandeur surrounded by psychologically impenetrable walls. The goal of this self-deception is to be impervious to greatly feared external criticism and to their own rolling sea of doubts”

So do you work with a narcissist? If so, how does that relationship manifest itself? Given that it is a genuine ailment does that make you feel sorry for them and wish to help them? Or do you think that the condition is a load of baloney and these people are just self obsessional monsters? As ever, I am keen to hear your views...

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