Do You Think You Are Misunderstood? & What To Do About It

?All humans yearn for understanding, being wanted & needed, having a support circle, be liked and accepted. To live a meaningful life and create healthy relationships (personal & professional), and for this to happen, our communication needs to be clear, compelling and precise.

?But when the communication is not clear, compelling and precise, then you might be thinking that "Why does no one understands me, why I am unable to portray my feelings and needs properly, why people are ignoring me, why I am unable to connect with people. Am I trying too hard to be heard, and the harder I try, the more criticism I face and being misunderstood constantly?".

Have you ever in your life been in such a situation?

If you have, then trust me, you are not alone.

So, should you worry about it?

It's not a good sign, but we can change this and discuss it in the latter half of the article.

The Most Common Delusion We Feel Misunderstood

?We presume certain things about people from the lens we have on, and maybe it's hard-wired into some of us for various reasons that other people see us as we see ourselves.

For some, this can be down to the fact that they are in a position of authority, and they always assume that their followers or subordinate's need to accept them as they are, which, in turn, changes our perception of people.

But, remember, this goes both ways.

But there is another downside to this: we become susceptible or defenceless against being affected by other people's flawed presumptions and inclinations.

So, what is the reason?

?It is outright bias.?

What Are The Drawbacks When We Are Not Understood?

We start to have negative & critical thoughts about ourselves over and over again. Many live lonely or solitarily life, and there is no problem with it.

Still, when these people are not understood, it can further corner them and feel even lonelier. Life's outlook looks pretty bleak and hostile. Meeting with people becomes a nightmare, and they further go into a cocoon.

When people become more shy, defensive, they avoid speaking and people, and as a result, share less.

Because we are not communicating clearly with the outer world, and as a consequence, we get into a vicious cycle, and time and time again, we are being misunderstood.?

What Are Common Root Causes Of Being Misunderstood?

1-Conscious & Unconscious Bias

No matter who we are and our position, we try not to have any biased opinions about anyone and be fair in our personal/professional dealings.

?But as humans, we all have our own beliefs and attitudes about a particular person or a group of people based on their ethnicity, religion, their gender, their race, their socioeconomic status and other traits.

As a result, it's human nature to pass judgment based on these and other impressions. The way we were brought up in our schools, homes, families, religious beliefs, society, and workplaces has conditioned us in a particular manner and how we see others through that lens.

Biases are beliefs that are not in any way based on facts and figures about someone. For instance, the most common bias, especially in East Asian society, women are meant to be housewives and weak (even though it's the opposite).

?Another prevalent bias is that obese people are not good workers because they tend to be lazy.

There are some positive biases, too, that can be beneficial for us. But both positive and negative tendencies direct us to prejudge people we barely know and can lead to further misunderstandings even before relation has started.

As a consequence, the decisions we take can be discriminatory on our behalf. But unfortunately, sometimes we will stick with such decisions unconsciously anyway, without any remorse.

2-Communication Problems

Humans feel more content and happier with our personal and professional relationships when our communications are clear, and we can share any issues/problems/things openly without any inhibitions.

But when our conversations and communications are not transparent and open, we can easily transmit wrong intentions and negative vibes to other people.

Even though sometimes, we think that we are very clear and precise with our message.

As a result, we assume they misunderstood us, but they have considered our words and intentions unfavourable.

3-Never Anticipate A Single Human Being To Fulfil All Your Needs

You might have been fortunate enough to have found a companion who shares your passions and certain habits.

As a result, you might jump to the conclusion that, at last, you have found the one who understands you completely.

Then, you might understand that this individual doesn't share your adventures and outdoor activities at some point in life.

Suddenly that recognisable fear begins to crawl up again: I'll never meet somebody who truly understands me.?

But the fact is that this companion understands most parts you got, however not all of them.?

In all actuality, it's very typical to have different personal & professional relations in our lives, each with an alternate reason.?

For example, I have many friends and other acquaintances. I like trekking, hiking, and eating out regularly, but not all friends and acquaintances share my hobbies. So, I go with those who enjoy trekking, and those who like eating out go with them for dining.?

I also like discussing human relationships, social issues and politics, and only two friends share my passion. Two is good enough, and we have a two-way discussion and a good understanding.

Know that only if we let go of our assumption that one individual will want to see every one of the various pieces of us can eventually set us free from this disillusionment and improve our relationships.

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4-Anticipating Someone To Understand You Totally?

Our brain can process 11 million bits of information every second. But our conscious minds can handle only 40 to 50 bits of information a second.

We have neurons firing in our heads that are faster than we can speak. So, all the time, we have a lot of thoughts going through our heads, and those neurons can't keep pace with our tongue. So, as a result, not every idea that is in our head is ever spoken.

But there is a downside to not sharing the thoughts. For example, especially in our close personal relations, we anticipate knowing what is in our minds because they know us.

We expect them to cater to all our wants and needs, show consideration for our likes and dislikes, appreciate what we do for them, and, most importantly, always be understanding and caring even if we misbehave or mistreat them.

?The matter is that we can never wholly know someone, no matter what the relationship.

?Suppose we can understand this fact and know that there is no perfect understanding between two human beings. In that case, we can certainly deal with any misunderstanding that arises more sensibly and not damage the relationship.???

5-Going Through A Rough Patch In Life

When we are not at our best, and things are not going our way, a lot can be wrong, but even the small things become a significant issue.

?As a result, we may feel more sad, tearful, and hopeless in general, which can easily lead to depression if it continues and is compounded with misunderstandings in our personal/professional relationships.

?If we have some problem in our personal or professional lives and expect someone to either help or understand, but they do not, we may feel lonelier than ever, as no one understands us.

?Maybe other people may not have gone through what we are going through now, and they do not know how to respond to us or what to do.

?Maybe we have told them what we are going through but did not ask for direct help. Sometimes people do not help or advice unless asked.

?But because we are not entirely ourselves, we can interpret wrong signals and think that we should not bother other people with our problems as they might not understand us.

?We these self-beliefs that no one understands us or is willing to further inflict harm on ourselves. As a result, we go into a cocoon, cut people from our lives, and become more depressed.

?How To Improve Your Understanding & What To Do?

1-Some People Will Misunderstand Us No Matter What

?For me, this is the starting point and gets us in a positive state to start becoming understood better.

Assuming somebody fails to see where you're coming from, even though you mean good. Specific individuals might focus on a misconception, or we can't agree on a particular issue/thing.

?Once in a while, we need to "settle on a truce that some people will misunderstand us no matter what".

Assuming we reconcile with how occasionally individuals will misjudge and misunderstand us, we can still agree on common ground and not deteriorate our relationships.

2-Try Not To Be Biased

?The best way to avoid conscious or unconscious biases is to be more empathetic to others in general and try to understand them and their needs and point of view before making any judgment calls.

?We need to exhibit more self-control and ensure that our likes and dislikes do not become a yardstick in understanding others.

?3-Words Matter & How They Are Delivered

We can offend or upset anyone even with the best intentions, if our expression is inappropriate or the timing and occasion.

Haven't you seen on live television debates/discussions or even with friends that they take it literally whenever a joke is made, and things go downhill from thereafter.

?People and even friends can get uncomfortable when we make jokes, especially if the timing or occasion is not right and uncomfortable with other people around.

In all such cases, we can view each of these misunderstandings as a chance to know ourselves and other people better. Also, make close observations and monitor their behaviour, then improve the coordination between our words and actions/activities.

We need to watch our tone when making a joke, and our facial expressions should correspond to it.

4-Improve Your Communication

?It is better to be clear and precise about many things in life but particularly our life goals and needs.?We need not be shy and fear what we want in life and share it with people that can help us achieve them.

?For instance, if a colleague or acquaintances impart something onto us or try to convey some message while we are unsure what they want. We can ask, "would you say you are simply sharing, or would you say you are available to guidance?"

?In such a manner, we can avoid misunderstandings, especially when the other person is informing us about their problems, and we can get tired, bored or ignore them.

5-Do Not Rush To Judge People

Do not make judgements on someone's first impressions. Because often images are misleading, and we do not want to be in a position where we make an ill-informed judgement about someone even before we get to know them.

Because we humans often make judgements about someone based on their outlook, behaviour and their attitude.

On the contrary, there might be a ton of interpretations for the reason people behave and act in such a particular manner.

?Someone's initial impression can cloud our thinking process and make the wrong decision about someone.

?For instance, there are eight people in a room waiting for the interview.

They are already being watched and observed. One of the candidates is not getting along well with others, and she is a little reserved. The interviewers maybe have already decided that she might not be the ideal candidate to manage a large team.

?But maybe someone has said something inappropriate and feels uneasy, or she is simply nervous about meeting strangers even though she might be one of the best candidates and very friendly once we get to know her.?

6-Unambiguously Be Honest & Sincere

One of the easiest ways to reduce misunderstanding with others and improve our relationships is to be honest, and sincere in our personal and professional dealings.

There shouldn't be any hidden agenda and trying to trick someone into believing what it is not.

?Most of us are and want to be reasonable when dealing with other people; however, we are not always trying to be appropriate with everyone when we meet them, and it's not on our priority list.

We need to keep reminding ourselves daily that whenever we meet anyone, we need to be more reasonable and sincere in our dealings, even if they are not.

?Do not get into a tit for tat mode and make matters worse. If we behave and act in such a manner, we reduce our oblivious predisposition.

?Conclusion:

?It does not in any way assist when pointing the finger at the other person for not understanding us and as to who we are (we think who we ought to be).

?Suppose we want to be seen as who we are and appropriately understood.

?In that case, we need to do our part in this exercise and do everything described above to understand others better and improve our relationships.

?It also gives us a chance to know ourselves more, who we indeed are, and our inner core values.

?We want people to understand us but are unwilling to know ourselves.

?When we are willing to do some introspection and homework to build strong relationships by understanding others, we learn a lot about our core values, personal values, and attitudes.

?If we are more self-aware, it can have many added benefits, the most important solid and lasting relationships.

The more aware we are of our needs, wants, environment, thoughts and people, the easier it becomes to act appropriately and control our emotions and reactions.

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