Do you think showing emotion is a weakness?

Final recap on what drivers are………

They are the unconscious internal pressure that makes us do things in certain ways.? Sometimes they are helpful and sometimes they are less so.? They tend to make us satisfy those inner needs, that inner voice we have rather than let us consciously focus on what would be best for us.

The most common patterns are:

?? ?For two drivers rather than one driver to show up strongly and this seems to fit with experience, which is that people favour a combination of drivers rather than a single one, and

?? ?One of the drivers is particularly low, which is also useful feedback.

Scores usually range between 40 and 80.? Anything over 80 is high.?

Any combinations of drivers appear possible.? Although it would seem difficult to combine Hurry Up with ‘?? Be Perfect’ (one intent on detail the other on speed) it does happen.? ‘?? Be Perfect’ with ‘?? Please People’ would seem especially vulnerable, particularly if combined with low ‘?? Be Strong’ but they do exist.?

The basis of ‘?? Be Strong’ is that something is particularly worth doing if it costs a lot.? Not so much in effort but more in stress, worry and near disaster.

Do you recognise that you struggle to show emotion?

It makes you appear outwardly like you have very broad shoulders and are resilient.? You will most likely be calm and considered in a crisis – well on the outside at least.? You may well be great at negotiation and perhaps have one of those poker faces that leaves people guessing.? All of these traits can be super helpful in certain situations.

However, remember we’re all human – right?

You will still be experiencing emotions, but you may well be bottling them up.? This could lead to poor mental health as you don’t feel like you can allow yourself to open up as it makes you feel too uncomfortable, too vulnerable.

‘?? Be Strong’ was the lowest score for me.? I have been reflecting on how that has affected my life experience.? On a personal level it does mean I find it easy to share and easier to ask for help when I am feeling low.? However, on a professional level it has always made me feel like I am weak in difficult or confrontational situations.? Or, maybe that is just my perception – who knows?? I think it has meant that on the whole I have not put myself out there for criticism.? This has most definitely affected my career progression.?

A couple of years ago I got to a point when I was questioning everything about what I did for a living.? ??I asked for feedback from all my key stakeholders to see what they thought I could do better, what I was great at and what I could be doing that I might not have even thought about yet.? That felt really uncomfortable for me – what if what they said hurt my feelings – remember I’m not very strong.

Reading the feedback I had a realisation; I shared the results with my boss and she confirmed my inner thoughts and said “have you ever thought of being a counsellor?”.? I had investigated that, but the training, time and money required would be a really tall order.? Almost at the same time we both said “What about coaching?”.

To that end I trained as a coach and decided to niche.? I focus on helping people managers/leaders be more inclusive in order to do a couple of things:

??? Create psychologically safe spaces where people can feel like they belong and be the best version of themselves

??? Create cultures that thrive and bring fantastic creativity and innovation

We are currently finalising a group coaching programme ‘The Inclusive Leader’ and what I find pleasing is that society is changing.? ?Traits like trust and vulnerability are seen more and more as strengths in a leader as are open conversations about mental health.?

Maybe I was just ahead of the curve all along ??

Another lesson learned was that if I dial up feeling strong and worry less about potential negative feedback something good, something magical might happen.

Enough about me though – back to you.

Kudos to you for having that strength, I expect you are successful at what you do.

Know that you don’t have to put pressure on yourself all the time, you don’t have to take on all the responsibility, you don’t have to do it all on your own.

It’s OK not to be OK, it’s OK to ask for help.

Make some time in your life to relax and be kind to yourself.? Accept that if you are feeling fear, feeling sad or feeling joy you can just let go and show those emotions.? Let people get to know you.? That’s how you build trust and start to develop relationships.

We have now concluded our exploration of your drivers and how they show up, more importantly how to recognise when they are showing up.? Now you can decide what you might want to dial up or equally dial down.

If you want to explore this further, become more self-aware and discover how this might benefit you and those around you then drop me an email [email protected].?