Do You Think You Love Him?

Is This Love? And if it is what should I do first? Well, let me say you take you everywhere you go - in love, life, and business. So, let's talk relational conflict relational, clarity, and of course love. Now when it comes to relational conflict often times that simply means that we are not clear. There has been a disagreement either due to a lack of communication, a lack of comprehension, or a lack of understanding…

Somewhere, some way, somehow something went wrong and the two people in that relationship are not on the same page. And today's topic came to me because as I was speaking to my mom, she shared with me how someone we both know was going through a rough patch in their marriage.

And let me just say although I'm not a marriage coach and I'm not married; a marriage is a long-term relationship. So, when we go into relationships, we should not expect perfection. And at the same time we should also be clear on what our standards and our boundaries are and that has to do with us having self-awareness of what we need and want before we say I do to someone else.

So, if you find yourself – Queen - saying or feeling like you love this guy that you're with I want you to consider this question… and here it is…

Have I been with him long enough, through enough different seasons to see and experience him show up consistently?

I'mma say it again - have I been in a relationship with this guy long enough to see him go through a number of different seasons of life and see him handle those seasons in a consistent way that I'm comfortable with?

I added that on there because you he might be consistent, but depending on how he's showing up you may not be comfortable with it. So, when I say seasons of life, I'm not talking about summer, winter, spring, and fall. Yes, those are the season of the year, but when I say seasons of life I am talking about

• have you seen him mad
• have you seen him frustrated
• have you seen him stressed
• um has he lost the job while y'all were together, how did he handle that
• has he lost the loved one how did he handle the grief

Again, seasons of life - meaning trials, tribulations - What have you to endured together? … Not just have you been together a long time. Because sometimes we can say oh yeah, I really love this person and you're thinking to yourself I've been with them so long.

Yes, but if that long period of time has been nothing but love and happiness - you know you just have all this sunshine and never any rain… well your love has not been tested. So, it's safe to say that when you get that test - because all love is tested –

If you're truly saying that hey I love this person, let me tell you that if you are in a relationship for any period of time, especially a long time eventually something is going to come along, something is going to happen in that relationship that is going to test its ability to withstand the pressure, the trials the tribulations, the hardship, the grief, the heartache.

If you have not experienced any of that yet, again, proceed with caution - that's what I would recommend for you. Because if you don't and you just keep going and going and then you take the next step to marriage (again y'all know marriage is not my lane).

But if you take that next step to marriage, more likely than not you will have committed to say I do to a person that you really do not know, so consider that. And I also want you to consider these traits in the guy that you're with I'm going to run off 12 of them I'm going to go through them quickly don't worry because I'm going to go back and I'm going to do a miniseries called Love's Visible Impact: 12 Traits to Consider.

So here they are: patience, humility, kindness, selflessness, calm, forgiving, truthful, safe, honest, optimistic, endurance, and committed. Those are the 12 traits and I want you to really think about the man you're with and evaluate do you see those traits in him.

When you're with him do those traits show up? When he's away from you do you think those traits show up? Do people tell you the type of person that he is and those traits show up in the stories that they tell? Because we know that friends - they know a lot about the man that you're with especially if he's been friends with the same people all his life.

What do they say about the type of man that he is? It matters those traits matter because they are the foundation - they are the bedrock of the evidence of love. So, I want you to consider that especially as you see him spend time with his kids - should he already have kids as they are a part of him and how he treats them can tell you a lot about how the way he loves and shows love.

So, ladies don't take love lightly because love is not a game because love is not a game. Too many people declare they love somebody too often, then they don't do right by them. And I want to leave you with this thought...

"Too often people believe they love each other, when really what they do is have a deep, fleeting, infatuation with each other."

"24 hours doesn't seem long, but in 24 hours you could change your life; so go ahead and do something life-changing now." Visit Coach Sam on YouTube @cesamempowers