Do You Want to be a Great Leader? Embrace Neurodiversity

Learning how to be a great leader is harder than you ever imagine it will be when you start your career. A great leader is not born – they are built over time from childhood to adulthood, with lessons learned along the way via a broad range of experiences, failures, and triumphs. I had amazing experiences in my career – traveled all over the world, met fascinating people, navigated complicated, daunting, and exciting reputation issues but, the leadership journey has been humbling. My theory is that it will never cease being humbling – that it is a dynamic evolution that only ends when life ends. My greatest leadership lessons have not come from all the years I spent working at GE and “studying” at the company’s leadership university, Crotonville, they have come from raising and living with my son who is on the autism spectrum.

One sweaty August day about five years ago, I sat next to my son on the beach on the Jersey Shore – full of sunscreen and sand, but not full of hope. I watched him in his own world looking at the water and realized that I was projecting my own life and experiences on him instead of truly accepting the diverse paths people take in life. I would not truly embrace the entirety of his potential if I was not able to adapt how I communicated and operated. That “aha” moment changed my view on the path my family would take moving forward and it changed my approach to leading people at work. Embracing neurodiversity helped me build empathy, coping and resilience skills. As we emerge from a global pandemic and continue to push for a more equal and just social framework, embracing the lessons of neurodiversity will become increasingly important.

HBR refers to neurodiversity as a “Competitive Advantage.” Neurodiverse individuals have intellectual, developmental or learning disabilities such as autism, dyslexia, attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder and social anxiety disorders. “Most managers are familiar with the advantages organizations can gain from diversity in the backgrounds, disciplinary training, gender, culture, and other individual qualities of employees. Benefits from neurodiversity are similar but more direct.” Embracing neurodiversity comes in many forms including specialized work programs which many progressive companies are beginning to implement. For me, embracing neurodiversity has meant acceptance in the most personal and profound sense of the word and learning what differently abled thinkers might need to succeed and how we might apply those needs to the entire population.

Here are the five top leadership lessons I have learned from living with a neurodiverse son:

1. The only thing certain is change – it is critical to minimize uncertainty at all times

In 2013, when my son was first diagnosed, I began a journey to unlearn many of the things I thought were right about parenting and leading. And one of the first things I realized was that providing certainty to people was the most comforting and productive thing you can do. As much certainty as I could provide, with a visual schedule and routine, gave him the confidence to excel in school and at home. Of course, we all must learn resilience and adapt to change, but providing certainty where we can allows people to build resilience as a skill and not a constant state they need to be in.

Leadership is not about spontaneity and surprise or keeping people in the dark. Great leaders communicate frequently, outline expectations, timing and tell people immediately when something changes and why. Great leaders keep predictable operating rhythms and a clear team calendar. If you are not good at this – hire someone who can help you. This is not optional.

2. Context is King (and Monarch, Ruler, Sovereign, Majesty…you get it!)

My son doesn’t just need to know when something is happening, he needs to know why accompanied by voluminous detail. Again, predictability and clarity equal comfort so he needs to have the context for a decision and the meaning around it. I am always shocked how few leaders give their teams context. If you don’t give team members, the “why” you are basically asking them for half their commitment and abilities. You are essentially telling people to just “do their job”. This is true regardless of level - an EA needs context to do their job as much as a VP at the company. Tell them as much as you can and encourage your teams to continue to ask why until they really understand.

3. Practice kind candor

HR guru Kim Scott wrote a book I loved called Radical Candor: How to get what you want by saying what you mean. I have refined this further to call it “kind candor”. Good leaders tell people the truth so often that the practice becomes completely routine. Neurodiverse people sometimes don’t have the same social skills that neurotypical people have. For example, my son used to ask people all sorts of mildly uncomfortable questions like “How much money do you make?” Every time that happens, I tell him that the question is unexpected and why (context).

People don’t know what you don’t tell them and that is truly unkind and will hurt them in the long run. Conflict avoidance and passive aggressive behavior are the enemies of good leadership. Kind, open, and honest insights win the day. Speak the truth! Read Kim’s book for more.

4. Understand your audience – empathy starts with curiosity

Assumptions are leadership killers. You should never assume anything about anyone in any situation. There is a saying in the Autism community that “when you meet one person with autism you have met one person with autism.” I always assume there is a lot I don’t know about a situation – especially when watching parents with children.

Be curious about people and humble about what you don’t know. Get to know your team and learn through conversations and facilitated sessions. Once you understand more you can adjust how you lead that person to meet them where they are and help them scale to unimaginable heights (isn’t that what we all want). Ultimately, you become the one that gets the most value out of leaning into your curiosity. You will grow more as a leader than you could ever imagine just by listening and learning from others.

5. Happiness is in the eye of the beholder

My journey as a mother has been (and continues to be) a complicated one. There were times in the past where I looked at my son and felt like he was missing out on some event that brought others joy. Then I realized that happiness is very personal. One person’s happiness is another person’s misery. Yet often I project my view of happiness on others. As a leader we need to understand each team member’s version of happiness and celebrate that reality – not force ours on people. Celebrate what makes people happy by helping them work on what “lights them up”. Understand people with team exercises. Make accommodations in the office for different needs, like noise canceling headphones and calm spaces. One of my leadership coaches used to always ask me to think about how “good it could be” and how to get there. That is a great challenge for you to think about as a leader in a diverse world.

Neurodiversity has taught me a lot about managing my life personally and professionally. It is about fully accepting people as they are, while trying to get the best out of their skills and experience. The old model of command and control will not and does not work for the new generations entering our workforce. When the business world fully embraces neurodiversity, it will change work and companies for the better. I am so proud of my son and look forward to continuing to learn from him, and my teams, every day.

References:

Pisano, Gary P. “Neurodiversity as a Competitive Advantage.” Harvard Business Review, 1 June 2021, hbr.org/2017/05/neurodiversity-as-a-competitive-advantage.